How Has It Been A Year?

The last time I sat down to write anything of substance for my blog was a month after my wedding, once all the chaos and stress melted off with the makeup and hairspray and lipstick. The last time I sat down to fill in my faithful listeners with life updates, I was a completely different person. Not to sound cliche or anything - because I would never - but, so much has changed, deviated from my standard norm, that it’s hard for me to put it all together in words.

For a writer, that’s the hardest obstacle to hurdle - not being able to easily articulate how much has changed since I’ve taken a deep dive into the Truth About Coffee. Well, I guess here goes nothing.

Once the excitement of marriage bled into the routine that is now my day-to-day, I really evaluated my career and my goals. Most of you know that I’m a teacher, and I truly love my job. I thoroughly enjoy teaching students how history and literature become one and how to creatively tap into the parts of their brains that they don’t always gain access to in a math or a science class. I’ve had fun reorganizing my Film curriculum to match new groups of students, and I love finding new texts for my students to read every year. I also took on an AP Language and Composition class, and that has been a challenge, to say the least. But playing rhetorical charades and The Debate Game with a full-fledged referee uniform - thanks to my husband - has made my professional day feel more like a 9-5 of fun than ever before. 

However, something in my professional endeavors has always felt like it was missing. Actually, something in my personal life has always felt like it was missing. So once our wedding had come and gone and some of the financial excitement and stress had faded after also becoming newly minted homeowners, I decided to attempt to fulfill a lifelong dream of mine.

I finally stepped into shoes that never felt like they fit quite right - always a tad too big. I finally pursued a degree in writing. Since June of this year, I have been pursuing a Masters (MA) in Creative Writing, and I plan to stay in the program to attain a Master of Fine Arts (MFA) - truly a dream of mine.

But the thing about me and dreams is that we never fully could see eye-to-eye. I always felt as if it would be a wasted venture. No one would ever want to read a published work of mine, let alone the fact that no one would ever even think about publishing something of mine. I always tell my students to set their goals higher than they think they’ll ever reach because if they put the work in, they’ll get there one day. 

It was time I finally started believing the cadence that reverberates off the walls of 417.  So I jumped. I applied on a whim one day during my prep period and compiled some of my short pieces, blogs, and poems from over the years. And then I waited. 

I remember walking through the aisles of Marshalls with my mom looking for little things here and there, when I saw I had missed a call from a number with an area code similar to the school I had applied to. Immediately, I listened to the voicemail from the director of the program telling me that I had made it in to the cohort that would begin in the Fall semester. 

I literally jumped for joy like a giddy child and potentially scared the wits out of a store employee. But, I couldn’t contain the affirmation. Someone had read my work and felt it was good enough to cultivate over the next three years.

A few weeks ago, I finished that semester having learned more about poetry and creative nonfiction than I ever thought I would. I spent weeks crafting poetic lines in schemes and forms all new to me, and I explored parts of my past through nonfiction that opened a well of memories that will provide such depth to what I shape in this next semester.

I learned that I am overzealous in the elements and craft aspects of writing that I wish to explore. I have learned to slow down, zoom in, and let the words take me for a ride. I have uncovered an ability to torque syntactic structures in a way that keeps your eyes alert for changes in tempo, rhyme, structure, grammar. I learned that I am a writer, and I always will be.

So, for the next two semesters, I will be reading and writing like I never have before on a full-length manuscript that will maybe one day grace shelves near and far. At least that is my hope, and I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge or a goal or a dream.

That’s it for the Truth About Coffee for now. I’m sure I’ll be back eventually with an update or a poem or two. Until next time … 

Here Comes The Bride ...

December 28, 2021 felt like it was never going to arrive. All the planning. All the postage and ordering and calling. All the stress and worries. All of it paid off. Our day was bedazzled with a bit of rain and an unbelievable chill, but that didn’t stop me from winning the title of reigning Ice Queen. You bet your sweet, sweet buns that I did my darndest to keep patrons outside in the frigid air for cocktail hour while the wedding party slurked around rosy-faced and shivering. You bet I threw my bouquet down on the stage like a boss (so unlike my timid, quiet character) to get the party train going. You bet I enjoyed every second of a night I’ll never forget. 

We laughed. We danced. We made speeches like we were attending the roast of all of our guests. We drank. We made smores. We ate our favorite Christmas treats and a super expensive wedding cake (worth every cent). I won’t say I looked like a princess - because I am WAY too modest for that - but, Mr. Know-it-All looked dapper in his custom fit suit that Men’s Warehouse somehow missed the mark on what “fitted” meant. I mean Mr. Know-it-All could pull off anything, even as he did a little dance routine with his mom that blended the old with the new quite perfectly. 

All of my favorite people were there. My sister even attended through the mega projector to make me cry with her kind words. It was - and this was verified amongst our guest feedback - a pretty perfect and seamless day. My family did a phenomenal job assisting with decorating, DJing, and putting out fires when they needed to. My new in-laws helped to make the day as wonderful as could be, as well, and I am forever grateful to now call them family. 

But when the lights came on after my failed attempt at throwing the bouquet (in my defense, I was told to aim high, not go for distance) at the ripe hour of 8 p.m. and guests trickled out, we cleaned up the venue and drove over an hour back to our humble abode. After getting virtually no sleep, we left for the airport early enough to get on a 6:00 a.m. flight to Fort Myers, Florida so that we could spend our short honeymoon exploring Captiva Island. 

Our honeymoon was fantastic … except for the fact that Ubering was insane, traffic was not ideal, and apparently I had COVID the entire time and didn’t know it. Oh wait, let me backtrack. 

We enjoyed the sun, walked to experience new restaurants, drove a red buggy to the neighboring island, and just reveled in the fact that we could spend uninterrupted time together without worrying about paying the caterer or the florist or the photographer. It was a great reprieve from society and responsibility. Boy, was that short-lived. 

On January 2nd, when we were destined to make it home at a reasonable hour, we were instead met by the most insane series of unfortunate events. And, it all began with an Uber ride to the airport way too many hours before our 3:00 p.m. flight to Charlotte, NC. We made it through security and sat and watched our plane hang out at the terminal for 3 hours. Five minutes before we were supposed to board, the lady at the desk said, “Sorry folks. But boarding is delayed because we need to replace a fire extinguisher. The maintenance manager is on his way, and this flight should be off in no time.” And here ladies and gents is the beginning of the end.

No time turned out to be forever, because 45 minutes later, the maintenance guy was still sitting in his vehicle outside the plane, the two women working the desk were hiding in the hallway leading to the plane door, and the flight crew was exiting the plane with all of their gear. 

In short, the flight was delayed until 9:40 p.m. Our connecting flight to Harrisburg from Charlotte was a no go because, hello, the plane did not leave in “no time.” Mr. Know-it-All was running back and forth from security to the main ticket window (yeah, explain to me why this airport has security at each gate and that’s it) to try to get us on another flight. Their response: “Sir, we don’t have anything until Tuesday.” I’m sorry, but we both have jobs that we need to get back to; so, we are getting home today or tomorrow. 

After hours had passed - Mr. Know-it-All had a few panic attacks, I sent some frantic emails, I was told my grandfather had COVID after attending my wedding and had to contact everyone who attended, and I managed a hodgepodge lesson planning adventure - we somehow were put on standby for a flight leaving at 8:30 p.m. for Charlotte. We boarded, and it was the most anxiety inducing flight ever. I straight up thought we were going down, and the same gross mask attached to my face that definitely smelled like things I won’t even go into detail mentioning was not helping the situation. 

When we finally touched sweet, sweet land again, smelling like the inside of a dumpster lit on fire, we got into our last Uber ever. This man almost got into an altercation getting us, so it was a wild ride, to say the least. But, my lovely parents came to our rescue, and we made it back in enough time for me to confirm that my sniffles and “allergy-esque” cough were in fact COVID. Needless to say, I spent the remainder of that week working from home, until I could return again to the chaos that is my life right now.

It’s not all chaotic, but at times the school-life balance gets a little skewed. But, I’m learning. And now my husband and I (still a little weird for me) are trying to remember what “normal” feels like. After a pandemic planned wedding and a COVID ridden honeymoon, all we can ask for now is some peace and quiet to just enjoy the great gift that we find in each other.

Mr. Know-it-All is officially my soulmate, my dude for life, and I couldn’t be happier with how our wedding photos turned out. I’m grateful for the memory etched in ink because without it, I’m not sure how much of the night I’d remember. It was a blur of happiness I’ll hopefully remember for eternity. Here’s to the new Mrs. Thomas. Until next time …

113 Days

In high school, cliques change faster than the tide on a windy day. (Even from my teacher point-of-view, I can say that this is still the truth.) Someone’s in, someone’s out. I guess I was “in”, but I never felt like I belonged in a group. I was a loner. A wallflower. A nerd. A band geek. An introvert. Unapproachable. That word still haunts like a punch to the gut. That word made me small. Hidden. Retracted. Unloveable.

Or so I thought. (See, there’s always a phoenix rising kind of a moment in these stories.)

The toxicity of a word made me put up walls. The toxicity of a word made me angry and irritable - because I believed it. The toxicity of a word took me years to overcome, and yet I find myself still overcoming.

Now, it’s not like I come from a background of hate and absence. In fact, there is so much love to this day in my family. But, as a young woman I faced undue pressure from society, as most do. (Same story, different girl). In this context, society is a force, an immovable cloud of darkness preying on the young. I struggled with my weight and body confidence. I struggled with not wearing labels because the money was suited best elsewhere. I struggled with comparing myself to everyone else, and this is what strikes the deepest.

It wasn’t until I changed things about myself that I started to inch out of the dark cavity in my chest. I was becoming more of a person. It wasn’t until I noticed outside attention shift toward me. And, do you know what hurts the most about falling prey to the allure of outside attention? Waiting, hoping, praying for an ego boost - affirmation that you are beautiful, loved. I spent so much time looking that I forgot to see myself for who I truly am.

And then, he found me. When I stopped looking. When I said I was done. When I gave myself the credit and worth she had been due since the moment the word “unapproachable” first escaped friendly lips. (Isn’t that how it always happens? The cliche lives on.)

It wasn’t easy at first to open my heart to him. It took time. For months, I wouldn’t even sing in the car. My fear of rejection outweighed any other feeling or emotion. And then, just like that, I saw myself. Not just in chocolate pools across the table or quick glances while driving - I saw myself for the first time.

She was timid, yet fierce. Sensitive and hard. Emotional and curt. Loving and maternal. Apologetic and faithful. She was me.

Every time I’ve been asked before if I could change my past, my immediate reaction is to say no. I wouldn’t be where I am today if my life had not played out exactly to its specific tune. However, if I could look my younger self in the face or show her a sign, I would tell her this:

The life you lead will be painful. You’ll have scars, both visible and invisible. But, you must love yourself first to realize that you are not unloveable. 

As a teacher, I get to see the world through a different lens. Just like in literature and film, there are archetypes - a recurring image, trend, theme. I notice them, of course. My mind has been trained to find the nuances. Therefore, I see parts of my former reality in the scope of modern society. In short, history repeats itself. The oddity: the strains in history are oftentimes what bring us closer together, closer to finding humanity once again.

If I could provide one piece of advice to my students - past, present, future - I would tell them exactly what I would tell my younger self. It’s worth repeating over and over because I’m sure we’ll forget to cut ourselves some slack, to embrace ourselves with open arms, and to lead with empathy and compassion - not just for ourselves - but for others. 

The climate of this school year is less intense than last, for sure. But, there are still some uncharted waters. The world is a crazy place right now, but the most joy I’ve found in my professional career comes from guiding young minds toward success. It’s my goal and motto every year, and I’m not sure it will ever change. 

From impromptu taco debates to discussions about football to uncovering the real meaning behind a clove of garlic, the classroom climate has been hopping. I’ve learned so much about my students in the past few weeks that I’m not sure how I could uncover more. However, I know there will always be something new to learn. 

It was such a pleasure to see new faces at Back-to-School Night. (Literally, I had no idea what some of these kids looked like until this year.) Seeing their faces the first weeks of school made for better connections and establishment of rapport. It was fun while it lasted, but it won’t change how I approach the year. I’m looking forward to the next 171 days, believe it or not. 

And while this insight seems like a rollercoaster of emotions (I mean, it kind of is), to me it shows the beauty of finding solace inside yourself. Life will never be easy, and I will always be trying to master that concept. But, recognizing that and leading life as an open book allows for better connections and conversations to fill the pages. 

My book is still open, developing itself for consistent publication. I have more stories and milestones to mark. But most importantly, I get to rise from the ashes as the heroine in my own adventure. While I’d like to say I was saved by a knight in shining armor, like all the romances claim as reality, I most certainly was not. The truth of the matter is that Mr. Know-it-All continues to guide me to my own self-worth, and the rest as they say was her own feat. (No one says this, but I’m coining it). And in the next 113 days, he gets to guide me forever. That’s right ladies and gents, 113 days until my name either gets a lot longer or changes for good. We’ll see; I haven’t made up my mind yet. Regardless, December 28, 2021 will be the party of the past 2 years because Covid has destroyed everything its path, but it will not ruin #OnceUponAThomas. Until next time ...

The End of a New Beginning, And the Start of Something New

Why does time crawl sluggishly through the quicksand and simultaneously zip past at the speed of light? I remember starting this new year at a new school with a sense of dread like I start all new ventures. It’s not that I lack enthusiasm and excitement; it’s merely that I fear failure. I like being good at what I do, and I aim for perfection at everything, which yes, is a fatal flaw. But, this year does carry with it a bittersweet air.

This was my first year at a school where I can grow roots. Last year - deep down - I knew I was leaving by the end to be with Mr. Know-it-All. Now, we’re remodeling a house, finally getting married, and living in the chaotic calm that will be our new life. In the past 6 years, this is the first year that I will remain stagnant, and I have never been more excited for that sought-after monotonous thing they call adult life. It truly is a gift all on its own. 

While this is the end of the physical work year for me, it is the beginning of a brand new era for the future Mrs. Know-it-All. I feel content in the curriculum I have created this year, and I am doing a happy little dance across the tile floors of room 405 because I don’t have to start from scratch … again. I can modify and adapt what currently exists. Isn’t that a novelty as an educator?

Really my time this year pacing back and forth in front of my SmartBoard, drilling grammar concepts like there’s no tomorrow, emphasizing the need to read all writing aloud before you submit it to me, and reading aloud the wonderful short story, novella, novel, and play selections I chose for my diverse learners was such a thrill. Yes, my lovely readers, I enjoy learning and teaching and shaping and encouraging students to think for themselves - to throw bandwagoning to the wind and be as uniquely them as they want to be. 

Being a young and new teacher during a pandemic in a political climate unlike any I’ve ever witnessed in my 24 years on this earth was challenging. Sometimes students would throw me curveballs, especially during our studies of texts revolving solely around societal issues like racism, prejudice, class systems, gender roles, stereotyping, feminism, misogyny, gun violence, gang violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, neglect, etc. These were teachable moments for me as an educator, on the spot. Being that I chose teaching as a profession, it is my duty to the upcoming generations to remain completely unbiased, which I feel I upheld to the highest degree, especially this year - something I wish mainstream media and the uneducated Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, etc. users would also keep in mind. 

In short, behind the mask and inevitable fog on my seafoam rims, there was always a smile. I had wonderful support, professionally, personally, and from the parents with whom I interacted. I made an effort to involve myself in the school community by coaching a middle school-age running team that focuses on the whole girl, targeting issues like self-esteem and acceptance. I created a rapport with my learners in an effort to understand their needs, their interests, and their overall personalities. I’m going to miss the seniors who now transition into the real world, as well as the tenth graders who made my first year worth it. However, I always tend to look forward to new beginnings: a new group of learners, updated units, and oodles of popcorn days in film class. (As a film teacher, I’m seriously considering making the class a full experience … there may be a popcorn machine in room 405’s future.)

While teaching has slid to the back burner momentarily, the house renovations are in full swing. I never thought putting time and effort into creating a home out of a house would make my body ache as it has in the past few days. Don’t get me wrong, it is a fruitful experience to paint my kitchen cabinets, refurbish a dining table, paint my enclosed front porch, and put together my new office chair, but it is a lot on my inner 80-year-old. 

Since February, Mr. Know-it-All and I have been working on our home on Saturdays - which really puts a damper on weekend “relaxation”. Between that and marriage classes, there really wasn’t room for much else. Now, we at least - or I at least (Mr. Know-it-All is not in a “summer’s free” kind of a career) - have time to bring our visions to life. These visions sometimes change in the blink of an eye - like when both my mother and I missed that the can of cabinet paint said black instead of white. But, no matter, I like the black cabinets better anyway. 

With home buying and renovating comes the shocking realization that money does not grow on trees, despite what childhood manifestations may have led us to believe. Instead, it falls out of our pockets and into the greedy hands of capitalism so that we can have nice things like a shower instead of a miniature clawfoot tub from 1916. While this tub will not be the main cleansing spot in our master bathroom, it will grace our home in a DIY fashion. 

This new beginning - clad in DIY, paint-splotched clothes, and back pain like no other - is what I never knew I needed but somehow always wanted. The plus: I get to do all of this with the best DIY parents (who upscaled my childhood home and just closed on the sale not too long ago), family friends, and future husband a woman could ever even wish for. I am so grateful and honestly lucky when I think about where I am at 24 and where I could be at 24 if I let my anxieties, insecurities, and fears get the best of me. 

This update on my Truth About Coffee is long overdue and would not be complete without an anecdote about our new little community. Mr. Know-it-All and I like to take walks down to the Susquehanna, which is less than a mile from our house. On our travels, we came across this cute little cafe. This morning, we walked down to get brunch, and I had a wonderful latte. I think I found my new coffee spot for when I’m craving something other than espresso at home. Our lives are just as they should be, and I couldn’t be happier. Until next time ...

An Unexpected Turn: Appendicitis and Remote Teaching Fails

I’m sure you’ve each heard the phrase ring from the mouths of those closest to you - somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Being who I am - a grouch from the moment the obnoxious trills of my Apple alarm echo at 4:15 a.m. to the sensation of caffeine coursing through my bloodstream - I’ve had that exact idiom directed at me many a time. However, a few Tuesdays ago, that simple phrase became a reality I didn’t expect, but oddly enough, I’m glad it disrupted my week of teaching, to say the least. (I think? Still to be determined …)

When I crawled off the air mattress in my unfinished house (renovations on our home are happening, slowly but surely, seeing as two inexperienced Millennials/Gen Z’ers are attempting to complete the work ourselves with oodles of help from more experienced friends and family) I knew something was off. Extreme. Pain. Ensued. But, I thought I’d tough out the stomach pain because I was certain it would pass. 

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I never knew what true pain was until I had to attempt to actively teach 3 class periods with excruciating abdominal pain … and I’ve bruised my tailbone severely twice by falling down the steps. I could barely stand, I was dizzy, and my usually keen rapport and recall was dwindling fast. By fourth period, I had to leave the building, and what followed was quite the rollercoaster.

I wallowed in self-pity and pain for almost all of Tuesday, and by Wednesday morning, I was in the ER. After lots of blood work and a CT scan, it turned out I had appendicitis with an almost burst appendix. Thank goodness it didn’t burst before I was taken back into surgery. I definitely wasn’t expected to be wheeled into an OR on a Wednesday evening while all my students were suffering through Keystone Prep (my least favorite teaching endeavor) and baseball diorama projects for August Wilson’s Fences. 

While surgery was a blast, it was only fair that my work week became more interesting by teaching remotely from home while a substitute ran my in-person classroom. Let me tell you, you aren’t living until you’ve been projected on a massive SmartBoard to a bunch of bored seniors suffering from severe cases of senioritis as you attempt to garner conversation. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life ( I sure hope you’re catching the sarcasm dripping from every letter). What was even better was trying to lead seminar discussions with my Honors 10th graders only to freeze in my “Vogue” poses every few minutes. What a treat. Alas, I survived, and now I get to go back to reality (insert the rest of Eminem’s lyrics).  

With only four more Mondays standing between me and sweet, sweet summer, my motivation scale is slowly dwindling. I really just want to lay out in my backyard with a cheesy novel, but instead, I have 25 papers to grade. Why did I do this to myself, you ask? Well, maybe it’s self-sabotage, but I’d like to believe that I want my 10th graders to learn writing skills and understand their own capabilities exceed what they generally think is possible. 

At least 99.9% of my planning is done for the year, because now when I make excuses to procrastinate, I feel less bad about it. This school year - while different for everyone - was especially grating for me because I’m only a second year teacher. My first year teaching was rudely interrupted with pandemic madness, and my second year teaching was rudely interrupted with appendicitis. Will any teaching year for me be normal? Probably not, but a girl can dream.

My year has been insane, and of course, the insane train continues onward - especially as we finish planning the wedding (only 240 more days, and absolutely I have a countdown going), continue renovations on our house (which I’m so excited about - I never thought buying rugs and curtains could be so exhilarating), and finish out the school year with flying colors (hopefully). 

It’s been real, it’s been semi-fun (except last week); so, I guess I should just keep chugging along. My espresso has been my champion, my number one - next to Mr. Know-it-All and Fred, and I wouldn’t want to spend life any other way. It should be a rollercoaster 80% of the time right? It makes life more interesting. At least there’s more to write about. Until next time ...

House hunting: The Final Verdict

The “light” only went out for 24 hours, but unfortunately we learned that you can do a lot in 24 hours.

That was about 4 months ago. It all went down on Derry Street in the pristine kitchen of an old victorian with lots of square footage and an asking price to match. Immediately, we fell in love. I guess you can say it was “love at first sight,” but do those tropes ever really work out in the end? 

The short answer: no. 

After a few hours roaming the premises, peeking into each nook and cranny, we knew an offer had to be made. Over Five Guys on a Thursday night at 7 p.m. with an hour and a half left to drive before sweet, sweet sleep, we devised our offer. That next morning would start the spiral only those perusing properties would know - the high of putting in writing the hundreds of thousands you think you can afford and the almost instantaneous low when you accurately do the math to determine that a teacher’s salary and an analyst’s salary may not cut it. 

But, I guess that minor mishap doesn’t matter anymore because who needs all that square footage when a cozy little home is calling your name 35 minutes from the city and a little closer to work? 

On February 5th, my future husband and I closed on our very first home. Quaint yet full of immense potential, I’m ecstatic at the thought of finding the perfect decor, paint colors, and unique furniture to match our tastes. Even now as we paint and peel 40-year-old wallpaper, the gratitude I have for this opportunity exceeds all bounds. 

I spend every Saturday night, well, sleeping after an entire day’s work. I’m usually asleep before 9 anyway, but all the work we’re putting in gives me more of a reason to just rest. Between house adventures and marriage classes and finalizing as many wedding details as we can while still working full time, I’ve realized my lack of a drive to write. It’s not that I haven’t amassed an arsenal of stories; I’m just kind of spent. 

I thought my first year teaching was a whirlwind like no other, but I guess I should expect that the more years I have under my belt means more insanities to conquer. I’ve felt incredibly blessed this year with the opportunities placed before me, but I sometimes ponder what my next steps will be. House, finishing my second year teaching, and wedding are enough for now, but I always have my sights set on something bigger, something greater, something truly and utterly my calling. When the moment’s right it’ll face the public eye, but for now, I’ll keep it tucked away. 

Here’s to more weekends knee-deep in “Greek Villa” and weekdays planning, grading, and now volunteer coaching. As always, my “coffee snob” tendencies - as Mr. Know-it-All and the rest of my family have dubbed them - get me through each and every obstacle. Mr. Know-it-All and Fred help, as well with the ever truthful happenings of The Truth About Coffee. Until next time ...

2020: A Year in Review

January 1, 2020

Day 1 of 365 did not start as I had expected it to begin. I was irritable as per usual, which I guess is no surprise. I'm not a morning person, and waking up with a year of new experiences waiting at my fingertips combined with a lack of sleep due to knees in my back and cats on parade left me feeling less than peachy-keen. But, I awoke feeling loved, and nothing beats that for a fantastic start to the new year - a year of more love than I ever thought possible and more opportunities than ever before. Until tomorrow ...

January 2, 2020

Today was a day of much relaxation combined with a gradual dose of stress. Seeing as my long-awaited break is almost over, I guess the pile up of work finally got to me. Am I finishing it? Yes. Does it pain me a little? Absolutely. Is it all worth it? You bet. While I am sad that only two days stand between me and my little apartment in Ohio, I am so grateful for the cherishable moments I have left with the people I love most. Until tomorrow ...

January 3, 2020

The thing about a lengthy break is that you find yourself so caught up in lazy mornings over coffee and late night binge sessions of Jack Ryan, and this dear reader, makes reality so much less appealing. But, I know that it is time to move on from the best holiday I've had in awhile. While I did thoroughly enjoy Europe, this year was much more precious in that I was enveloped by a love I never felt I'd know. It was a precious few weeks, and I cannot wait to see what my future holds. Until tomorrow ...

January 4, 2020
Saying goodbye is always the hardest. And, while goodbyes for me are never set in an unwavering finality, they do rock me to my core. The love I have for those around me runs deep, and I hate to see sobs wrack my love's body as I silently watch from behind a pain of darkened glass in the comfort of coffee congregations and warm aromas. But, I love that true love needs not spoken words to define its bounds. A simple look of great depth amidst chocolate pools is enough to show me that I have the most caring and genuine partner, and I couldn't be more grateful. Until tomorrow ...

January 5, 2020

Today was one of the most stressful days of my life. Having to travel over 300 miles is always quite a feat and never my favorite endeavor. But, today was especially chaotic because of circumstances regarding my travel - leaving loved ones behind, dealing with detours and road closures, and the ultimate weight of the upcoming work week. While this road trip and unpacking excursion left me weary, I made it safely and in time to get back into my daily routine. Until tomorrow ...

January 6, 2020

As my alarm blared at the ripe hour of 5:30 this morning, confused groans emitted from my weary form as I began the inevitably slow moving process of making myself look presentable on almost no sleep. You see, I had to reignite my passion for teaching somehow, and I was in need of something (i.e. coffee) to get the ball rolling. While today was a seemingly endless traverse through mounds of graded materials and a bombardment of inquisitive minds, I managed, and I live to see another day in the life of an English teacher. Until tomorrow ...

January 7, 2020

Entitlement. This is the worst part of trying to make a career in education, and this is a mindset that stems not from the system itself, but from those children of this generation. As an educator, I set my standards and expectations high because I know what my students are capable of. I challenge them because they need to struggle to succeed in this world. I will never lower my standards because that would be a disservice to the faces of the future as we know it. While this will always be a constant struggle for me, I am finally finding my voice. I will not take away the challenge of literature because this is where students grow the most. Until tomorrow ...

January 8, 2020

They say everything, every feeling and every thought comes in waves. Cycles repeat throughout your life like a cyclical alarm system keeping you on your toes. Today, I learned - I hope - to break the cycle, to force myself to stand my ground and tell my students why I teach the way I do. My only wish is that my students trust in the process because I only want them to succeed in the future. I love my job. I love my life. I cannot wait to grow in strength, spirit, and in love over the course of this next year. Until tomorrow ...

January 9, 2020

Settling back into the general flow of a daily routine is like learning how to ride a bike. You try and try to stay balanced, knowing that you'll fall until one day, you figure out just how strong and secure you actually are with life choices. This is something I still tend to struggle with, but I am learning the importance of slowing down. This is my tool to get me through the rest of the year. I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to figure out whether or not it works. Until tomorrow ...

January 10, 2020

After a long week stressing over grade inputs and time running out, I am finally ready to relax for 2 brief days. Thank goodness Mr. Know-it-All is on his way because I am in need of some time with my love. Time that we can get lost in as we continue to get to enjoy each other's company. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't make it through my week-to-week. Until tomorrow ...

January 11, 2020

My favorite days are those that seem typical. Normal days that can follow a trope , if you will - hours spent perusing merchandise and a meal together under dim lighting. I love these moments because they capture in snapshots what I hope to experience for the rest of my life. Until tomorrow ...

January 12, 2020

Sundays are the worst. Goodbyes take a certain toll on the fragility and the frailty of the human soul, but at times, these are the moments that make us stronger. While I despise the ever-tolling bells at 10:30 a.m. every Sunday, I know that this signal brings me one step closer to endless opportunities to revel in the reality of my love for another human. Here's to 141 more days until my Sundays can resume their position as just another day. Until tomorrow ...

January 13, 2020

Validation is the key to success, and while this seems like just merely an ego boost, it is the fuel for constant improvement. I thrive knowing that I spark interest in students and garner their attention long enough to drive improvement. I'm so proud of the work they've accomplished and the adjustments and growth they've made thus far. Until tomorrow ...

January 14, 2020

Mindset makes a career. I never realized just how much continuity existed between mind and vocation. But, when faced with the reality of time vs. teaching, this notion came to the forefront. I slowed down, and I when I finally threw this out into the universe, teaching made a lot more sense. Until tomorrow ...

January 15, 2020

Good days are few and far between, but lately, I can say that the good outweighs the bad. I'm so grateful for the good because without it, I'm not sure I could continue my vocation. Most days it's in the little moments, but on others I find them hidden amidst the muddled mess of my day-to-day. Until tomorrow ...

January 16, 2020

Confidence is something I constantly struggle with in my field of work. It has been the shackles on my ankles all year, holding me back from reaching my full potential. However, at the crux of the new semester, I feel a resurgence of the confidence I know I have deep down. I cannot be happier to embark on the many adventures that will pop up in the next few months. Until tomorrow ...

January 17, 2020

Fridays are arguably the best day of the week. I get to leave school at a decent time, and I have the exciting anticipation of seeing my love. This weekend I get to drive home for a long weekend and spend the next few days watching Penn State basketball and some much needed relaxation. With the upcoming storm, I do hope that I can return to my faithful students come Monday. Until tomorrow ...

January 18, 2020

I love when my weekends are unexpected. Treasured moments and memorable snapshots occur when plans change at the drop of a hat. It is no surprise then that after bracing the storm to head to State College we would be stuck there overnight. I can't complain though, because I experienced a double header - basketball and hockey - and it was a mini getaway for me and Mr. Know-it-All. Until tomorrow ...

January 19, 2020

Remember, our motto is "If it's free, it's for me." My love's mother never fails to provide many laughs. This motto is particularly funny to me because my own father shares the same sentiment. All my life, I've hoarded hotel toiletries and taken advantage of free breakfast. He taught me to logically travel and approach life. I cannot wait for a lifetime expressing this motto that binds my family to Mr. Know-it-All's. Until tomorrow ...

January 20, 2020

The first day of the week is always the hardest. However, today seemed to be the exception. It was a wonderful day, and I hope this sets the tone for the remainder of the week. Four day weeks typically drag, and I'm ready for Friday to be upon us and for my love to be on his way to me once again. Until tomorrow ...

January 21, 2020

Mentally preparing for a new week is exhausting. There are so many moving parts and tasks to be accomplished before you even complete any active teaching. It's a profession that takes organization and grace ... which I hope I have. But, it is still a vocation that I love. Until tomorrow...

January 22, 2020

Tides turn, like Poseidon causing an unexpected swell to quell Odysseus' voyage. The progression of a chord changes in intonation like the day itself, as one instance tarnishes a day well spent. Life is an ebb and flow that takes an accommodating mind to survive the very nature of its course. I hope one day I'll realize that I am more than qualified to take on all those tasks on my plate. Until tomorrow ...

January 23, 2020

Some days are better than others, and today was not a good day. At times, I feel as if I have to play a role to do my job. I couldn't even wear the mask today to teach, that's how spent I am. That's how tired I am of this year. But, I will not give up. I'll keep trying to do my best as an educator. Until tomorrow ...

January 24, 2020

When adulthood wraps its claws around the next-of-age victim, it pierces deep, attempting to drain dreams of freedom and new experiences before they can even escape. However, the claw becomes less of a burden as time goes on, which is something I'm just starting to realize. Until tomorrow ...

January 25, 2020

Saturdays are my escape. I have become accustomed to spending my days off with my love, delighting in mundane excursions, such as shopping and finding new places to test our palates. These are the days that keep me chugging along through this year. Until tomorrow ...

January 26, 2020

These are the days I dread the most. I always feel as if a piece of me travels 313 miles back home, to where my heart really lies. While I do still manage a semblance of productivity, I wish I could be near my other half. Until tomorrow...

January 27, 2020

Reestablishing a weekly routine after a few days of rest is draining, especially when those days are irregular. I am very capable of adapting; I'd like to say that I'm a chameleon, but I struggle dearly when routines change. I cannot wear the mask and say that I'm always okay, but I manage. Until tomorrow ...

January 28, 2020

Today was one of those days that had an ambiguous air to it. I cannot - even still - pinpoint exactly what kind of day I had. It was neither entirely good or entirely bad ... it just was. Until tomorrow ...

January 29, 2020

It's hard for me to manage and distinguish the good from the bad ... most days. However, today was a good day. Lessons that seemed to go off as normal as any lesson can occur, the always expected, yet still jarring complaints from entitled students who feel that they know all, and of course, how can I forget the overwhelming fatigue that comes when teaching is your career. Would I trade it for the world? No. Does it frustrate me to no end? Yes. Until tomorrow ...

January 30, 2020

Even when I feel as if I'm ahead, I'm still leagues behind where I think I should be. Do you see the conundrum here? I just want an extended period of time, sans worries, novel in hand, tea or coffee in the other, and inescapable ink stains from hours of commentary written in the margins. Four more months stand between me and the bliss I seek. Until tomorrow ...

January 31, 2020

The days never get easier, but they do become more bearable when you love what you do but, oh how I miss my love. Thank goodness for our willingness to travel every weekend to see each other. If I didn't have that, I would not be able to get through the 5 days that stand between. Until tomorrow ...

February 1, 2020

It's hard to believe that this month is finally here. I remember how much time I thought I'd desperately spend waiting until the end of this school year was near ... it seemed unbearable. But, somehow, I've managed, and I couldn't be more excited to reach the finish line and start the next chapter. Until tomorrow ...

February 2, 2020

This Sunday wasn't as bad as most. I was happy because of something Mr. Know-it-All said. He very lovingly said to me as I sobbed in his arms the night before, "we're on the downward slope. We've got this." This was so beautiful to me because typically a downward slope has a negative connotation, but for us, we can race through the next 4 months and never have to do distance again. Until tomorrow ...

February 3, 2020

Mondays are always the worst, not because of the day itself, but because something always goes awry. I hate feeling like I cannot adequately express myself, especially when trying to teach a large class of students who consistently question without just doing. How difficult is that, you ask? Not very difficult, but for some reason I'm a broken record and they're the point that cracked me. Until tomorrow ...

February 4, 2020

The good always comes after the storm ... the storm being my Monday. Today was what I envision most days looking like, except for me, that very rarely occurs. However, I'm so thankful that we are one day closer to Friday because then I will be reunited with my love once more. Until tomorrow ...

February 5, 2020

It's at times hard to pinpoint where exactly overwhelming emotion stems. The waves crash over you like a mountainous swell and engulf your very being. And yet, you're unaware of the origin and the trailing off of those waves into obliteration. Maybe one day, I'll discover the exact point in time where I feel like everything is against me, but until then, I'll try to cope. Until tomorrow ...

February 6, 2020

Productive days are the most rewarding ... even if you're thrown to the wolves with potentially impromptu observations and time changes for meetings. My life is hectic, for sure, but it's making me a better professional in my line of work. I love what I do, and that, dear readers, will never change. Until tomorrow ...

February 7, 2020

Everyday, my students pray for snow, and today, they finally got their wish. While at first I was reluctant to trade in cute business attire for comfy sweats, I soon learned that I needed a day. I lounged, I watched movies, I drank copious cups of tea. But, I did stress because I left all my planning materials at school. Now, I am ahead, but I was an anxious mess. Hopefully, my love can take my mind off things for just a little while. Until tomorrow ...

February 8, 2020

Days like today resemble the Saturdays I dream for in the future. Waking up to soft breath on my neck, wrapped in the arms of the man of my dreams, lazily stumbling through making coffee, and lounging on the couch until it's time for Saturday mass. This is the ideal start to a weekend together. I love that after mass hand-in-hand we laugh through dinner and desert out and then head home for ice cream and movies in bed. But, my favorite moments are those captured with crazy dances and endless giggles. I thank God everyday for the beautiful soul he sent my way. Until tomorrow ...

February 9, 2020

Tears today turned into one of my favorite blogs. Today, I let my emotions out in the best way possible by clicking keys and crafting another excerpt. I talked about literature, and I talked about love, and I couldn't be more satisfied with my life and the people who grace my day-to-day life. Until tomorrow ...

February 10, 2020

Yes, another Monday comes to pass, and I'm never amazed at the strange quality to the progression of the day. It's always a mixture of sad yet productive, and I wish things were different. I wish I got to start my days out with my love because then they would be so much more bearable. Until tomorrow ...

February 11, 2020

There are certain moments that make me realize just how sure I am of my future. Today, I had one of those moments while sitting in a faculty meeting. I realized that while I don't entirely know the specifics of my future, I do know that I deserve a chance at professional growth while journeying through life with my love. Until tomorrow...

February 12, 2020

I've worked consistently in a school for almost three quarters of a year, and I have maintained my health. Well, yesterday, that went out the window. My students' germs have slowly migrated my way, and of course, it happened when Mother Nature decided to cast a plague on my body. In short, I'm sick a thousand times, and there is still so much work to do. Until tomorrow ...

January 13, 2020

Recognizing that you have to take a day off is the worst. I always feel as if I'm letting someone down for something I cannot control. Hopefully one day I'll learn that my own health comes first. Until tomorrow ... 

January 14, 2020

My Love

Blessings galore have graced my plate,

Since May it appears it has been fate.

A love so intense it's all consuming,

Like fertile seeds in Spring always blooming. 

You're the light on the darkest of days,

The answer to endless prayers and praise.

And yet, it never ceases to puzzle me,

Just how much you actually see.

My person, my soulmate, my love,

I'm so excited for what is to come. 

Always, Alexandra

February 15, 2020

Days like today - days where normalcy runs rampant - are my favorite. These are the conglomeration of moments that give me a slight insight into my life. Love is tricky because there is an element of faith that keeps you on your toes and forces you to let go and be free. Until tomorrow ...

February 16, 2020

Oh, yet another Sunday, except this Sunday I actually get to spend with my family. I get to go to mass with my parents, take a walk with my yorkies, and just relax on the couch with my love watching endless hours of Impractical Jokers. This is my ideal Sunday, and oh how I cannot wait for more Sundays like this. Until tomorrow ...

February 17, 2020

Even though today is President's Day and I do not have to work, I find myself doing more today than when I'm facing an unreasonable time crunch. After a long drive, I'm sitting on my couch cranking out files left and right for the upcoming week. I guess we'll just have to see how many trials and tribulations I will face this time around. Until tomorrow ...

February 18, 2020

I approached the day like it would be my worst, and it actually turned out better than I had originally thought. I was able to do some grading, my seminars were more fruitful than usual with creative ideas, and I did not have a mental breakdown. I would say that it was a good day. Until tomorrow ...

February 19, 2020

Once again, I approached the day as if it would be a struggle, and it managed to surprise me. After a late night of orchestra practice for the play the kids are putting on this year and very little sleep, I expected many hindrances to my day of grading. But, I persevered and did all of my grading. And, now that I'm caught up, all I can think to do is exercise. What is my life? Until tomorrow. ..

February 20, 2020

Productivity was the driving factor behind my day. Knowing that I have a stressful week ahead of me, I decided to plan a week ahead for all 5 of my classes. It might have been a bit overzealous, but I managed. Thank goodness. Until tomorrow ...

February 21, 2020

I managed yet another week, which is not necessarily shocking to me, but it is a mixture of both the racetrack and the slow-motion feature setting. I feel as if this year is flying by me, yet at the same time I feel as if the end of my first year teaching is nowhere near my immediate future. I wish that May would knock on my door because then that means a lifetime with my love sans the distance keeping us from failing hugs and kisses and in person chats about everything near and dear to my heart. One-hundred and one more days. Until tomorrow ...

February 22, 2020

Cuddled up on the couch, wrapped like a burrito in a blanket, in the arms of the man I love, is how I wish to spend Saturdays for the rest of my life. Cooking meals for two instead of one, baking peanut butter cookies for no reason other than the fact that I can, and sleeping in while the sun bathes our faces, is how I wish to spend every day for the rest of my life. These weekends - these tiny glimpses into my future - cultivate the excitement in my soul for endless days with my soulmate. Until tomorrow... 

February 23, 2020

This Sunday is a particularly difficult day in the midst of many because it is the first time since I started my job that I have to spend more than a week without seeing my love in the flesh. While I'm excited for more days to pass and for the trip I have the opportunity to take, I'm not too keen on sacrificing valuable time for brief enjoyment. To me, the moments we can spend with the people who light us up from the inside out, shower us with care and encouragement and love, and complete us in ways never imagined before, are the moments I prefer. I cannot wait for the day when I never have to forgo these moments for others. Until tomorrow ...

February 24, 2020

Another Monday comes and goes, and what I am now learning is that I approach every day with a ceremonial "ugh" only to find that the day ends better than I could have pictured. Even though these next two weeks are going to be beyond difficult, I know I can persevere. I can feel His presence with me every step of the way, which only proves that I am capable of finishing out this distance. I miss my love so much it feels at times as if it's unbearable, but then I feel a wash of ease ripple over me, and I am content. The panic attacks will always come and go, but at least I have my constant, quelling the panic until I can once again feel His warm embrace through the channels of my love here on earth. God placed particular people in my life for a reason, and I am forever grateful. Until tomorrow ...

February 25, 2020

It's odd - the switch that occurs when your professional life feels easier than your personal life. It's strange to move in seemingly effortless strides throughout the day, unpacking complex texts when all you truly crave is being in a comforting embrace and getting lost in conversation over home cooking for two. My heart yearns for the symbiosis of my future, yet I am stuck in my present. How do you heal the flesh wounds of distance if waiting is essential? I'm not sure I'll ever stumble through the wreckage to find the answer, but until then, I'll make the most of what lies in front of me. Until tomorrow...

February 26, 2020

Preparing for a trip is always a mixture of excitement and stress for me. I'm excited to get yet another chance to see New York, but of course my overactive imagination fabricates scenarios for which I may never have to prepare for, yet I'm always tempted to be ready for anything. I'm such a "mom" when it comes to planning and preparing and packing what I deem "the essentials." I've gone over my mental checklist and unpacked and repacked my items numerous times only to find that I am beyond stocked in items of clothing and bathroom necessities and items to fill my oversized purse and snacks. But, I do wish that I was able to make this trip with my love. Whenever I experience something new and exciting, all I wish for is the opportunity to share in that moment with Mr. Know-it-All. Maybe one day. Until tomorrow ...

February 27, 2020

Today was a rollercoaster of my many expressions and emotions, and if you know me, you know that there are not that many. Waking at the ripe hour of 3 a.m. was a jolt to my senses, and sitting on a bus until mid-afternoon definitely took a toll on me. But, after that second coffee kicked in, I was able to officially mentally prepare myself for the next 2 days in New York City. Until tomorrow ...

February 28, 2020

Chaperoning seniors - who by the way are adults - is a strange balance of both more and less stress. From being interviewed by Miss USA to getting attacked by seagulls on the ferry to Liberty Island, it was most certainly one of my favorite trips. I got the chance to know students I don't actually teach, which was quite the blessing. Until tomorrow ...

February 29, 2020

One experience from this trip that I'll never forget is walking through the 911 Memorial Museum. Now, I was very young when this tragic event happened in history, but I can still vividly remember that day. Walking through what they call the blue room induced a river of emotion - hearing phone calls from distressed citizens in the flights that were hijacked that day, reading excerpts taken from personal calls from husband to wife. I was a mess because all I could think about was my love. Immediately after wiping the streaks from my face and exiting the room, I texted Mr. Know-it-All asking him to never leave me, meaning that I would never want to traverse this earth without him by my side. It was an empathetic moment that I think everyone needs to experience. Until tomorrow ...

March 1, 2020

This past week was one of the hardest weeks for me. This weekend being the culmination of it all wracked my body with emotion after emotion because I realized that life without my love is a life I never want to experience. He makes me whole because half of my heart lies with him, always. And now, as I brace for another jam packed week, I hold onto the fact that only 92 days stand between me and forever. Until tomorrow ...

March 2, 2020

Once again, this Monday has surprised me. While my day is far from over - seeing as I have a late orchestra practice - I'm seemingly okay with this first hurdle of the week. Granted, I still have 4 more days to leap through, but I can do it. With the help of my love being ever present throughout my day with little blurbs of encouragement, we can make it through the next 3 months. As he always says with the look that pierces my soul, together we'll just take it all in and enjoy the moments that will lead us to forever. Until tomorrow...

March 3, 2020

Seeing as we are now almost through Tuesday, it appears that the week is not off to that tragic of a start. I managed to fully catch up in grading. I feel mostly confident in what I'm teaching this week. And, I am genuinely excited that I rekindled my ability to play a musical instrument. It's quite an interesting feeling to be helping and gaining in the same instance. But, the inky real thing pulling me through the week is knowing that I get to leap into my love's arms Friday night for a weekend of uninterrupted bliss, save for chaperoning a dance, but that's a story for another time. Until tomorrow...

March 4, 2020

I am a routine oriented person. I like to map out my week and my schedule so that I can anticipate where things might go awry. However, it seems quite the juxtaposition according to the professional life I lead because my days never occur according to my preemptive map. Today, for instance, I had to cover applied algebra during my prep period, and when that news came over the wire into room 207, my Wednesday took an immediate turn. While I thought this news would completely sour the rest of my teaching endeavors, alas, I was proven wrong. The motif of this week seems to imply that everything shall be the opposite of what I expect. The only factor allowing me to attempt to trailblazer through this impossibly slow week is knowing that my love graces my doorstep in just 2 days. I cannot wait to catch up exactly where we left off the last time we were together. Without his presence in my life, I would have a different spin on the past 3 days. Until tomorrow ...

March 5, 2020

Yesterday - after I had written my ritual blurb - was a bit disastrous. It's odd to me how one's mood can change on a whim, a fleeting moment barely recognizable save from the lens of the vulnerable soul. One instance - not being able to hear the voice of the light of my world - slowly began to deteriorate the resolve I had built against the all consuming thought of distance or missing opportunities or losing someone. Isn't it quite fascinating how quickly the avalanche catches speed as thoughts drift towards emptiness, loneliness, fear? My night ended as melodies of the beast and his bell faded and sobs wracked my form because not hearing his voice was the kernel of frozen particles that got the ball rolling. However, after one last note ringing in my ear before sleep took over and we parted ways, I felt peace. And, today was the augury I needed to feel that everything was going to be okay. Laughing through our invented language and abruptly "doing something cute," reminded me just how lucky I am to know a Know-it-All. Until tomorrow...

March 6, 2020

Thank goodness my stress-filled week could come to a screeching halt. I need a break. The day felt as if it was held by the tethers of last Sunday as I attempted to recuperate, unable to move forward without dragging. But alas, I get to see my love in a few short hours. I get to prepare for a wonderful weekend 2 weeks apart by alleviating stress through Clorox and a broom and cooking from scratch. Oh how I cannot wait to feel the warm embrace of the other half of my soul. Until tomorrow ...

March 7, 2020

Waking up to a mess of arms and legs wrapped around me is exactly how I want to wake up for the rest of my life. Witnessing smiles as I stretch out all the links from a much needed night's rest and sipping coffee as we watch cheesy RomComs are the moments I crave when times seem unbearable. Even chaperoning a BlackLight dance couldn't sour my mood because I came home to a kiss and a warm embrace as I showcased my dance moves to Soulja Boy. Until tomorrow ...

March 8, 2020

Yet another Sunday breaks through the deep horizon and leaves me wanting more time with Mr. Know-it-All. I spend each morning on this day avoiding the blinding sunshine because I don't ever want to face the reality of this day. But, I did, and these moments make me wish for the time when goodbyes are obsolete and hellos become the beautiful redundancy of happiness with the man of my dreams. Until tomorrow ...

March 9, 2020

Today was a hard Monday. I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I tried to mentally prepare for the week and for the insurmountable amount of grading I'll have at the end of the week. I also just did not want to have to yell at students for what seemed like simple instructions, and alas, I had to. But, I'm managing. I'm attempting to put pessimism aside and glide through the week. Sometimes, however, that is a lot easier than it sounds. My love is the only thing getting me through this never ending endeavour along with my family, of course. Until tomorrow ...

March 10, 2020

Today was a rough day. I'm not going to lie, this was probably the hardest and most draining day I've encountered in quite a while. It reminded me of the very beginning of the year as I embarked on this arduous and daunting journey through my first year teaching. I was at work at 7 a.m. as I usually appear at room 207, and I did not leave the workplace until 11:00 p.m. that night. It was exhausting, but I'm so grateful that I could be a part of something as great as the arts - watching a majority of my students flourish across the stage, two and fro, like the masterful and creatively unique individuals they are. It's a blessing, even though I wish I had my beauty sleep. Until tomorrow ...

March 11, 2020

While today was mentally and physically draining because of the minimal 4 hours of sleep I received last night, coupled with the nasty sinus infection I'm battling, it was still not that terrible of a 9-5. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, but I still find myself at peace - even with a rip in one of my favorite skirts, and a stack of grading, and illness, and unrest in the world. I'm ready for whatever comes my way. Until tomorrow...

March 12, 2020

If you would have asked yesterday if today I thought I'd spend my day at a clinic being evaluated for symptoms of the Coronavirus, I would have shrugged it off and laughed. And yet, that is exactly how I spent my day: running to get prescriptions and a thermometer to track my temperature in case it spikes, walking into my workplace with a mask on and Lysol wipes in my hands. It was the scariest day of my life, and not because I'm afraid of being sick, but because the media has caused mass hysteria, and that terrifies me. The world we live in drastically changed in the matter of 48 hours. I now have to adapt - which we teachers are well-equipped for adaptations - once again and teach remotely online for 3 weeks. I pray that the measures the US is taking settles the waves caused by starving journalists sinking their teeth into any information before fact checking and calming the general public. I pray for normalcy once again. Maybe some day soon I'll get that. While I'm nervous about what the next weeks will hold, i'm glad I get to do it amidst the love of my family and Mr. Know-it-All. I need them. Until tomorrow ...

March 13, 2020

I'm home. While the circumstances are still up in the air as to what exactly the future holds, I at least get to spend the next 3 weeks surrounded by love. I get to joke with my parents and my younger brother. I get to spend time with my love, binge watching movies and series, debating varying topics, and just reveling and appreciating the time we have together. With all that is happening in our world today, I'm so grateful for those in my life whom I know I can count on. I finally feel as if a semblance of normalcy can bleed through the chaos of the times. Until tomorrow ...

March 14, 2020

With all the ever circulating information and "what ifs," the only thing really tethering me to normalcy is my love. Being 30 minutes away from him is a breath of fresh air, the final resurfacing after feeling like I've been underwater for months. I feel whole in this crazy vortex of life, and while that may sound crazy, I'm okay with this current situation. Until tomorrow ...

March 15, 2020

Waking up on a Saturday in my bed snuggled with my cats is exactly what I've been waiting for since I left for my job in August. Lounging over coffee on the couch reading my Mother Teresa devotional and chit chatting with my mom were moments I want in my everyday life. Spending my entire day just being in the presence of Mr. Know-it-All made me feel so much better while I attempted to get over a sinus infection and a cold. He was just the right dose of medicine I needed. Until tomorrow ...

March 16, 2020

I spent my entire day crafting lessons for 3 weeks, updating my email, and opening the line of communication between me, my students, and parents. Working remotely is much harder than I thought, but I'm so lucky to do this while surrounded by the people I love. All we can really do is embrace every day and live because if we let the fear of a pandemic overtake us, we will never truly live. Until tomorrow ...

March 17, 2020

Today was my first day really tasting just how available I have to be. I spent 8 hours today grading, updating assignments, scheduling timed posts, and responding to students' onslaught of questions about how this 3 weeks is going fair. I'm exhausted, but I love my job. I had so much fun finding resources for my students to use to understand the works they were reading. This is as much a learning opportunity for me as it is for them, and I'm excited to keep learning and communicating with my students. I am also so grateful for my love as he continues to make me laugh day in and day out with his ridiculous "interpretative" dance moves. Until tomorrow ...

March 18, 2020

To be a teacher right now is a whirlwind of "do this'' and "prepare that" without really knowing what exactly we are doing. It's flying by the seat of our sweatpants and pajamas as we try to literally complete a 180 and move all of our instruction online. But what the masses don't realize is that it's 12 plus hours glued to a computer screen making sure we're covering all of our bases. It's constantly quelling the anxieties of our diverse students as we attempt to provide as many resources and accommodations as we can. It is a job that typically goes unnoticed and rarely receives recognition, and I'm glad that we -as educators- still come together and make it work even in times like these. Until tomorrow ...

March 19, 2020

More infuriating trifles hinder this transition, such as servers crashing, poor internet connection, and a knot in my back the size of a golf ball. But, I'm still somehow making it work. However, today I realized that I need to take time for myself. I cannot continue these insane hours of unending connection to my keyboard. My love is the constant keeping me above water as endless emails try to pull me under water. Until tomorrow ...

March 20, 2020

It is taking longer than I thought to adjust to this online teaching gig. It is quite the balance of expectations versus taking into consideration that this is an adjustment for everyone. I'm still learning, and while I'm glued to my notifications now, I hope this fades soon. My love was the perfect distraction, even though he had to force me at times to just let it go for the night. I'm so grateful to have him as my other half, my soulmate. Laughing with him makes all my stresses fade away. I can't believe how lucky I am. Until tomorrow ...

March 21, 2020

I finally feel as if I can relax a bit and spend some much needed time with my love without the impending threat of immediate distance. However, it is odd to be out enjoying the day when everything is so desolate. We had a blast failing at tennis and breathing in the fresh spring air as we did laps around an alma mater. We laughed as I rage quit and laid in the center of the tennis court and hopped to the beat of background music on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It is an ideal day in an odd world with the man of my dreams. Until tomorrow ...

March 22, 2020

Today I think Mr. Know-it-All and I both had a case of the "Sunday Scaries." While neither of us had to leave the other for an extended period, the day still had that foreboding feeling. All day I could feel this sense of the Monday Blues, but for us, it's typically two-fold. However, after we realized why we were so emotional, we were able to dance it out in his doorway before saying goodnight and not goodbye. I will never tire of his contagious laugh and quirky sense of humor, his wonderful smell and warm embrace. His "do something cute poses" will get me through another work week. Until tomorrow ...

March 23, 2020

And yet another work week begins. Today, I finally stole away from my laptop around 6, which was so difficult for me knowing how much work I still have yet to accomplish. I think the hardest part for me is that I do so much, yet at times it feels as if students just don't appreciate it. They constantly ask for more and more, and what I'm finding is that someone, an educator always has more to give. I'm truly learning so much about myself with this experience of on-the-spot online instruction. I also realized today that while I dearly miss the routine of my day, I want this time at home to continue for as long as I can reap the benefits. I don't want the 30 minutes to transition into 5 hours. I want my love near and dear to me forever and always. Until tomorrow ...

March 24, 2020

Teaching online is now such an odd endeavor with politics so split on a decision right now. This proves difficult for educators because of how much work we have put into our online outlets. Every ounce of our energy has arguably gone into finding resources and opening the line of communication. But, what happens if we do go back to school in person this year? Does that work go out the window? If we don't go back, how does that impact the quality of learning? There are still so many questions, so many variables, but what I do know, is that I am doing my best. My love has been and will always be my rock in life, and I'm so lucky to have him. Until tomorrow ...

March 25, 2020

Today is the day my love was born, and I could not be more grateful for his existence. He is my one and only, the man who makes me smile each and every day no matter how he himself feels. He's the man who accepts my oddities and loves me for who I am, no questions. He is kind and loving and beautiful and smart and loyal, and I'm so lucky I get to spend the rest of my days getting to know him. Until tomorrow ...

March 26, 2020

It felt so good today to hear some solidifying news from my school about moving forward during this pandemic. I found myself teasing out of stress mode and moving into a more relaxed mode because I have a bit more time at home, unless things change. I got to hear the fluttering tone of my love mid day, which always brightens my mood. I went for a walk with my mom and our 3 neurotic dogs, and once that feat was finished, my mom and I made dinner together. It was a good day. I need more of them. Until tomorrow ...

March 27, 2020

Another Friday has come and gone, and how did I spend my day, you ask? My mother and I took a lovely adventure through Mr. Know-it-All's wardrobe and did a bit of reorganizing. Of course, in the midst of a pandemic and oodles of stress, I would initiate phase 5 of an elaborate birthday scheme. But, it was so worth it. I actually had fun color coding and learning more about my love. And, the perfect way to end the night was wrapped in his arms wearing one of my newly thrifted t-shirts from his closet. Until tomorrow ...

March 28, 2020

Saturday's now that the quarantine has been enacted are a bit stir crazy. Mr. Know-it-All and I still make the most of our time together, but we're both itching to go out and about and do something other than bingeing Tiger King and The Great British Bake Show. We've become addicted to Netflix and cozying up on the couch. What could be better? Until tomorrow ...

March 29, 2020

This Sunday is a bit of an odd duck. I'm so used to going to mass and prepping for the upcoming week, but now I just feel as if my Sundays are a bit off. There's no real sense of dread anymore because I'm home, but with everything in the world so uncertain, I feel uncertain. I hope this quarantine can let up soon because walks with my neurotic dogs and the same schedule layout each day are driving me bonkers. Until tomorrow ...

March 30, 2020

Well, after a Zoom faculty meeting and confirmation from the Ohio governor, it looks like I'll be home through April. If you would have told me that my first year teaching was going to be an overwhelming mass of work and include a pandemic, free of charge, I would have called you crazy and called it a day. And yet, this is my insane reality. Maybe I should write a book about it ... Maybe I just might. Even though today was a bit difficult and muddled for everyone, I'm glad I have my support system and my love to keep me afloat. Until tomorrow ...

March 31, 2020

My days all seem to be blending together - grading, reading, procrastinating, and occasionally eating. One element to break up the monotony of my day was the arrival of some packages. Considering all we can do is order and wait during this time of social distancing, I guess my enthusiasm comes and goes in waves. I do, however, like reading. I cranked out 60-ish pages this morning, and it was a nice additive to my morning coffee. But, what really keeps my days light and airy are the interspersed texts and snaps from my love. He knows just how to make me feel better. Until tomorrow ...

April 1, 2020

As we dive deeper into Spring, I find myself more antsy and rearing to do anything other than the copious stack of virtual grading I have now amassed. Just going out to run some essential errands, i.e. the grocery store, felt exhilarating. I'm in one of those organizational moods where all I want to do is rearrange and clean. Today, I cleaned out and jarred all our pantries. It was so satisfying, and I guess it cured my itch. I also managed to plan what my 10th grade English class will be completing for the rest of the year. I guess you could say that I'm on a roll. However, the highlight of my day was making a quick pitstop to see my love during work. I left grading behind to stop by his house to steal a quick hug and a kiss before he got back to his conference call. How lucky we both are to be closer than we thought we'd be these last few months, working from home. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with the man who makes me smile and makes my heart so happy to know that God placed him in my path for a reason. Until tomorrow ...

April 2, 2020

This online transition has been a little bit of a struggle. For me, I like to have a structured schedule of back to back responsibilities. I work my best under pressure; however, this distance learning has provided a new pressure I never really thought I'd have to deal with, which is attitude and entitled children. I dealt with it during in person teaching, don't get me wrong, but this is a whole new level of brash abrasiveness from the mouth of a 14 year old that I was not expecting. And what can I do? I'm stuck in my narwhal slippers behind my computer screen attempting to justify myself for both reasons other than a child should not talk to their educators in that manner. I cannot wait for this weekend to consume me and a 10-day break to distance myself even further from this chaos. The one bright light amidst all the anger was the comforting notion that my love sat on the phone with me for about 40 minutes, and we silently completed our respective jobs together. That's love. Until tomorrow...

April 3, 2020

As quarantine continues, I find myself less intrigued to completing my work. I'm such a homebody by nature, but the idea of mixing home life with school life does not leave a good taste in my palate. However, what brought me out of 65 pages of reading and one graded assignment was finally finished by phase 6 of 7 of my lover's birthday gifts. We painted coffee mugs today for each other, and it was more fun than I thought - reminiscing, coining our catch phrases, and just spending time together after a crappy day with more unknowns. The future is a scary realm with many variables, but I know my constant is Mr. Know-it-All. Until tomorrow ...

April 4, 2020

Something on my mind a lot today while in my lover's arms was the future. I often think about what life will look like after the dust of this pandemic settles and outward normalcy can reflect what each person is now trying to emulate. I think about what my life in partnership will be like. I never fathomed it as an option, but the more deeply I fall in love, I become even more excited to enjoy life with someone who brings out the best in me. Someone who makes even my darkest days bright and provides an abundance of laughs and security when I need it most. I look forward to uninterrupted moments that never have to end in goodbye. Until tomorrow ...

April 5, 2020

Today was another one of those days where I wished my love and I were together without the impending feeling of having to leave each other. Without that security, each and every moment is bittersweet. We watched The British Baking Show, we baked lemon and walnut bread, and we went for a nice walk. These are all favorites of mine that make this time of seclusion worth waking up the next morning for more adventures and improvement and learning and journeying and joy. I never thought I'd fall so deeply, but I'm so glad he was there to catch me before I had the chance to scrape my knees. We even ended the night by finally adding Mr. Know-it-All to the family group chat, and it made me so happy to see him fully accepted into my odd family - almost as a symbol for what is to come. Until tomorrow ...

April 6, 2020

I knew that I would be looking for a new job come the end of the school year, but I completely forgot how strenuous the application process was. It's odd finishing out the current school year while figuring out my next. However, I did manage to fill out 3 applications. Maybe I'm on to something. I really hope that my path is revealed to me soon. My love has always managed to brighten my day with a little package and numerous phone calls. I will never be able to express my love for him. Until tomorrow ...

April 7, 2020

Today, I finally wrote a blog. It has been almost 2 months since I fashioned an insight, and it felt so good. I haven't really found the time or the motivation to do what I love as of late, but this time in quarantine has made me appreciate all the things I love about myself. Until tomorrow ...

April 8, 2020

On a whim, my mother and I decided to go to Ohio on a one-day, 600 mile trip so that I could replenish my closet, grab necessities and mementos, and further prepare items for online teaching. It was an insane, last minute decision, but I actually had fun. It felt oddly invigorating to move things out as stink bugs took over my empty apartment - gosh I cannot wait to be tidy of that place. I was energetically rocking out to jams from the early 2000s with my mom as I took shots of Mott's applesauce. It was a wild and fun ride. With quarantining measures rapidly becoming more strict and even more uncertainties in the world, it was a necessary trip. Now, tomorrow begins the unpacking and reorganizing. Until tomorrow ...

April 9, 2020

After an impromptu trip to Ohio to gather more items for survival as I teach remotely, we now have to unpack and organize. What a feat. However, we managed - once coffee raced through my bloodstream- to fashion me a desk resembling my personified desk in Room 207, unpack all my clothes and mementos, and decorate my room. I even managed to reboot my big laptop and refile all my resources and teaching materials. It is quite shocking how much I've accomplished in just a year and a half, and I cannot wait to continue pursuing my profession. Until tomorrow ...

April 10, 2020

This Friday felt so different from the last. I finally feel as if I'm home. I woke up in my bed, surrounded by all the little trinkets and intricacies that make me feel like myself, and it just provided a safe and warm environment. I then proceeded to plan for this upcoming week of school, which encompassed some inspired ideas for project-based learning. Then, I got to spend some much needed time with my love. We baked dessert for Easter, we fixed our mugs for each other to sip our coffee out of each day, and we way he'd even more of The Great British Baking Show. It is bliss. Until tomorrow ...

April 11, 2020

Easter is upon us, and in preparation for the celebration of Christ's resurrection, I've been completing daily devotional reading that has left me much inspired. It is a joy to read the words of Mother Teresa each and every day. I also spent more time with Mr. Know-it-All, lounging, snuggling, and watching more of our favorite series. These are the days that I enjoy the most because time stands still for a while, and I get to just revel in the moment. Plus, he shaved down to five o'clock shadow, and he looks mighty fine. I couldn't get over how cute he looked today, and this day of relaxation just reiterated how much I love this man and how excited I am to spend my first Easter with him. Until tomorrow ...

April 12, 2020

This Easter just felt a little different, especially with everything happening in the world. However, I still took this holiday as an excuse to dress up. I took the time to put on make-up for the first time in over a month, I wore my beloved heels, and I adorned my fancy mint green Spring trench coat. Dressing up made it feel like there was more happiness in the world than the outward representation would lead us to believe. It was such a joy to eat with Mr. Know-it-All and his parents before trekking back to my house for dinner number two. I loved every minute of this day because I fell more in love with the man who makes all my days brighter. I'll always remember our first Easter. Until tomorrow...

April 13, 2020

Navigating social distancing is so strange when the general public is left lacking information. In my position as a teacher, I'm moving at a 3-week interval, and this is frustrating in many respects. I wish there was a bit more of a definitive regarding the status of school closures because then I could relax. I could release the pent up tension and sigh a breath of relief at the notion that I'm home. My heart lies here with my family, with my love. Until tomorrow...

April 14, 2020

I felt more productive today than I have in a while. I found myself going back to my roots and being the creative educator I wanted to be this year. While I do still thrive on the ingenuity that lives in teaching, I've never felt as if I could be as creative and out there with my lessons as I wanted to be. With a move to block teaching 2 days a week, I decided to make the switch to project-based learning, as well as utilizing graphic organizers. I made so many today, and it was a joy. I was done work early, I started an embroidery project, I went on a walk, did some abs, and now I'm relaxing. What a breath of fresh air in this madness. Of course, Mr. Know-it-All makes every day a new adventure, even if we are separated by 35 miles. Until tomorrow ...

April 15, 2020

I spent my entire days doing arts and crafts, and it was such a nice change of pace and a thrill as an educator. I switched up my teaching style a little as we continued quarantine, and it was the best decision. I finally found the balance of fun and academics. I wish I would have come to this conclusion sooner, but alas, I've arrived at the notion that I would much rather grade art right now rather than papers. Just seeing the students really get into the idea made teaching in quarantine worth it. My love is always a constant reminder of how great my life is, and I'm so glad I can be quarantined with him. Until tomorrow ...

April 16, 2020

I worked longer than I have in quite a while, and it didn't make me hate my job or working from the confines of my home. This is such a trying time for people, and yet this was the day that rekindled my love for teaching in a fun and creative way. Something else that proved to be a beacon of light was the ability to have a chat with a student who seems to be struggling. I'm so grateful for parents who truly and deeply care about their child's learning and well being because it helps me be a better educator. I can better assess and look for signs when I have more information. Plus, it was just good to talk to a kiddo after 1 month in quarantine. As always, my love managed to make my day even brighter by coming to see me and suggesting a day working at home together. Until tomorrow...

April 17, 2020

Never will I ever schedule 5 one-hour Zoom calls right in a row. However, seeing my students interact with each other again was something I needed to keep going during this time. They made me laugh and showed me just how bright and creative they could be this week. It was such a joy to see and hear their voices because they are why I do what I do. Working with my love today was such a fun contrast to the typically monotony, and I can't wait to do it again. His laughter and our sparing got me through this week. He is everything to me. Until tomorrow ...

April 18, 2020

The weekends for me are always filled with visits from my love. He comes to me and I go to him ... we've established our routines. We go on walks, we bake, we watch movies. These are the moments I live for all week. However, something still bothering me is the uncertainty of this entire worldly situation. This first year teaching has been cumbersome for me knowing that I was trekking through a long distance relationship. Quickly, we both realized how much it hurt to be apart, and yet, traveling every other weekend was beginning to take its toll. Then quarantine happened, and I've been home ever since. But, I have this same bittersweet feeling that I had over the summer preparing to leave. I'm not sure now whether I have to go back. At this point, after working from home together and reveling in a 35 minute distance - I don't think I could survive going back. It would break me down. I would crumble in the void of loneliness, and I never, ever want to feel that again. That is my current fear, and I hope I have news soon. Until tomorrow ...

April 19, 2020

I'm so grateful for my family. My family is so supportive of me and my goals and aspirations. I am so lucky to have grown up the way I did because I know the value and meaning to life. The beauty of growing up is that hopefully your family grows in many different ways. My family extends far beyond just blood. I found a man who loves and respects me, and he came into my life at such a perfect time. I now know that he was placed strategically because my future will forever be linked with his. Along with my love came his lovely parents, with whom we spent an entire afternoon playing board games. I loved playing games with my family growing up, and I'm so glad I could introduce that to the new members of my family. Until tomorrow...

April 20, 2020

I'm home. Today, I heard the news I've been waiting for, the weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to teach from home for the rest of this academic year. I'm so glad that my heart can finally rest. However, there was a sobering aspect to this news that was unfortunately brought to light during a faculty meeting. Unbeknownst to me, my personal life was dredged up on a serving platter for my colleagues tonight as we for some unknown reason talked about the Fall rather than focus on the now. I felt embarrassed and ashamed because it was made to look like I flippantly made a decision that quite frankly weighed on my heart for the better part of a year. I love my profession, and I care so deeply for my students in all that they do. They're the reason I spend 8 hours attached to my computer on my off days. They're the reason I make creative lessons. They're the reason I complete my own assignments and spend 5 hours on back-to-back Zoom calls. They're what keep me going while distance teaching, and I've never felt like what I do has been disregarded more. I don't ask for recognition as a teacher. I never have, and I'm not sure I'll ever actively seek it. I'm just doing what I love because I knew that teaching was an outlet for my passion for English. I hope that wherever I land next appreciates the value of a teacher and respects a decision that was made for my future. Until tomorrow...

April 21, 2020

After yesterday's high and ending low, I felt a little discouraged beginning my day. I didn't want to deal with work, but I ultimately knew I had to because I'm always there for my students. I managed to get a decent amount of work done and plan my day for tomorrow. I like days where I can check items off the list and then subsequently add more to that list. But, I also like days where I can pursue hobbies, like almost finishing an embroidered sweatshirt for my sister. The shining light fueling me through the day was the fact that I'm home because my home is with my love. I cannot wait to see what our future holds. Until tomorrow ...

April 22, 2020

I often ponder my choices; it's that engraved technique of being a reflective practitioner. But, what I ponder most is my next steps. I know that I will be faced with many more challenges in life, but looking for a job this year specifically makes me nervous. There are more uncertainties this year alone than I've ever had in my life. I know that God has a plan for me and part of my plan was moving onwards and upwards from this first year teaching. I guess I just have to trust in his plan. Thank goodness for my love because he is what keeps me going when I let my pondering take over. Until tomorrow ...

April 23, 2020

Thank goodness we've switched to block scheduling. Going at full speed 5 days a week with more work than I've ever had as a teacher was burning me out real quick. I needed to scale back and take these last 5 weeks as they come. I have more time to spend snuggling with my pets, going on walks, cooking, reading, and writing for fun. I cannot wait to take advantage of these opportunities. But, after a day of Zoom calls once again, I got to head to my love's to spend a night safe in his arms, my favorite place to be. Until tomorrow ...

April 24, 2020

Today I'm working remotely from my current remote location. Last Friday, Mr. Know-it-All worked from my home office, and this week it was my turn to work in his at home office. After coffee and banter with his parents, I got ready for the day, strolled downstairs, set up in the rocking chair, and went to town. I planned a week in advance and managed to get all of my materials for the next week up and scheduled on various forms of virtual access. I felt so accomplished, and I actually had fun planning small reading units for my freshmen. The most memorable moments, however, were watching my love passionately talk about his Penn State office attire to his entire office. To see his face light up through the football helmet melted my heart, and I'm so grateful to spend many more years by his side. Until tomorrow...

April 25, 2020

I finally moved home. My parents, Mr. Know-it-All, and I spent 10 hours in the car, and 5 hours packing up and cleaning out my apartment. It was quite the adventure to see what was my life for 3 years packed up and moved back to my true home with my family, but most importantly with the man I know will be by my side forever. I truly cannot believe how lucky I am to have such a caring and hard working man in my life. His gag gift to me - a mug and t-shirt claiming Ohio to be the worst state ever - means so much to me because it embodies how hard and draining and cumbersome and depressing this year has been. As we drove back after I locked Apt. 8 for the last time, I sobbed because the weight and gravity of this year caught up to me. I would not have gotten through this year without my love. I just can't help from thinking that I would still be 313 miles away from everything near and dear to my heart for 36 more days if not for this pandemic. I often think that the symbolism behind the 40 day mark in full quarantine from March 23-May 1 is a sign from God that we as humans needed this disaster to grow in our faith and be stronger afterwards. My life is a beautiful disaster, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Until tomorrow ...

April 26, 2020

I'm home. Today is the first day I will officially be moved, and I couldn't be happier. I fully appreciate my time in Ohio and this fruitful year of teaching, but I am ready for the next step in my career, as well as a life without distance. It is a breath of fresh air, a weight lifted off my shoulders, a sign that all the time I spent debating my choices paid off because this is where I belong. Because of the tiresome day yesterday, I peacefully slept in Mr. Know-it-All's arms as he watched a James Bond movie, and it fully reiterated that right there is where I belong. Always. Until tomorrow ...

April 27, 2020

Yet another Monday graces my life, and for some reason I felt such a lack of motivation to do anything of substance. I meandered out of bed, drank my coffee, and lounged on the couch as the minutes ticked by with my parents watching Chicago PD. Granted, I was reading Le Morte D'Arthur during the commercials, but I barely got through half of the reading I have to teach next week. And guess what? I couldn't care less. I had a relaxing day, snuggling with my dogs that nothing else mattered. My week is starting on a high note, unless my faculty meeting tonight changes the tone I set for myself this week. Alas, I'm just taking in the moments and reveling in the fact that I'm home. Nothing, not even the fact that Uhaul charged me double for the rented cab, is tampering with my spirit. I'm happy and relieved that I can now begin the next chapter and move forward. Who really knows what is in store, but I cannot wait to find out. Until tomorrow ...

April 28, 2020

Today was yet another lazy day for me, binging Chicago PD, snuggling with my dogs, and reading at each commercial. To be frank, I'm a little burnt out from this school year and virtual learning. I just want a break and the chance to forget about my responsibilities for a while. But alas, I must keep chugging along to finish out my first year teaching. Of course, Mr. Know-it-All kept me sane as the hours ticked by. Until tomorrow ...

April 29, 2020

Today I was productive, or at least more productive than I had been in days. I set out to finish reading the texts I'm teaching so that I could film lectures. Therefore, a majority of my day was filming lectures, which was tiresome in the least. It was such a long day, and I'm so glad I can relax after a quick workout. I felt a sporadic surge of energy after bopping and doing the dishes, which led to an ab workout that has left me exhausted. But, of course dancing and singing and sending snapchats to my love just made me so happy. I just feel so carefree, not even my job can bring me down. Until tomorrow ...

April 30, 2020

I haven't had a rough day teaching in a long time, and today was one of those days. When distance learning began, I thought it was going to be a 3 week venture, and begrudgingly I would go back to Room 207 and leave my family behind to finish out the year. The longer I was home, the more I knew I couldn't go back. I knew that as much as I loved teaching, I couldn't leave my people, my family, my love behind. All year, I knew my heart was leaving little pieces of itself behind in my hometown. I went back more of an empty shell each 600 mile round trip, and I was glad when the governor made the call to close for the year. And yet, I cannot justify the way we are doing distance learning. I cannot help my kids who thrive during class discussion. I cannot force kids to be excited about literature anymore. I can only be as excited as I am, and when students start pulling back and looking at you like you're crazy, what are you to do? How do I go on as an educator when standards are thrown out the window, when my standards are forced to be lowered by higher powers? How do I make the most out of the next month when today, while spending 5 hours waiting for a minute sampling of kids to join my virtual discussions, was so draining and belittling of the amount of work and effort I put into my job? I guess I just have to push through the ache I get when kids ignore requests for help and face confrontation when parents attack through the subject bar. I thank God for Mr. Know-it-All because there were many moments today when sobs threatened to crack through the facade I put on to get through the day. He can make even the worst days brighter. I'm aware that to most my day seems insignificant, but I'd like to ask readers to reflect on the fact that as an educator I create, I teach, I nurture, and I parent. My students are my kids, and I'll never stop trying to get through, even when circumstances seem to force me to. Until tomorrow ...

May 1, 2020

After a rough day yesterday, it was a relief to get a decent amount of work done. I did not realize how close I am to the end of the year, and to say that was a relief to discover is the understatement of 2020. What makes me so excited for the future, however, is not that the year is ending, but that I get to uncover so many more blessings in my life. That is what is getting me through, knowing that my love and I have known each other for 1 year, which is something I never thought I'd know. Until tomorrow ...

May 2, 2020

Plans change, and at times, I can be irritable when I'm thrown for a loop. But, I'm glad today my plans took a curve because it gave me time to reflect upon how lucky I am. While Mr. Know-it-All golfed with the boys, I baked 43 cupcakes, organized some of my things, and got a head start on my reading for the week. Then I spent the evening snuggled in my love's arms. It was the perfect way to end my Saturday, even if there was a stink bug in my bed. Until tomorrow ...

May 3, 2020

As the weather warms and pandemic restrictions attempt to lesson, Mr. Know-it-All and I went for a walk. Today reminded me of summer weekends, yet this day was not bittersweet because there is no unending departure in my future. I am home for good, and I couldn't be happier to spend my days forever being grateful for where this year has led me. Thank God. Until tomorrow ...

May 4, 2020

I learned today that I need to be diligent this last month if school is to finish everything I need to accomplish. I also learned that I never want to apply for a new job ever again. This is the part of being an educator that makes me hate the process because it distracts me from what I truly love, which is in class instruction and engaging my students. However, I'm still on my feet; so, the insane demands have not scared me away just yet. My love, of course, is always a phone call away, ready to listen and help me when I need it. Until tomorrow ...

May 5, 2020

As I continue to map out the rest of this academic year, I always feel like no matter how much time I spend doing work, the work never gets done. It is quite tedious and relentless, but all I can do is what I can mentally handle each day. However, an exciting moment for me today was to think about how exciting my life is and how grateful I am. That keeps me going, along with my daily dose of coffee, of course. Until tomorrow ...

May 6, 2020

After yesterday's productive rhythm, today managed to fall short. Beginning with a disruption - i.e. a fingerprinting appointment and a trip to the grocery store to fulfill my need to get out of the house - already set me up for a day of procrastination. I did managed to read, but I just wasn't feeling the hardcore levels of teacher status I reached the day prior. And guess what? Sometimes, that's okay. Sometimes I just need a minute. Plus, my end of the year slow down is kicking in full force. Now, I don't spend all my days in this manner, but every so often I fall into that hole. Tomorrow is a different story. All I really want is to be done for just a little while. Of course my love kept me entertained today with interesting snaps. He always makes my days better. Until tomorrow ...

May 7, 2020

I was more productive today than I have been in a long time. I felt invigorated to get my plans done for the last two weeks of the year, and man it felt good. It was rewarding to read and listen to and grade creative assignments from all my students. I felt as if I was fulfilling my role as an effective educator just by simply being there for my students when they need it. In these times of uncertainty, it is best to just be available, to let these kids know that they are validated in their feelings and in their stresses. I try to make sure they know I care and that I cared all year. Today was a day well spent; now, onto the next. Until tomorrow ...

May 8, 2020

As the end of the year approaches, I find that my Friday's become more productive knowing that less lies ahead. One of the perks this Friday was receiving emails from students for Teacher Appreciation Week. I never expect correspondence or validation, but to say I needed it is an understatement. I needed to hear those kind words from my students because it makes what I do mean more to me to know I'm making an impact. Until tomorrow ...

May 9, 2020

One of the best parts of my week is reaching the end of the work week to see my love once again. Friday nights together that blend into Saturday's baking and watching comedy specials while I doze are the moments I live for. These are the moments where I catch his cute smile and dazzling dimples, where we sing together with snap filters and I laugh so hard reveling in the fact that he is mine forever. I love him so much, and my only hope is that he knows how I need him, how much he completes me to my core. Until tomorrow ...

May 10 , 2020

Mother's Day always tends to sneak up on me. This year, however, I was prepared. If it weren't for delays in shipping due to the pandemic, I would have given all of my gifts today. But alas, I had to settle on baked goods and partial gifts, and still, it was a good day. What made this day even more special than honoring my mother, whom I would not survive without, was honoring Mr. Know-it-All's mother. I'm so grateful that she raised the man I love because she did a fantastic job at shaping him into the kind, loving, and caring person I cannot wait to spend the rest of my days with. I'm also grateful that my own mother - along with the rest of my family - has accepted him with open arms. My mother especially can translate my neurotic language to him when at times I can be hard to handle. How did I get to be so lucky? Until tomorrow ...

May 11, 2020

Happiness. This is the mood that overpowers everything else in my life lately. No matter how hard the work week gets, I still find myself smiling at how wonderful my life is. Even my faculty meeting tonight couldn't dampen my spirits. I had a productive day, but tomorrow is going to be even more productive. I cannot wait until these last 2 weeks are finished so I can fully focus on my future, which I am so excited to tackle. Until tomorrow ...

May 12, 2020

I'm making progress. I felt significantly more motivated today, and I managed to basically complete one class' curriculum mapping. I feel accomplished, even after rushing around to schedule and conduct a meeting in 9 minutes only for it to be rescheduled for Thursday. I created 4 finals, I updated grades, and I finished reading for the year. I'm on a roll. However the most enticing part of my day was waiting for hilarious snaps from my love. It keeps me going when all I really want to do is worry about my future. Until tomorrow ...

May 13, 2020

Once again, I had a quite productive day, which makes the end of this year feel so much closer. A hard part of my day was filming a send off video for my students. It might not matter as much to them - quite frankly, I'd expect nothing less - but it was a bittersweet moment for me. I'm truly going to miss my time with them and this eventful and stressful year teaching. Even though this was hard for me, I know in my heart it was the right decision for my future. I know that God has a plan for me, and He was calling me home. Until tomorrow ...

May 14, 2020

As my work week begins to dwindle, I find myself getting more and more excited about the summer. Even though the literal world has been flipped upside down, nothing can keep me from looking forward to what is to come in the next few months. It's odd to contemplate life as you grow older because it takes moments like these - a pause on normalcy - to realize just how fast life changes. When you're bogged down in the thick of it all, changes appear minute, not even apparent. But as I reflect, I come to learn just how much my life has progressed in 5 years. Not only that, but in the last year, I've experienced so much heartache and stress and love and beauty and blessings. I've grown. I've learned. And now I can begin working on the next steps with Mr. Know-it-All always by my side. Until tomorrow ...

May 15, 2020

Friday took forever to arrive; however, I'm so glad I finally got to see my love. While we are lucky and fortunate enough to be rid of a long distance relationship, I do still hate to be away from him. But, I do thoroughly enjoy our Friday nights together. They make the whole week worth it. Until tomorrow ...

May 16, 2020

Slow Saturdays have been quite enjoyable since quarantine began - sipping coffee on the couch with the dogs, watching crime shows, and chit chatting with my mom. I finally feel whole after years of loneliness in Ohio. But, my Saturdays only get better when I get to see my love once more. Today consisted of a late lunch, a 3 mile walk just chatting, and then snuggling up together to watch a movie. Literally, this is what I never pictured I'd have with another human, and I could not be luckier to call him mine. Until tomorrow ...

May 17, 2020

Today was the day I got engaged. I still cannot believe that it actually happened. Mr. Know-it-All completely swept me away with his creative plan to recreate our year with a board game he made. It melted my heart to see him unfold his intricately crafted plan. I also never expected to say yes only a year after knowing my love, but I knew quite near the beginning of our journey that he was the other half of my soul. I'm so excited to take this next step. My heart is so full. Until tomorrow ...

May 18, 2020

It is my first day engaged, and it is so weird! I have to get used to being called fiancée and wearing a ring on my left finger. It is surreal. Even our 3 mile walk today felt different. I felt like a new woman, and I don't want this feeling to ever fade. My happiness and joy has only grown in the past year, and I'm so excited for our next steps in our journey to being united as one. Until tomorrow ...

May 19, 2020

The end of the year is gradually approaching, and it is such a strange feeling. To complete my first year teaching is a feat in my eyes. I often reflect on my work this year and question whether or not I was good enough or if I did my due diligence as an educator. Well, today I was affirmed by another faculty member's reference letter. I did not think I made an impact at all this year. But what he wrote really brought to the forefront that my passion for writing means something. I can really run with it if I want because I made a difference in the lives of my 10th graders. That made my entire year, knowing I guided them to that success. I think it's finally time for me to write that book. Until tomorrow …

May 20, 2020

As the weather warms and school responsibilities dwindle for the summer, I find myself gravitating toward the great outdoors and untouched novels. Because the outside calls me, I now have to deal with an insane amount of sunburn that plagues my pale body. I did make my way through a good chunk of a novel I bought about 7 years ago. I love that I'm making time for my passions, like reading and writing. While the job hunt is still under way, I can at least fill in the gaps of time with a little bliss. Until tomorrow ...

May 21, 2020

Today turned out a bit refreshing. I ended up job searching once again, and I found myself getting excited about what my future holds. While my anxiety about actually securing a job this year is at an all time high, I know that His plan will be revealed to me soon. All I can do is be as authentically me as I can be and network as often as possible. Mr. Know-it-All has his work cut out for him with me this summer, but I think he is the man for the job. Until tomorrow ...

May 22, 2020

I love Fridays because I can relax in the arms of the man I love. Granted, today I feel as if someone is repeatedly stabbing me in the lower abdomen, but I guess I'll survive, right? I could barely function long enough to sit up let alone do any work. My only hope is that it will fade soon. Until tomorrow ...

May 23, 2020

This Saturday, I had the opportunity to spend time at Mr. Know-it-All's house. Here we ate a late lunch with his parents, and afterwards, I received exciting news. Seeing the reaction of those around me to a phone screen for a job that would quite honestly be an amazing step in my professional career made my day. I had so much energy that we needed to throw around the baseball to relieve some energy. I couldn't be happier in my life and have so much love surrounding me. Until tomorrow ...

May 24, 2020

My morning began with a mass offered for my engagement in the privacy of a home due to quarantine. This was truly touching, and I will never forget this touching moment. The rest of my consisted of watching a golf charity match, and I'm not going to lie, it was a bit intriguing. The only person to ever get me to do that just so happens to be the man I love. We even watched the BIG 10 championship game from 2016 because Penn State won that year. It was truly an amazing day. Until tomorrow ...

May 25, 2020

I have a phone screen or what most would deem a first round interview tomorrow morning. I remember how stressful it was last year when I was looking for jobs and preparing for interviews. This year is no different in stresses, but oddly enough, I'm not as nervous. I'm just trying to trust in His plan. After much research into the school and their mission, I feel connected already. This may be an overzealous thought, but I am not sure how to quell excitement. I know I should expect the worst. Just an interview is an honor. I just need to trust and be as authentically me as I can. I know my mission, I know my goals, I know my vocation. Until tomorrow ...

May 26, 2020

I survived my first phone screen. Of course I thought it did not go as planned, but those in my life keep telling me that I did great. And who knows, maybe I did. Even if I do not move to the second round of interviews, I still stood out enough to get an initial screening. That counts for something, right? I was authentically me, and that's all that matters. Now all I have to do is wait. Until tomorrow ...

May 27, 2020

Sitting out in the sun reading a novel felt so relaxing. I honestly never thought my first year teaching would come to a close, but as the last few late assignments trickle in and I finalize grades and paperwork, I couldn't feel more accomplished about this past year. It was a struggle for sure, but if life wasn't hard at times, how would we ever better ourselves or appreciate what it has to offer? Until tomorrow ...

May 28, 2020

What do you do when you're not sure how to be of assistance? This has been something I've struggled with today. I love Mr. Know-it-All more than anything in this world, beyond measure. However, I'm not entirely sure how to help him through his hurdles at work. I don't know enough about what he does or the work environment to give advice he'll heed, and yet, I'll still be here, trying to assist in any way I possibly can. It's what prompted an impromptu drive to his house today for a few minutes of pep talk and hugs. It's what consistently had me praying that work gets better or that God will give him a sign that everything is going to be okay. I'll be here, always. Until tomorrow ...

May 29, 2020

Now that the school year is officially over, I find myself finishing out my curriculum mapping with more than a little resistance. However, I did sit down today to input information; so, I guess that is a plus. But, what I've been waiting for is time with my love. Tonight we did the things we love to do - go for walks, eat dinner with my parents, and snuggle up while watching Marvel movies. What more could a girl ask for? Until tomorrow ...

May 30, 2020

Today we visited a potential reception location for our wedding, and to say we are thrilled with the place is an understatement. The rustic feel of the lakeside venue gave me such a chic template for a Christmas wedding. It was so thrilling to tour the grounds with Mr. Know-it-All and play our day together. I'm so excited to continue planning and to take these next steps with the other half of my soul. To top off a pretty great day, we also worked out together, and he is the perfect spot for every bench press. Until tomorrow ...

May 31, 2020

While Sundays do not carry such a heavy weight for me anymore, they do still carry a weight for my love. When you dread work because of stress or workload it becomes more cumbersome to get up for what becomes more of a 12 hour day than a 9 to 5. Now that I feel more or less relieved with my professional realm in a sense, I find myself a bit guilty to revel in that fact. All I want to do is help. I just want to be the rock he was for me for 180 long days, yes I'm including quarantine because he makes my every day so much brighter. To have the connection I have with him, like 2 souls tethered together, is something I've always dreamed about but never thought possible. I never thought I'd find someone who would encourage my pipedream to become an author. I'm so excited to be his constant as he pushes me to do more. Until tomorrow ...

June 1, 2020

Today my little brother graduated from high school. I was skeptical at the measures our hometown high school would go to considering all of the attention they've garnered with furloughs and cuts. However, even in quarantine with no real authentic option to commemorate graduates, the city still pulled through. I was so impressed with how.much of the city came out to cheer on the cars filled with accomplished graduates as they paraded through town once receiving a diploma. I'll never forget it. Until tomorrow ...

June 2, 2020

Mr. Know-it-All and I constructed a unique outline for a book documenting my first year teaching and how that ball of stresses intermixed with our love story. Today, I began writing that novel, and I sobbed. I couldn't even get through the prelude to the whole tale without being flooded with emotions I've honestly blocked out. I think the reason why I've been a bit timid with writing this year is because I was so afraid to confront the hardships. I'm also afraid no one will care to read it. I guess we'll see. Until tomorrow ...

June 3, 2020

I find myself watching more murder mysteries these days. Something about the suspense and thrill beckons me in, and now I have a bit more time to binge. While that was my morning, I did manage to also run an errand, curriculum map, work out, and clean and wash my car. It was a tedious yet necessary task, but I managed. Now I can map a little more and relax.for the rest of the evening before I prep some more for my last Ohio excursion Friday. At least my love is trekking out there with me, and we get to leave together for the second and final time. Until tomorrow ...

June 4, 2020

I felt yet another sense of bittersweetness as I wrote out cards for each of my coworkers from the past year. Due to quarantine, I have not seen them in person in months, and it feels a bit wrong to not have one last gathering as faculty. However, I am glad to be closing out a chapter to move onto the next. The greatest aspect about teaching lies in each memory made and all of those moments that fill the highlight reel of the year. I truly cannot believe I survived the year relatively unscathed. I guess this is to the next chapter. Until tomorrow ...

June 5, 2020

I officially moved out of my classroom today. This effort marks the closing of the final chapter of my time at CCHS. As Mr. Know-it-All and I packed totes and crates with my belongings from room 207, I was struck by the many memories I made this year. What I did not expect was to hear from coworkers the kid's thoughts on my departure. I was deeply touched by news that I will be missed by some of the students I could never read during the year. It was great to say goodbye and to commemorate what will arguably be the most fruitful year of my life and the stepping stone for whatever I tackle next. Until tomorrow ...

June 6, 2020

Today we booked our reception venue. I'm not quite sure how to describe the levels of excitement I felt this afternoon as we claimed our dates for next December. I never quite realized how much went into a wedding, and while the prices of certain entities may scare me a bit, I know that Mr. Know-it-All and I will find a way to make our wedding the most beautiful reflection of our love for each other. He makes me so unbelievably whole, and I could not fathom spending my life without him. Until tomorrow ...

June 7, 2020

Sundays for me have not been this peaceful in such a long time. To be able to relatively relax without the ominous cloud hanging over my head is such a joy. We can bake and lift weights and go for walks and watch docu-series with little to no unease ... for me. Mr. Know-it-All is still treading waters lightly, waiting and praying for a time when work will be less painful, and I will be here for him every step of the way. Until tomorrow ...

June 8, 2020

As the bulk of my summer begins, I find myself struggling to generate a routine - something I can rely on each day that is a well-rounded approach to a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. Today was an indicator of what I could establish for myself, and I'm glad I portioned out my day in this manner. This will set me up for an even better balanced tomorrow. Something, however, that is still a bit unsettling is not hearing back from a phone screen or any other job opportunity, for that matter. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Until tomorrow ...

June 9, 2020

While today was productive, I still feel such a sense of unease about a job for the next school year. I have not heard anything back from the previous phone screen, and I'm getting antsy. It's always such a balance between interest and inquiry and pushy when reaching out for news or information. I'm nervous, and I pray everyday that the hard work I've done this year speaks to someone. Until tomorrow ...

June 10, 2020

This morning I wrote and I cried nestled in a parking spot waiting for my mother to exit her early morning appointment. Stepping into the past and embarking on a writing adventure I'd never imagined taking had consumed the better part of my week. I get spurts of inspiration and flesh out a new section or outline a chapter. Documenting the best and worst year of your life is rewarding yet difficult because it stirs up memories I've blocked out and forgotten and brings to light memories I hope to never forget. It's a beautiful sight when you genuinely love what you're doing, and writing is that solace, that niche I'd always hoped I'd find. Now that I'm jobless and painstakingly waiting for news, I have time to sit for 2 hours and write each day before needing a moment to refresh the word vomit. I'm truly happy with the work I'm writing, now I only hope someone someday reads it. Until tomorrow ...

June 11, 2020 

Once again, I'm revealing more in my writing as the days tick by without any news about a job. It's quite disheartening. Maybe tomorrow is the day I look for jobs elsewhere. Until tomorrow ...

June 12, 2020

Today, I got to go on a little trip. With the parameters of quarantine feigning from reaching the normal we all remember, it feels good to be leaving home, even if it is just for a weekend. Really, any trip with my love is worth it. Spending relatively uninterrupted time with him makes my day so much better. I love it. Until tomorrow ...

June 13, 2020

I love hiking. However, I have not been in quite a while, and I'm a bit out of shape. Therefore, hiking up Mt. Nittany was a feat, nonetheless. Going up a steep incline squishing my crooked ankles between jagged rocks almost made me quit. But, after many breather breaks, we made it to an overlook and traversed our way back down. It definitely worked out my underworld body, and it strained Mr. Know-it-All's knee, and yet, it was one of my favorite parts of the weekend. We had many laughs, I had a few shots taken at me by my future Mrs. Mother-in-Law, and we made many memories. Until tomorrow ...

June 14, 2020

Now, the prep work begins. I received a call Friday early afternoon as I sat down to start the job hunt again for an interview this Thursday. God truly does have a plan and a peculiar way of picking you up when you're feeling down. I have to prepare a lesson and conduct some research, but I'm ready to take this next step. Until tomorrow ...

June 15, 2020

Have you ever just felt so defeated with yourself because of the way you look? I have. In the past, I struggled with weight so much, and then one year, things just changed. I didn't really have to work for it - I imagine it had to do with a change in medications, but I felt proud to go from a 16 to a 6. Now, I feel a similar sense of despair. I let my weight get away from me a bit this year, and quarantine only escalated an issue I probably could have stopped from the beginning. However, I made excuses. I don't have time. I'm too busy. If I eat better, I won't have to work out. And now I'm unhappy with my appearance once again; so, today begins a more hardcore change. Until tomorrow ...

June 16, 2020

I feel so much better today - better than I have in a while. Although I am suffering every girls once a month nightmare, I took my health and well-being into consideration. It feels great. I also organized all of my materials for my interview on Thursday, and even though I feel a bit nervous, I'm ready to get back into a classroom setting. My neuroses took over and all the files are ready. Now all I have to do is believe I can do it and with confidence blow this interview out of the water. Until tomorrow ...

June 17, 2020

I feel defeated. When you don't hear good news about a job opportunity, it deflates your confidence and makes you question whether or not any job will hire you. While I realize this is a bit of a reach because one rejection doesn't quantify your entire being as an educator, it still feels like a blow. With an interview tomorrow, I feel a bit nervous about going and trying to present myself with confidence, I know I have to overcome and trust in His plan for me, whatever that may be. Until tomorrow ...

June 18, 2020

I interviewed today. All last night and even this morning, I wasn't nervous. I was fine. I felt confident. Then, I got in the car to drive the hour and fifteen minutes, and the nervousness settled into my chest, not my stomach. I could feel the anxiety washing over me. Then I arrived and entered the building, my nerves leaving me once again ... until I heard the interviewer before me laughing it up with the panel. That immediately made me feel as if my lesson would be inadequate. I'd be lying if I said that didn't affect me, but I did my best to walk in with confidence. When I started teaching my lesson, it appeared as if they were slightly uninterested. I could have been making it up, but I began to feel like my lesson was tanking. I thought I could make it up in the interview portion, but I'm not so sure. I guess we'll see tomorrow. Regardless, the job search begins again. Until tomorrow ...

June 19, 2020

I received a call today about a second round interview. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when receiving that call. I had completely assumed that I had done horribly. Now, I can refresh, prep, and try to knock it out of the park. Until tomorrow ...

June 20, 2020

I felt awkward about going in with Mr. Know-it-All to pick the diamond for my engagement ring. I trust him completely, and if it weren't for quarantine, I would not have been there anyway. Alas, I went in, and I am amazed at how much he knows me. The ring is beautifully etched with floral embossing and the diamond is impeccable. It just reminds me how much I love him. I cannot wait to marry this man. Until tomorrow ...

June 21, 2020

I finally went back to in-person mass today. It felt so good to be back in my childhood parish sitting with my mom. I felt a rekindling that has been quite distant since March. Father's Day began right. We gave gifts to our parents, we went grocery shopping, we made miniature cheesecakes, and we sat on the deck together before partying until next week. I love my life. Until tomorrow ...

June 22, 2020

I forgot how much I love literature. When you're in the throes of an academic year, pleasure reading goes out the window. Now that it is interviewing season and I have to prepare lessons to teach, I found myself reading a play so that I can craft an introductory lesson for the play. It was a pleasure to read the entire play and brainstorm ways to teach "A Dream Deferred" in 30 minutes. I cannot wait. Until tomorrow ...

June 23, 2020

I planned my 30 minute lesson about "A Dream Deferred." After researching other modes of teaching the poem, I came up with my own spin on using this poem as an introductory unit for A Raisin in the Sun. What I ultimately realized today was how much I want this job. I was so afraid of saying I wanted it because I'm terrified of jinxing this chance. But, I know that I'll be more passionate in my creativity and delivery if I am real with myself about wanting a job this year. Until tomorrow ...

June 24, 2020

I finalized the details of my lesson today. I feel confident and ready for this second interview. All I know is that I have to trust in his guidance and the support of those in my life. That is what is going to vet me through. Deep breaths, mentally checking items off an imaginary list, and taking every moment as it comes are the only things keeping me going. Until tomorrow ...

June 25, 2020

I woke up this morning feeling confident. Even as I sat and savored my coffee, I felt ready to take on my second round interview. Even when I arrived at the school district, there was not a sign of a butterfly, just the painful urge to pee. It felt so wonderful to teach again in an actual classroom. I moved through the interview and scenario section with the sense that I was going to be okay. What is most odd, however, is that I also heard from two other places about interviews or job opportunities. Odd, right? I even scheduled the church for our wedding next December. It was a great day. Until tomorrow ...

June 26, 2020

I received some encouraging news today about a job. While I did revel in a bout of excitement, I find myself holding back slightly so as to not jinx it before I know officially. All I can do is let Him take it into His hands. Until tomorrow ...

June 27, 2020

I love Saturdays for the sheer fact that I cam lounge uninterrupted with my coffee in the morning. I know I have my entire summer off, but getting the chance to relax without a morning walk is a good reprieve. I also love that I get to spend much needed time with my love. Today I watched him neurotically pack for Sanibel, and then we launched by the pool before I headed to mass. What a lovely day. Until tomorrow ...

June 28, 2020

Today we had a graduation party for my little brother. Time always appears like this moving calculation outside of reality, and yet, every so many years I find myself caught in a moment, realizing that the world is so different now. That's probably what shocks me the most. However, it was enjoyable to sit with family and friends and enjoy the summer sun. Until tomorrow ...

June 29, 2020

I was offered a position at Halifax High School. During my last interview, I just felt this ease and confidence - being able to do what I love at the helm of a classroom. Even hearing from a coworker about the principal's interest left me with a bit of leariness. Even now after accepting, I still wait for a shoe to drop. I think I'll be that way until July 14 when the board approves the position. I cannot wait to take this next step in my career. I'm so excited for the future. Until tomorrow ...

June 30, 2020

Tonight is the night before our drive to Sanibel. I'm so excited to spend 12 uninterrupted days with my love. All year we have talked up this trip. While the pandemic is still in full swing, we are grateful to have an opportunity to go to the beach. Until tomorrow ...

July 1, 2020

Today we left for the beach! I suffered a little car sickness, but that was soon made up for with a little shopping. I bought some workout clothes and new items for the school year. How could I pass up the chance for cute dresses and cardigans? Until tomorrow ...

July 2, 2020

Well, today was mighty interesting. This was the longest day in the car, and the 2 dramamine I popped before take off knocked me out. I pretty much slept until we reached the hotel, and once we arrived, we learned that it had been shut down 2 hours prior because an employee's family member might have Covid-19. We then shopped some more - I bought shoes - until we were a half an hour from the final destination. Oh how great the bed felt. Until tomorrow ...

July 3, 2020

The day began with a wonderful breakfast at a restaurant I'm sure Mr. Know-it-All and I will frequent in the future. We then shopped again, made a pit stop at the grocery store, lugged each item from the car to the room, and settled in ... finally. Even sitting on the beach for a brief time today felt like we had reached the finish line after a year-long journey with many trials and tribulations. I saw many bun-bun and lizards. I'm happy. Until tomorrow ...

July 4, 2020

It seems odd that when smaller holidays roll around, I often forget their stake in the world. This year is most odd because we are still amidst a pandemic. Even as I sit with my love and his parents on vacation in Sanibel, I cannot fathom how strange of a year 2020 has been and how charged Independence Day has become. Hopefully in the coming years the aversion to American ways and ideals subsides, and peace can fall among mankind. Until tomorrow ...

July 5, 2020

Sitting on the beach today and finishing my second play of the week reminded me of how much I love to read. I haven't read this much for pleasure in years, and I'm glad I can find the peace of mind to do it. However, I haven't written in a while. Maybe I should try to find more time for that. Once the school year starts, I'll have even less time to myself than usual. Until tomorrow ...

July 6, 2020

Rainy days at the beach are never optimal, but they do allow for time to peruse the shops for intriguing merchandise. After driving through a wildlife refuge and looking at many species of birds- particularly a roseate spoonbill - we walked around a shell museum. Looking at the different types of mollusks and shells was interesting, but not as interesting for me - it's more my mom's speed. However, it was still an interesting adventure, followed by nothing better than good food and shopping. One purchase I'm excited about is a metal coffee sign. Hopefully it will inspire more blogs. Until tomorrow ...

July 7, 2020

I'm not a morning person. Each day I wish to spend many a moment stretching and building up enough energy to muster my lazy bones out of cozy sheets. And each day I do, although now that I'm on vacation, it's taking a bit longer each day. Today, we went to the Island Cow, where Mr. Know-it-All and I bought matching t-shirts. Then we spent a decent portion of the day on the beach where I burned to a crisp. Then the day came to a halting end when I threw a bit of a tantrum while playing pickleball. I blame PMS. Until tomorrow ...

July 8, 2020

Today I found myself getting more and more excited for this new school year. Even though the circumstances are vastly different than last, I feel more prepared. Sitting on the beach thinking about the future made me realize how lucky I am. Until tomorrow ...

June 9, 2020

The last day at the beach is always bittersweet. While I'm sad to leave, I'm excited to start planning for the school year ... and to get rid of all of these bug bites. But, what I'll miss the most is uninterrupted time with my love. It's good practice for the future. Until tomorrow ...

July 10, 2020

Long car rides never sit well with me ... literally. I always get car sick, but now of course I had cramps to couple the nausea. I popped some Tylenol and tried to sleep for a majority of the ride. A good reprieve was shopping once again. I'm going to have to get used to this. One stressful adventurous aspect was finding out that Mr. Know-it-All's dad left a credit card in Florida. Oh, happy day. Hopefully tomorrow is a bit smoother of a ride. Until tomorrow. 

July 11, 2020

I'm home! While today was a long haul, I am so glad to be home. I got to see my parents and cuddle my pets and unpack. Now, I'm relaxing in a bubble bath before I sleep again in my own bed. I do, however, miss my love so dearly. I cannot wait until December 28, 2021. Until tomorrow ...

July 12, 2020

It felt good to be in my own home this morning. Vacations are so wonderful while they're happening, but then as soon as the drive home begins, I'm ready to get back to my routine. I'm excited to start my planning tomorrow, as well as get a much needed haircut. I'm looking forward to this next step in my life exploring opportunities with my love. Until tomorrow ...

July 13, 2020

Since May, I haven't really sat down at my computer to plan my curriculum. Today, I began tackling that feat, and it felt good. I really am excited to start this journey and further establish myself as an educator. I also got my hair cut today for the first time since last fall. A new year, new me, I guess. Until tomorrow ...

July 14, 2020

My days are filled with a mix of planning and other various activities. Today, I continued taking notes for my film classes and researched some book options for my 12th grade class. This is the exciting part I was looking forward to ... planning. I get to sign paperwork tomorrow and make this official. I'm very grateful. Until tomorrow ...

July 15, 2020

I am officially a teacher at Halifax! Today I signed all of the paperwork, received my ID and keys, and walked through my classroom. Everyone was so welcoming, and it really felt like this is going to be the start of my career. I would not have gotten to this place without my love and his support. I cannot wait for this next journey and our life together. Until tomorrow ...

July 16, 2020

I am starting to feel the pressure of needing to work on materials for the year. With training and other materials beginning to pile up, I need to be more focused. I'm also feeling a bit inspired in terms of making my blog a bit more marketable. We shall see. But most importantly, I'm glad my love had a good day. It makes me so happy. Until tomorrow ...

July 17, 2020

When Fridays come along, I'm always excited to see my love. Today, I had to go through various training sessions before I could see his beautiful face. After sleeping in way longer than usual, I bought a ton of clothes for teaching, then my mom and I went to the store. This adventure was followed by over 4 hours of training and making two key lime pies and whipped cream from scratch. Then my love arrived, and while I was irritable at first, I managed to calm down, which allowed us to watch ghosties. Until tomorrow ...

July 18, 2020

I haven't had as much fun swimming like I had today in a very long time. There is just something about goofing around with the one you love. I cherish these days. Until tomorrow ...

July 19, 2020

I am starting to rekindle my relationship with the Sunday Scaries. Tomorrow I have an all-day training, and it is quite reminiscent of what a typical school day spans. What I am realizing is that I need to really hone in my planning this week. It's time to get productive. I just hope that Mr. Know-it-All and I have good weeks. Until tomorrow ...

July 20, 2020

I haven't woken up at 5:15 a.m. in a long time - since March, to be exact. And, this was the first structured day I've had in awhile. While I was on information overload mode for the majority of the day during Canvas training, I am slowly gaining more confidence in creating materials in an online forum. Hopefully, I can structure my classes a bit better this week as we get closer to the first day of school, whatever that may look like. Until tomorrow ...

July 21, 2020

Planning day 1 has been an interesting adventure. Teaching myself how to navigate Canvas, my school's LMS, is a feat in and of itself, but when you add formatting materials to fit modules ... that's an entirely different story. All I accomplished in the 5 hours and 20 minutes I logged into my school accounts was making syllabi for my 6 courses and uploaded those into Canvas. It feels like I didn't accomplish much, but alas. I also did more research for my film class, and the harrowing cloud of not knowing when we are going remote because it is an inevitability is making my planning a thousand times harder. I might have come to a conclusion, but we shall see. Until tomorrow ...

July 22, 2020

Planning day 2 ensues with less rage than day 1, and yet I spent my entire day working on film. I scoured streaming outlets for options and created an in-depth spreadsheet only to come to the same conclusion: Prime for the win. I even found multiple substitutes that are free for each category. I'd call that a win. What I began next entailed outlining a short story curriculum, which I will continue tomorrow. I also managed to have a thorough discussion with my mother about buying a house. I'm excited for the future. Until tomorrow ...

July 23, 2020

I didn't know today was Thursday. The weeks are definitely flying by, and I still have so much planning to do. While I am making my way through the curriculum, I have to set up the units on Canvas. It is quite the process, and I hope I can hone in on a lot in the next few weeks. Until tomorrow ...

July 24, 2020

Yet another day of planning leaves me feeling a bit more accomplished with my yearly to-do. However, there is still a long way to go, considering it took me 4 hours to create a Google Slides. It was nice, though, to finally see my love again. Oh, how I missed him. Until tomorrow ...

July 25, 2020

Today, Mr. Know-it-All and I moved items into my classroom. The odd thing about this year is that there are still so many unknowns. However, this fact does not entirely quell my excitement about teaching! After lugging totes and furniture, we ate lunch at what I think will be a new favorite, perused Barnes & Noble, visited a bakery (also a favorite), and topped the excursion off with a trip to the farmers market. The most exciting part of the day was doing all of these things with the man I love. Until tomorrow ...

July 26, 2020

Today was a bit of a rollercoaster. Being in a committed relationship has made me realize how much I need to take other's feelings into consideration. It is something I will continue to work on. What I also didn't expect was to convince Mr. Know-it-All's parents to let us keep a dog there. What a ride. Until tomorrow ...

July 27, 2020

It is the night before we leave for the beach. Of course the typical excitement trickles in, but this year the pandemic leaves more to be discerned about the unknown. While I'm sure we'll make the most of our time, it is bound to be an interesting trip regardless. Until tomorrow ...

July 28, 2020

Attempting to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed is never a feat I can conquer. I can't quite nail the semantics, but alas, I guess I'll always try. Regardless, I am far from a morning person. Not even Mr. Know-it-All can make me chipper without oodles of stretches and coffee. I guess the plan, though, is to make it to Tennessee before stopping for some shut eye. Let the adventure begin. Until tomorrow ...

July 29, 2020

Yet another day of driving stands between us and the warm sand. When we finally arrive in Pensacola, we discover that we are without a stove top for cooking and that there is the Alabama Conference for Realtors happening for this first weekend at the beach. What a gift to be around rowdy southerners blasting a conglomeration of music ranging from Billy Joel to Drake. Drunks were running amuck, and I was not a fan. Until tomorrow ...

July 30, 2020

I forgot I had virtual training this morning. And subsequently, I forgot that we were now an hour behind. After finally figuring out how to get to the virtual training, I sat for an hour and learned close to nothing. The only helpful tool was the integrated lesson plan structure, which will be a perfect design for my courses. Until tomorrow ...

July 31, 2020

Today the realtors were at their worst. Loud drinking and boastful corn hole interrupted my serene reading of Catcher in the Rye, a novel assigned to my honors 10th grade and one I've never cared to get into. The great thing about being an educator is that it forces me out of my own comfort zone and literature repertoire, making me a more well rounded teacher. Until tomorrow ...

August 1, 2020

I cannot believe it is August. In 2 weeks I have my first service day. I am a bit nervous, but I know this year will make me a better teacher in the long run. My excitement is endless, and my yearn for returning to the classroom is immense. The beach was a bit more tame today. And we rounded out the night with a bookstore, church, and a trip to Crabs - a decent restaurant down on the beach. Until tomorrow ...

August 2, 2020

The morning didn't necessarily begin on the right foot. I accomplished an hour of planning, but when time came to get ready for the beach, I was interrupted. I shouldn't have freaked out, but alas, I did. I just wanted peace in the restroom. I need to be better about my attitude, which by the looks of it, may never change. I find myself in the same situations. Maybe one day. Until tomorrow ...

August 3, 2020

The beginning of the school year is starting to weigh so heavily on my mind. I need to acclimate myself to the ever-changing tides. If I don't, I will.stress myself out to the point of no return. I need to relax and enjoy the ride. Until tomorrow ...

August 4, 2020

All this week, I've been reading the novels I plan to teach my students this year. What I'm discovering is how much I've missed by never reading these novels before. Each a gem necessary to put forth back into the world. Until tomorrow ...

August 5, 2020

As my days on the beach dwindle, I'm reminded of how close the school year is. I feel simultaneously ready, yet so far behind. I think that is how I'll always feel as an educator. I can tell the weight of routine and work grind is catching up to Mr. Know-it-All. I hope he can find peace in his daily life even when work becomes the thing you despise. Until tomorrow ...

August 6, 2020

With only one day left in the sand, I find myself reading the last novel I plan to teach. What I did not expect was for this piece to be so moving. Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds is so beautifully etched and developed over the course of a few minutes in an elevator. I had chills reading the entirety of the verse, especially when reading the rhetorical end. I'm excited to teach this one to my 12th graders. Until tomorrow ...

August 7, 2020

The last day in the sand has finally arrived. While I'm ready to go home, I'm not convinced that the school year begins in two weeks. I guess it's back to reality. Until tomorrow ...

August 8, 2020

Long drives in the car are my least favorite venture. I guess that's why I am always sleeping the unappealing hours away until I can feel solid ground once again. Until tomorrow ...

August 9, 2020

We are home! It felt so good to unpack and see my cats and pups. It feels right and normal. Also, Mr. Know-it-All is in the process of adopting our first dog together, Fred. What could be better? Until tomorrow ...

August 10, 2020

Today was the most structured day I've had in awhile. I went into work, had meetings, organized more of my classroom, created materials, signed paperwork, and drove by a potential house option. Also, I met Fred, the dog Mr. Know-it-All and I hope to adopt. What a day! Until tomorrow ...

August 11, 2020

These days I'm trying to be as productive as possible. I run errands if I have to, I plan curriculum, and I'm starting to get back into exercising. My goal this school year is to round out my time. I wasn't really able to last year, and I want to progress differently as I attempt to juggle more tasks. Mr. Know-it-All and I also met with a caterer; so, hopefully we can figure out that major expense. Plus, it's just always nice to see my love during the work week. Until tomorrow ...

August 12, 2020

Today I went for a brisk walk at 7:20 this morning. It felt wonderful to just clear my head in the morning. I'm actually excited to do it again tomorrow before my coffee. I also ran a bunch of errands with my mom, which is always a nice excursion. Then I continued planning the film curriculum, and had a nice chat with one of my close friends. It was a productive day! Until tomorrow ...

August 13, 2020

Getting back into a specific routine is probably one of the hardest tasks. It takes more energy than you originally put in, a drive you maybe don't have right now, and a determination to make a difference. As I set goals for myself for this next year, I'm taking all of these motivating factors into consideration. I want my life to be more balanced, and the only way I'm going to get there is by making it happen everyday. Today was the beginning. Until tomorrow ...

August 14, 2020

Having a dog with someone when you don't live together is tricky. However, having Fred with Mr. Know-it-All is easy. When I get the chance to spend the night with my love and take Fred zooming through the yard, to get a glimpse of my future. It's a future I can't wait to fall into. Until tomorrow ...

August 15, 2020

We finally received the forever ring! It is beautiful, and while I didn't need anything elaborate and large and in charge, I am super impressed with the ring Mr. Know-it-All picked out. It's entirely me. I love him beyond measure. Until tomorrow ...

August 16, 2020

I have Sunday scaries. I haven't had them on so long, but here they are to remind me that reality is really about to settle in. However, this year, I have so much more comfort going into the school year. I'm home, and that's all that matters. Until tomorrow ...

August 17, 2020

Service days have never really scared me, until today. I think that we are underestimating this year. After chatting with my mentor today, I personally felt better about my setup and content. Here's to hoping I can adapt on the fly, reflect an ease of transition in instructional environments, and happily do what I love. Until tomorrow ...

August 18, 2020

Today was yet another productive day. Somehow I get more accomplished when I have less time. I don't know how, but it's a skill or a gift. I'm actually excited to start this year! Until tomorrow ...

August 19, 2020

Every day I feel like I have less answers than the day before. I have come to terms with the fact that my whole year is going to be this way. I also had many mishaps like slicing my finger open twice, spilling my pasta all over my lap, messing up my videos, and almost hitting a deer. What a day. At least Mr. Fred had a great vet visit. Until tomorrow ...

August 20, 2020

Overwhelmed is an understatement. Outraged is an overstatement. Frustrated is the word. I had myself so worked up today that my migraine affected my vision. I left after my last Teams meeting only to come home and distract myself with mindless YouTube. I need to get through Day 1 to know that everything is going to be okay. Then maybe my eye will stop twitching. Until tomorrow ...

August 21, 2020

Mr. Know-it-All and I went to view a potential house. The word potential was immediately removed from that statement when we stepped foot on the property. It was like a bad first date. But, we did realize how exciting this adventure is to take together, and for that, I'm grateful. Until tomorrow ...

August 22, 2020

I began my morning by getting breakfast with a friend. Boy, did I need that. Hearing just how stressed she is about this year makes me feel better about my stress levels. I also managed to get a decent chunk of work done. I feel accomplished. Until tomorrow ...

August 23, 2020

I only have one more day before my year gets 100 times crazier. I go back and forth with levels of stress, but my overall impression is excitement. The underlying tone wavelength of any new situation is nervous, but as I sat tonight doing work for about 3 hours, I realized that I'm as prepared as I am going to get and I can only take each day as it comes. This is such a hard concept for me to grasp being Type A, but it is an extended effort throughout my life. Seeing my love today - each of us with a case of the Sunday scaries - made me realize how ready I am to get this year started. The sooner we get moving, the sooner I get to marry the other half of my soul. Until tomorrow ...

August 24, 2020

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I feel like I can't be any more ready for a first week that is full of trials as it is, and yet I also feel unprepared. What I really need is to get through the hardest leap, which is in fact the first few weeks. I'm equal parts scared and excited, but at least I know I'll be doing what I love. That counts for something, right? This is such a stark difference from this time last year because I have the advantage of being able to come home. The only disadvantage is the drive, and I'm hoping my body will eventually adjust to earlier rises and even earlier bedtimes. Here's to the 2020/2021 school year. Until tomorrow ...

August 25, 2020

Well, today was interesting. I can't even say that I'm shocked, and of course I feel as if it went horribly. But, I guess I'll keep going tomorrow. I'll tackle day 2, and we'll move on - whatever that may look like. I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. It was only day 1. I did, however, receive a bouquet of flowers after a long day. How did I get so lucky? Until tomorrow ...

August 26, 2020

Today went better. Let's hope and pray tomorrow doesn't break me. Until tomorrow ...

August 27, 2020

I never really know how to feel after a day of work. Today wasn't bad nor was it really good. For some reason I feel completely inadequate at what I do. I couldn't tell you why, but if I had to guess, I would say that being the newbie sucks. Some students are like piranhas waiting to rip you to shreds while others sit quietly without a word. I just need a sign that everything will eventually work itself out. Until tomorrow ...

August 28, 2020

Thank God it's Friday. I needed an end to the week. While I did feel a sense of reprieve this morning that I made, I do still have worries about the rest of the year. The only thing getting me through each and every day is Mr. Know-it-All. Until tomorrow ...

August 29, 2020

Last night, Mr. Know-it-All and I had a date night for the first time in a long time. Covid really put a damper on what we could do this summer, but going out to see a musical, even if it wasn't the greatest, was still something that made me realize how much I love this man. He brightened my week, which was a little dark at times, and that's all I can ask for. Until tomorrow. Until tomorrow ...

August 30, 2020

Sunday nights suck. They were scary for me before, but now that I am traveling to work every day, I dread it just a bit more. Plus, I'm just not settled into my classes yet. I still feel frazzled and like I have no control. Maybe that will change. Until tomorrow ...

August 31, 2020

Today did not go as I planned. I should be prepared for the unexpected, and yet that conundrum will always remain a contradiction to me. I need to somehow get control over my 12th grade class. I cannot let them continue to try to run my classroom. I hope I can make that happen this week. I am also so thankful for my love for being patient with me as I navigate this new venture. Until tomorrow ...

September 1, 2020

Thank God this week is a 4-day week, because if it wasn't, I'm not sure what I would do. I need a break from mouthy students with an attitude because they'd rather be at home, a packed schedule with no answers, and stress beyond belief. Thank goodness for Mr. Know-it-All and Fred. Until tomorrow ...

September 2, 2020

The day to day surprises me. Some days are great. Others are just okay. And then there are the days that suck the life out of you. Today falls really close to great. Now, I don't want to jinx tomorrow, but I need more days like today. I even came home and didn't sit down at my computer. I turned my brain off after work and relaxed. What helps is that tomorrow is my Friday. Oh, how I cannot wait. Until tomorrow ...

September 3, 2020

I made it through another day. I always feel as if my days alternate between good and bad, and today was no exception. It wasn't the greatest. I could tell that most of my classes were just ready for the extended weekend for Labor Day. But I did it. I came home, listened in on a union meeting while baking a cake, and now I'm relaxing before dozing off. Hopefully, I can be as productive as possible this weekend. Until tomorrow ...

September 4, 2020

Having a day off feels glorious. I managed to run some errands and plan a decent amount of material, all while sitting in the company of my love. We even topped off the night with a “date night,” and it was reminiscent of our earlier dating days. I need this. Until tomorrow …

September 5, 2020

This Saturday was filled with even more errands. I had high expectations - oil change, AT&T, and then planning while Mr. Know-it-All watched the minimal college football games this year. Needless to say, I didn’t get to any planning. I feel inadequate as a teacher this year already, and missing a day of planning makes me feel even less prepared. Hopefully, I can stay focused for the next few days of this extended weekend. I need to just take a breath and take it one day at a time. Spending the afternoon and night with Mr. Know-it-All and Mr. Fred made me feel a lot better. Until tomorrow …

September 6, 2020

I’m not ready for tomorrow to be my last day off. I need more time. But alas, I will not get it. I need to just be okay with where I’m at and what I’m doing. I am only one person with only so much time. People are just going to have to understand that. It also didn’t help that this weekend was full of instances. Long waits at various institutions and my car getting hit. Granted it’s not bad, but it’s another errand I’ll have to run in the next month. Is anything else going to plague me in 2020, because I’d kind of like to know now. The only thing that gets me through is weekends with my love. Until tomorrow …

September 7, 2020

Monday became a Sunday, and I feel myself plagued by the Sunday Scaries. I know that I shouldn’t be taking this whole teaching thing personally, but that's just who I am. Every part of my job that feels like it goes horrible also feels like a personal attack against. It makes me feel like less of a person, an educator, a human just trying to navigate these uncertain times. I’m not going to lie, I had a mental breakdown today. I had a mini one last night. And I’m sure I’ll have one tonight as I dread a 3:30 wake up call. But, I’m doing it. I’m trying to take each day as it comes. I know there is a light at the end of this godforsaken tunnel. Mr. Know-it-All makes everything better. Until tomorrow …

September 8, 2020

I went into today expecting a torturous descent through work, but instead I was surprised. Maybe that’s the key: to expect he’ll and receive not hell. What really made today bearable was knowing that my love would be coming for dinner. I don’t know why it took us this long to figure out that we should see each other twice during the week, but that’s finally happening. It makes getting through the week easier knowing that a visit chunks up the despair. Until tomorrow …

September 9, 2020

Once again, I was a little shocked by how my day went. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and my ideas and plans to implode, but they haven’t yet. That’s not to say that tomorrow won’t be a nightmare, but I’m just trying to coast through the next 2 days until it’s clear skies and weekend nights. Until tomorrow …

September 10, 2020

What got me through today was knowing that I would get to spend the night with my love. Living in Ohio, I became accustomed to uninterrupted weekends watching football, cooking, and shopping adventures. Because I now commute to work, time spent together becomes less and less frequent, seeing as the amount of work in my path never wavers. Thursday nights at Mr. Know-it-All will be a staple for me this year until our wedding day. Until tomorrow …

September 11, 2020

Friday’s are bittersweet. While it is the end of an oftentimes torturous week, it is also the beginning of a short lived reprieve. I wish they lasted longer. Today also marked 19 years since the Twin Towers fell while I was only 5 at the time, I can still remember not going into afternoon kindergarten and watching the newsreels replay over and over again a tragedy that continues to rock a broken nation. In February, I visited the 9/11 museum in New York, and it was the most heartbreaking experience. I will never forget that day. Until tomorrow …

September 12, 2020

Saturday’s fly by faster than I can catch up. I have a mountain of work, and no matter how much time I spend less on planning, the mountain never becomes more manageable. I feel guilty wanting to sleep in and drink my coffee in peace knowing that the sooner I start sorting through materials, I can be done. But, can I? The work is not going to diminish; I’ll always want to change something. And to be completely honest, I’d rather just spend time with my love while I have the opportunity. Hopefully I can settle into more of a routine and leave work at my desk. Until tomorrow …

September 13, 2020

The Sunday scaries have arrived again. While I’m glad it’s now week 4, I’m a little disheartened by the fact that we are only going on day 13 out of 180. I’m doing my best to stay on top of material, but if I’m being real, all I’m able to do is stay afloat. I wish I was a little more present on my weekends with my love and my family. Once again I hope that I can find some peace in my off time. I wish I had a bit more of an uninterrupted break. Until tomorrow …

September 14, 2020

I always expect the worst on Mondays and find that little surprise later in the week. I truly hope that doesn’t happen for me this week. What I will say is that I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I have an in service next Friday, which means no children. I needed that. A shocking revelation was learning the price for a modular built home. The home hunt is also turning into quite the adventure, but we shall see what happens. I cannot wait to see my love tomorrow night. Until tomorrow …

September 15, 2020

I knew today was going to be rough at about 8 last night when my cat spilled my boiling hot tea all over me. That was the omen that would send me into a downward spiral the next morning as I rushed to leave before 5 a.m. While I tried to convince myself to never leave later than early ever again, my seemingly more rational side decided to give it another go tomorrow morning. I guess we’ll see how I fair. At least I got to see my love tonight. I needed that. Until tomorrow …

September 16, 2020

I do not do well with change, and yet somehow I let my film class convince me to move their test a day. While in the back of my mind, I was thinking of something similar, I’m glad they were vocal enough to let me know that they needed more time to go over the information. I’m just honestly glad today is over. I’m not thrilled at how fast my evenings fly by, but at least I get to see my love tomorrow night. I’m also pumped for Penn State football to start my birthday weekend. Until tomorrow …

September 17, 2020

I enjoy Thursday’s because it’s another day with my love. Except that the time we get together is cut short. We each have certain responsibilities that take away from alone time, and this is the hardest thing for me to get used to. I spend my entire week at full speed ahead, trying to make sure I’ve answered every email, set every alarm, and said every prayer for another day unscathed as I travel. I can’t seem to keep up, and time won’t slow down. It’s a bit of a conundrum. Until tomorrow …

September 18, 2020

I’m never entirely sure how I expect Friday’s to progress, but today was less excruciating and more productive. I got through some grading and organized my shells for next week’s curriculum, but there is still so much to do. And while I do my best to shut that part of my brain off on Friday nights, apparently I can’t prevent the anxieties of the week from infiltrating my attempts at relaxation. In an instant, I snap and my mood takes a dip and a downward spiral. In the next moment, I’m frustrated with Fred or Mr. Know-it-All, and I shouldn’t be. They are not the cause of my frustrations. Life is. And the hardest part of this year for me now is the level of uncertainty about the future. I miss uninterrupted time with my love. I just want time to slow down. Until tomorrow …

September 19, 2020

While yesterday was a bit of a struggle, today proved to me much better. I felt better. I was more in the present moment. Even though I wish I could be better at handling everything in my life right now, I think this was a good first step. The night ended with Fred, Mr. Know-it-All, and I snuggling on the couch - just as we should be. Until tomorrow …

September 20, 2020

The Sunday scaries are back again. While they are not as potent as weeks prior, I do still dread 4 a.m. wake ups and long drives to and from “the office.” I’m actually genuinely shocked that we have lasted this long with in-person teaching. With the way COVID was hyped up all summer, I expected early shutdowns and sweatpants teaching. While I am extremely blessed and grateful for this job, I do wish I had more time. I need more time with my love and Fred on the weekend that doesn’t feel borrowed or worth more at a lesser rate. I want uninterrupted relaxation, and quite frankly, I don’t think I’m going to get it until at least Thanksgiving. I just wish I could shut down the professional part of my world and live more in the present, sans anxiety and stress. Maybe one day. Until tomorrow …

September 21, 2020

I always expect Mondays to be terrible, and yet I faced another Monday that was quite the opposite. I’m not really sure what put me in a good mood this morning - whether that was the fact that I decorated my classroom for fall and Halloween, who’s to say. Regardless, I just felt in my game. I even decided that I did enough work during the school day that I didn't open my laptop. I took a day to chill for a few hours before dinner and dishes. It was glorious. I do hope that the rest of my week goes well because I do not want to have an anxiety attack this week. Thank goodness I get to see my love and Mr. Fred tomorrow. It is going to propel me through the day. Until tomorrow …

September 22, 2020

While today wasn’t as shockingly “good” as yesterday, it was still doable. I definitely had a few moments where I questioned my every move, but overall, I guess I’m surviving. I did get to see my love and Mr. Fred tonight, which makes everything better. I needed that. Only 2 more active teaching days to go. I can do this. Until tomorrow …

September 23, 2020

I wasn’t thrilled with today. It felt like everything was falling … like I was failing. This is a constant battle I have with myself: am I being the most effective educator I can be? If you would have asked me at 2:30, my answer would have been no. However, I mentally logged my plans for next week, and when I got home, I typed them out. Even that small task made me feel better about approaching next week. I even did a small workout, not nearly enough but something to start. I feel better. Until tomorrow …

September 24, 2020

Thank goodness today is over. I find it comical how much I can get accomplished in a day when I let stress ebb away and calm infiltrate my mind and body. A full day of work, grading, a meeting, baking a cake, exercising, and relaxing for a hot minute. What a day. Thank goodness I get to see my love tomorrow. Until tomorrow …

September 25, 2020

I needed today off. While it was a day filled with random meetings, I managed to accomplish a lot of work sans the responsibility of putting on my teaching face for 6 straight periods. It felt good to shut off the harsh LEDs and put some essential oils in the diffuser as I basked one the ambiance. I also got to spend the night with my love, which is something I crave on these tiresome week nights. Until tomorrow …

September 26, 2020

I woke up in my love’s arms, and this time around, he ended up being the bed hog. I almost fell to the floor thrice, which would have given me at least a bad bruise from almost four feet in the air. Yes, he has a tall bed. But, no matter. I survived. While I thought I accomplished a lot yesterday, I must have been mistaken because I still did about six hours of work today. I still have a few items to knock off the docket tomorrow, but I felt bad about not giving my love attention. That’s what truly sucks about this year - I never feel like I can devote time to things that are necessary. I am distracted and testy and I’m doing my best to change that. Until tomorrow …

September 27, 2020

I have Sunday scaries … a little bit. I woke up happy. I stayed productive. I cooked dinner. I worked out. While I don’t want another week, I know it means 1 day closer to longer breaks. I know it means we get closer to the weekend and a chance to see my love again. I know I need to move forward. I’m hopefully trying to be better. Until tomorrow …

September 28, 2020

When skies are grey and futures bleak,

It’s hard to find the answers you seek.

Email blasts continually litter you inbox,

As you watch the slow ticking of the clock. 

Days are endless,

A truly muddled mess. 

Where do you go when waking up feels pointless?

What am I living for? What is my purpose?

Love. 

You’re here to find yourself in someone else,

When looking inward provides only empty shelves. 

Companionship. 

Work is not your release.

In-fact that release should be deceased. 

Because all it does is taint your worth,

Your value and your pure heart. 

Forever. 

Days spent mindlessly moving through the motions,

Only leave you sad sans devotions. 

But I am eternally devoted to you,

Forever and always, I love you. 

September 29, 2020

I’m just ready for the week to be over. I want a weekend interrupted, yet I know that is far out of reach. I also just received an email that of course is sending me down the spiraling staircase into doubtland. I know it shouldn’t because I know why I teach the way I do, but it still strikes a chord. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow after I get through that class period. Who really knows. I’m just glad I was able to see my love and Mr. Fred. I needed that. Until tomorrow …

September 30, 2020

I had a very different idea of how today was going to progress at 5 a.m. than I did at 7:20 when it was game time. I adapted and did the best I could to ensure that my students knew I cared. It’s not my job to sit and watch them flail about, no matter how much I love taking a point off here or there to stick it to the man - whoever he is. It was a good day. Only two more to go. At least I get to see my love once again in less than 24 hours. Until tomorrow …

October 1, 2020

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. I love Thursdays because I get to see my love. I need that. It gets me to the weekend. Until tomorrow …

October 2, 2020

Today, everything under the sun went wrong. The internet was failing, which makes teaching in-person and remote students in tandem a perfect combination. I was distracted. Once the internet went into hibernation, I could not bring myself into focus. However, I did manage to scrap my way through the day. At least I am done for a few days, even though my weekends are chock full of work. Until tomorrow …

October 3, 2020

Waking up in the arms of my love is something I love for. It’s what I cannot wait to do for the rest of my life starting December 28, 2020. What I did not enjoy was spending almost 7 straight hours planning. I wish it were easier. I wish I could just focus on the present and be with the man I love. I hope one day soon I can reach that equilibrium. Until tomorrow …

October 4, 2020

I hate Sundays, but once again I woke up in my love’s arms. How did I get so lucky? I began my day happy, and I wasn’t too set on doing anything school related. However, I did have to spend some time editing. Then the Sunday scaries settled in, and now I’m dreading tomorrow. I wish I could skip, but unfortunately I cannot. I just need to get to Tuesday because I get to see my love again. Until tomorrow ..:

October 5, 2020

I expected today to fall apart at the seams. What I was met with was a not half bad start to my week. While I’m not itching to get back to school in the morning, I am excited to keep plugging through the year to reach mini milestones. This is a year of firsts for me. Like today, I settled further into my classroom by decorating more for Halloween and fall. It just felt like I’d found my place. Until tomorrow …

October 6, 2020

Today was just … draining. I found myself sluggishly moving through the day. Even upon arrival homeward, I did work, but it felt like a lazy attempt at productivity. I managed to ruin a perfectly decent night because one comment meant jokingly sent me over the edge. At this point, I can’t control that switch in mood. I hate it. I want a do over. Until tomorrow …

October 7, 2020

It was not a bad day, by any means. I was on my A-game all day, meaning I was up and actively teaching. I’m glad I did most of my active teaching today. Hopefully the last few days of the week will be quick to move through so that I can get to a much needed long weekend. I have a good jumpstart next week, which is why I afforded myself a lazy night. I’m trying not to feel bad about it. I miss my love. Until tomorrow …

October 8, 2020

Today was another one of those dreadful days that drag in and on. It was a tad tortuous to plow my way through material because all that was on my mind was getting the chance to see my love. I managed to get through 6 monotonous tiresome periods, and now I’m sitting on the trademark green couch, waiting for some quality time. Until tomorrow …

October 9, 2020

It’s Friday. Thank goodness. Today was more manageable, only because I have a long 3-day weekend in my wake. I need that extra day. My sanity needs a reprieve from constant grading, worrying, and stress. My hives are out of control. I’m in a mood swing every other moment. I don’t like it. What I did enjoy was baking 2 types of cookies and just taking in the fact that I don’t have to get up at 4 tomorrow morning. Sitting here now, snuggled next to my love as he sings the theme song to one of our favorites is unmatched. Until tomorrow …

October 10, 2020

I’m not as stressed about tomorrow being Sunday because I have off on Monday. However, I still felt like I didn’t do enough work. I’m not sure I’ll ever lose that feeling - of not consistently trying to be a better educator. And yet, it was such a wonderful day spent watching football and taking portrait pictures with my love and Mr. Fred. I live for these days. Until tomorrow …

October 11, 2020

Today we went shopping. I need that. It felt good to go out and about and spend a little money, to be honest. It was also nice to be out with my love. I always feel like I monopolize time, especially if I want to shop, but I could tell that he was just taking it all in. That’s why I love him. That’s why I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with him. Until tomorrow ..:

October 12, 2020

Tomorrow I have to go back to school. While I’m not thrilled and slightly dreading it, I know I need to face Tuesday so that I can get to yet another weekend. Truly, the hardest period to get through is first. After that, my caffeine has settled, my nerves have subsided, and I feel like an actual person. I just really want to see my love. I need that. Until tomorrow …

October 13, 2020

I expected today to be my Monday, and oh boy it was. I was running late, my cat spilled coffee all over my keys, it was rainy and foggy, my shawl was shedding, and I just didn’t feel like myself. Thank goodness the day is over. I got to see my love, we talked to a realtor, and I’m excited about the future. Until tomorrow …

October 14, 2020

Today was high stress. Knowing I had an observation was arguably worse than being blindsided. However, I made it through. Tomorrow is a test-giving day. Let’s hope students do well. That’s all I can hope for. I also got to see my love today, which is always a plus. Until tomorrow …

October 15, 2020

I’m so glad that tomorrow is the last day of the week. Today, I had my observation, and the entire day felt like it was moving in the convoluted warped speed slow motion. However, I made it through unscathed, and now I get to spend the evening with my love. What could be better? Until tomorrow …

October 16, 2020

I went into today thinking that it would be easy. Proctor a few tests, get massive amounts of grading accomplished. No. In fact, I put out more fires today than I have in a long time. All I wanted was to feel like I could catch a breath and be caught up. Maybe one day I’ll be that kind of super teacher. But, not today. Ending the week in the arms of my love is exactly what I need to keep me present in the short-lived weekend. Until tomorrow …

October 17, 2020

I felt productive this morning getting a class basically organized for the next week or so. I anticipated a shorter stint at my computer, and of course I worked for close to 7 hours. I hate that my weekends are consumed with my weekday reality. I wish I had more separation so that I could be more present with my love and Mr. Fred. Will life ever be simple? Until tomorrow …

October 18, 2020

I have a little bit of the Sunday scaries. Each week I feel as if my weekend work will be less and less. However, I always end up doing more. I’m not sure how. Well, I do know how. I’m an overachiever and a perfectionist, which in turn culminates the perfect storm. I just want to get through tomorrow. Monday’s are always the hardest. I’m so thankful for my love. He gets me through life, and I couldn’t be luckier. Until tomorrow …

October 19, 2020

Monday was a bit of a whirlwind. We went to a house showing, and immediately our consensus was that we wanted to make money moves. Oh, how that changed. Until tomorrow …

October 20, 2020

Stress is a word that doesn’t even have enough power to describe today. Between teaching and putting out fires, Mr. Know-it-All and I made an offer on a house and then reneged said offer all in under 24 hours. The light went out for a bit there. Until tomorrow …

October 21, 2020

After fading from yesterday’s high and ultimate low, today dragged. I had to play the big mean teacher and yell at juniors and seniors, I was bombarded with more work than I wanted, and I didn’t grade as much as I would have liked. Alas, I made it through. Two more days, and it’s a birthday celebration and PSU football. Plus, my love. What could be better? Until tomorrow …

October 22, 2020

The week is almost done. While I’m not at Matt’s tonight, I do feel as if I got an adequate amount of work done to get me through the weekend at least. Tomorrow is going to be a long day without a doubt, but at least I get to celebrate my birthday with the people I love most. Until tomorrow …

October 23, 2020

My birthday is never a day I anticipate enjoying. However, the last few years have changed my outlook on aging and moving forth in this life. I have a wonderfully caring family, and I am marrying a man who makes me happier than I’ve ever been. He’s the most caring and genuine person, but most importantly, he sees me for me. And that’s all a girl could ask for. Until tomorrow …

October 24, 2020

I worked all day. I even worked during the PSU game, and I hate that this year entails so much of my time. I feel guilty because I want to take time for myself and be more available to get back to being just us. But then I realize that we can’t go back. We have to move forward and adapt our present to fit our individual needs as well as our needs as a couple. We will figure it out because I’m in this for the long run, and I don’t ever want to have to imagine life without you. Until tomorrow …

October 25, 2020

I don’t have the Sunday scaries today. Instead, I had a wonderfully much needed day out with my love. Shopping and singing in the car make all of the crappy weeks worthwhile. I thoroughly enjoy our time together. It makes me feel whole. Ending the night in Mr. Know-it-All’s arms is even better because it is exactly where I’m meant to be. Until tomorrow …

October 26, 2020

I took a personal day today. While I was a little anxious letting my students just do their thing, I still don’t know how comfortable I am letting go. I did get a lot of work done, however, which was my intended goal. Work, relax without the stress of a hundred students who all have an issue that needs to be solved ASAP. I don’t want to get up for work tomorrow, but at least I have a 4-day week. Until tomorrow …

October 27, 2020

I did not want to face work this morning. I felt off because for me, it was a Monday. However, I got through it all - the rectifying of situations from the day prior, dealing with internet issues, and just trying to catch up on grading. Will the chaos ever end? All I know is that I’m glad I got to see Mr. Know-it-All today. I needed that. Until tomorrow …

October 28, 2020

Everything went wrong today. From internet issues to feeling like I fail at my job everyday to not having time to grade - all I wanted was for 2:30 to hit the clock and my car to hit the road. My brain never sleeps, and I guess I’ll always worry. At least I get to see my love tomorrow. Until tomorrow …

October 29, 2020

Today was a better day than I had anticipated. Everything went well; however, I’m still stressed to the max. I have so much to do and absolutely no time to do it. I’m still waiting to figure that tidbit out. Until tomorrow …

October 30, 2020

It’s Friday. Arguably, this is my favorite day of the week. However, I know that my weekends are cherished and I never feel as if there is enough time on my plate to get through all that has amassed before me. But, I’m excited because I get to spend the night in the arms of my love. Until tomorrow …

October 31, 2020

I felt productive this Halloween morning. I managed to knock out 3 classes worth of planning before even stepping foot at Mr. Know-it-All’s for another pitiful PSU performance against Ohio State. At least I wasn’t too disappointed. I did get more into the game than I ever thought possible, which I guess speaks mountains to the influence of my love over what is now an interest. Until tomorrow …

November 1, 2020

I have the Sunday scaries again. I only need to plan 1 class, yet it feels as if I cannot catch a break. I was testy and I hate when I get that way. All I want is for a break from all the madness in the arms of my love for just a little while. Until tomorrow …

November 2, 2020

I started the day on the wrong foot. I walked outside to a layer of snow, forgot my coffee, and not one printer was working in my favor this morning. However, I guess I survived. While I don’t want to get up at 4 to start my day again, I know that the closer I get to the weekend, the closer I am to much needed planning time. And, I get to see my love again tomorrow. I need that. Until tomorrow ..:

November 3, 2020

Today, I’m emotional. It felt like everything was going wrong. I felt like a failure. I even cried a little bit from overwhelming stress. I snapped at Mr. Know-it-All and Fred and my Mom because … well, I can’t really explain why. I’m a mess. But I’m grateful they still put up with me. Until tomorrow …

November 4, 2020

I cannot wait for this week to be over. Tomorrow is the last school day, and while I’m not entirely off Friday and Monday, at least I get a break from active teaching. I need it. I need snuggles with my love. I need to relax. Until tomorrow …

November 5, 2020

Today was a long day. Parent teacher conferences always make me nervous; however, this year I had way fewer, and I had the luxury of being in those meetings with other 10th grade teachers. I even managed to get quite a lot of planning accomplished. Thank goodness. Until tomorrow …

November 6, 2020

In-service days are joyous, especially those that end at noon. Even with only 4 hours to work in my classroom, I still accomplished a lot. Snuggled with my dogs after the work day, I could still scrape together almost a full week of teaching. At least I get to see my love tonight. Until tomorrow …

November 7, 2020

It’s snuggle Saturday - one of my favorite days. Even though PSU lost again, I got to spend my day next to my love. These are the moments I cherish until we are together forever. Until tomorrow …

November 8, 2020

This Sunday is a little bit easier because I have an Act 80 tomorrow. At least I get to spend tonight with my love. Until tomorrow …

November 9, 2020

The day moved too quickly. While I got work done, nothing ever feels like enough. The blowout at dinner didn’t help. Until tomorrow …

November 10, 2020

I went into today dreading it to my core. I did not want to face reality. However, I made it through another day. I’m not entirely sure how, but I did it. I’m glad. I’m also a little more at peace because I was able to see my love tonight. I needed that. Until tomorrow …

November 11, 2020

Today was not what I expected. It wasn’t bad, nor was it necessarily good. I still doubt myself at times as a teacher, but I’m making progress. I’ve been having a lot of those moments where I get caught up in what I’m doing or what I’m saying. Sometimes it seems surreal that I’m a professional. I cannot wait to see my love tomorrow night. I need that. Until tomorrow …

November 12, 2020

Thank goodness tomorrow is the end of the week. I need Thanksgiving to be here as soon as possible. I cannot wait for the weekend. Until tomorrow …

November 13, 2020

It’s Friday! I managed to get a majority of my grading done in preparation for the weekend. I just hope I can get work done and have a bit of a social life. We shall see. Until tomorrow …

November 14, 2020

I love waking up in the arms of my love. It’s comforting. I feel safe, and it’s exactly where I’d like to be every day for the rest of my life. I even got work done for a substantial amount of my classes. It feels good. Until tomorrow …

November 15, 2020

I didn’t do work today. Well, I did two measly little things, and of course I felt guilty. The fact of the matter is that I shouldn’t feel guilty. I should take time for myself, even if that is just binging shows with my love. I needed that. Until tomorrow …

November 16, 2020

Mondays are always terrible. Today was not necessarily different, but at least I made it through. Only 4 more days before the weekend. Thank goodness I get to see my love tomorrow. Until tomorrow …

November 17, 2020

It is only Tuesday, but it feels like it should be later in the week. I wish I had the ability to plow through materials. I wish I could ultimately get more done. But today I baked some cookies instead. I needed that. It also helped that I got to see my love. He’s my everything. Until tomorrow …

November 18, 2020

I wish it were later in the week. I just need a break. I still have those moments when I doubt myself as an educator, and I’m not sure that will ever fade. What I am glad about is that I get to see my love tomorrow. Until tomorrow …

November 19, 2020

And the never ending week finally feels like it is coming to an end. Thursdays are probably my favorite weekday because I can snuggle up with my love and not do work because I said so. It’s almost Thanksgiving, and I need a break. I truly need time to stand still for a moment so that I can catch my breath before moving forward with the rest of the year. Until tomorrow …

November 19, 2020

Friday nights always give me a sense of peace. The week is at the cusp of its closing, and I get to be in the arms of my love. Until tomorrow …

November 20, 2020

Football Saturdays tend to feel a bit like a lost cause. However, it is still nice to just be in the company of my love. Even if I work all day, and I feel a tad guilty, just being there gives me insight into what the future holds. Until tomorrow …

November 21, 2020

I’m not exactly sure if I’m ready for tomorrow, but there is no escaping the work week. However, this work week is only two and a half days. Then, we have a short reprieve with Thanksgiving break before the madness ensues again. At least I got to spend the day with my love, baking and watching our new favorite show. Until tomorrow …

November 22, 2020

Today was not the best day. There was frustration. But, at least I got through the day, and I’m halfway through the week. A day and a half more from a much needed break. Until tomorrow …

November 23, 2020

A half of a day is all that stands between me and Thanksgiving break. I’m jealous that Mr. Know-it-All gets to sleep in and relax while I have to get up at 4. However, I can make it through. I can do this. I’m also really glad that I got to see my love tonight. Until tomorrow …

November 24, 2020

Thank goodness break has begun. Learning that we will be remote for a week was not the great news I was expecting, but I plan to take each day as it comes. I’m glad I got to see my love today. Until tomorrow …

November 25, 2020

It’s Thanksgiving. The day is filled with love and joy. Thank the Lord for the people in my life. Until tomorrow …

November 26, 2020

Black Friday shoppers line the sidewalks, except this year the dynamic is a bit different. While it was nice to get our for the day, I cannot wait until normal settles in once again. Until tomorrow …

November 27, 2020

Penn State finally managed a win. It only took 6 weeks and a multitude of stupid plays, but they did it. I even got to spend time with friends, which is something I haven’t done in some time. But most importantly, my time is better spent with my love at my side. Until tomorrow …

November 28, 2020

I just realized that I’ve been typing a day ahead of myself. I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles these days. Until tomorrow …

November 29, 2020

I have no Sunday scaries today. Instead I spent 10 hours planning the curriculum until Christmas for my 10th grade class. I also got to binge my new show with my love. Who could ask for a better Sunday of relaxation? Until tomorrow …

November 30, 2020

And now I have the Monday scaries. Diving headfirst into a remote week is not something I thought I’d be doing. But I guess I have to, right? Even with all the planning, I still feel as if it might be a bit of a rough day. Time will tell. Until tomorrow .:.

December 1, 2020

This first day back virtually wasn’t as bad as I thought. I faced a few technological hiccups, but I came out unscathed. Let’s hope facing tomorrow will be a bit different. I’m glad I got to see my love and Fred. Until tomorrow …

December 2, 2020

Well I made it through day 2. I’m not sure what I expected in this remote learning environment. However, so far it is going better than I expected. Let’s hope it stays that way. Until tomorrow …

December 3, 2020

I’m a little sad that this remote week is coming to an end. I was getting used to having time - time to plan and grade and just sit by myself. At least I got to see my love tonight. Until tomorrow …

December 4, 2020

This Friday was a bit easier to get up for. I got to remote into my students, and then I had more technological issues than I thought I could have. Well, at least I got through it. Friday nights are not as blissful for me because I always end up falling asleep before we can actually spend some time together. Maybe my exhaustion will fade, but I highly doubt it. Until tomorrow …

December 5, 2020

I hate Saturdays on weekends where I don’t have extended time to relax. Instead, I was a bit on edge. While I didn’t have to do any work today, I feel like I should have. I almost wish I did. Maybe tomorrow I’ll check everything over to give myself peace of mind. I’m just so grateful for time spent with my love. He gets me through everything. Until tomorrow …

December 6, 2020

The Sunday scaries are back at it again. I see myself falling into this trap of letting myself lead and then realizing I have work yet to do. I wish we were already at Christmas break already so that I could actually relax again. The light of my day was seeing my love and wrapping presents with my mom. It really is in the little things. Until tomorrow …

December 7, 2020

It felt as if today everything were going wrong. Printer mishaps, slow internet, and a late start were not what I had in mind for a Monday morning. However, I am glad I made it through the day. I’m glad that the week is moving forward, even though it feels like it might be a hard week. Until tomorrow …

December 8, 2020

Today was significantly better than yesterday. Thank goodness I was able to make it through. I forgot how exhausting it was to be on my game all day long. It felt good. And I’m definitely feeling the effects now. I’m so glad I got to see my love. Until tomorrow …

December 9, 2020

We are halfway through the week. Honestly, thank goodness. Although, I finally feel like I’m finding more of my footing. I can grade daily. I can plan during the week. It feels good. However, I was disappointed in my ordering habits. I guess you can call it karma because I just made fun of my mom for not triple checking her order before sending it through. Until tomorrow …

December 10, 2020

It’s Thursday, hooray. However, I hate when students challenge my grading. But, I know that it is for the better. It keeps me in check and fair, no matter how hard I try the first time around. I’m glad my love is with me tonight. Until tomorrow …

December 11, 2020

Friday’s always seems to be a culmination of the week’s troubles. I’m just so glad that we are getting closer and closer to Christmas. Nights with my love are especially great because it’s right where I’m supposed to be. Until tomorrow …

December 12, 2020

Saturdays during a pandemic are quite depressing. Not Penn State football in Beavers Stadium. No shopping trips without spending hours in lines with masks. No movie theatres. No day trips. However, today we spent time with Mr. Know-it-All’s friends to watch the game, and it was enjoyable. I had a good time, even if social excursions in larger groups are not my cup of tea. I’m glad we went. Until tomorrow ..:

December 13, 2020

The Sunday scaries weren’t really present today. It was Christmas cookie day in the Disabella household, and it was quite a joy. We baked literally all day while the men watched basketball, and it was nice. It was a distraction from the chaos of the world and responsibilities awaiting me tomorrow. I’m glad to have my love in my life, as well as all those who bring in those little rats or light. Until tomorrow …

December 14, 2020

Today was a pretty good day. And, I really hope that we don’t have school Wednesday and Thursday. It would make my week. All I really want though is to spend time with Fred and my love. Until tomorrow …

December 15, 2020

I never thought I’d see the day of predetermined snow days. While I am quite grateful for the 2 days of asynchronous learning, I would much rather have a full snow day. I also cannot wait until Christmas. It’s going to be great. Until tomorrow …

December 16, 2020

Today I struggled a bit with procrastination. I was all set to work to the bone on this snow day, and while I did grade what I could, I felt as if I could do more. It was nice to relax and do nothing. Snuggling on the couch with the dogs was a luxury I miss. Thank goodness I get to repeat it again tomorrow. Until tomorrow ..:

December 17, 2020

Snow day number 2 was a success. I shoveled until my back hurt and legs were numb. I planned what I wanted to plan plus a little more. I’m ready to livestream from home until 12 tomorrow. Then the weekend begins, relaxation settles in, and before I know it, Christmas break will be here. It was so wonderful to see my love tonight - to laugh in the snow. Until tomorrow …

December 18, 2020

It is Friday. Thank goodness the week is done. I spent my afternoon - since I worked from home - shopping with my mom. It felt nice. And, I got to see my love again. Until tomorrow …

December 19, 2020

Watching the final Penn State game of the season felt like an eternity today. I’m not sure why; I mean, they did win. They scored more in the first half than they had all weekend. The best part was snuggling with my love and Fred next to a warm fire. I live for days like this. Until tomorrow ..:

December 20, 2020

I don’t have the Sunday scaries today. Instead I’m just curious that our engagement pictures were canceled again. I know there is a reason, but at this point, I’d rather just do it myself. So, that’s what we shall do. Let’s see how Wednesday goes before I get too confident. But, to calm my anxieties I made banana bread and watched a movie with my love. And that’s just how Sundays should go. Until tomorrow …

December 21, 2020

Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day of work for a while. I need that. I’m so excited for Christmas. I cannot wait. Until tomorrow …

December 22, 2020

Thank goodness break has arrived. Let us all get ready to deck the halls and spread some cheer. Christmas is finally almost here! Until tomorrow …

December 23, 2020

It’s Christmas Eve Eve. I love a good Friends reference, and I’m so glad the holiday is upon us. While this year is a bit lackluster to years past, it is one for the books. We are almost exactly a year out from our wedding, and I could not be more excited as we edge closer to forever. Until tomorrow …

December 24, 2020

Christmas Eve is a bit rushed. It’s raining and gloomy, but it is a beautiful year of growth and love. We just spent the past two hours laughing over traditional food, spiked hot chocolate, and I couldn’t be happier with my little unit of loved ones. While I do miss my siblings overseas, I’m looking forward to the bash of the century next year. Until tomorrow …

December 25, 2020

This Christmas, I didn’t give you my heart, but I did steal the hearts of many because I made it out like a bandit this year. I cannot believe how wonderful this year was, even with the pandemic plaguing us since March. However, as we sit under the ambient glow of fading Christmas lights, I think about just how amazing next Christmas is going to be. Family flying in from all over the world, the regular festivities, and a wedding to cap off 2021 - I couldn’t be more excited to see what the future holds. Let’s hope the year takes a drastic turn from what loomed over the previous and we can ring in a whole new world of love, laughter, and happiness. Until tomorrow …

December 26, 2020

Christmas time is a time of giving. And, while I love to give gifts to my loved ones - to see the reactions on their faces as they receive acts of love - I do not appreciate the decline of my minimal assets. Everyone at some point experiences money hindrances, but the embarrassment never fades when it does occur. I’m not entirely sure why it makes me feel inadequate and “loser-like”, but it does. I had a bit of a breakdown today in the car with my love amidst a day out in this crazy pandemic. He managed to calm me down and assure me that I’m not a loser. That is adulting at its finest - worrying about money while planning for the rest of your life. I cannot wait to continue fretting forever (cue sarcasm). Until tomorrow …

December 27, 2020

Thank goodness the Sunday scaries did not plague me today. It was wonderful to sleep in and silently sip my espresso on the couch - a luxury I do not get to experience during a normal work week. Although, I feel weird using the word “normal” these days. Everything is far from it; so, does the inconsistently count as the new normal? Maybe I’ll come up with an answer tomorrow. Until tomorrow …

December 28, 2020

We are exactly one year out from our wedding. Words cannot describe my excitement for that very special occasion. Mr. Know-it-All and I even went to our reception venue again today to see it at “Christmas time” to gauge how we wish to adorn the rustic venue. It is a day I keep fantasizing about - trying to figure out what it will look like in our preferred aesthetic with all of our loved ones surrounding us. Plus, today was an effective work day. I planned Film for the rest of the semester; now, it’s onto semester II and the rest of my classes. Until tomorrow …

December 29, 2020

It’s strange being in the midst of break but still feeling the need to do as much work as I possibly can. School begins again on Monday, and yet it never feels as if there is enough time. I did manage to get a decent amount of work accomplished, and maybe tomorrow I can get even more done. Until tomorrow …

December 30, 2020

I woke up next to my love, which is exactly where I’ll wake up forever in a year’s time. This time next year we will have been married for 2 days. It’s so strange to say, and yet I am beyond excited for that day to finally arrive. I also managed to work and organize my life a bit today. Only two more days of work stand between me and a little more relaxation. Until tomorrow …

December 31, 2020

Capping off a year like 2020 feels like it should be more of a feat. Shouldn’t we all be getting participation awards for this hell-storm that rained down on us since the year began? I think we do deserve a little praise as a society for surviving the chaos. However, the emptiness displayed in major cities around the world last night reflected the inner voids we’ve all experienced in this treacherous 365 days. Even as the clock strikes 12, I don’t feel the metaphorical weight lifting. I feel more pressure to succeed and please, and for what? I realized in college that the only person I need to please is myself. Then, why am I feeling the same pressures now? With a wedding at the end of the year, I cannot help but feel like my wedding may become the breeding ground for others’ input, and while I appreciate suggestions and assistance, I don’t feel as if I should have to play the bad guy at planning the celebration of my bond to Mr. Know-it-All. I think about my own, messed-up family, and I come to realize how little of them made an effort while I was younger - the very few, if any, who attended events where I could spot them in the crowd. Trust me, I’m all about making amends and forgiveness, but does that mean I have to exercise acceptance? Should I have to just “brave a face” to please the masses? The answer to that foreboding question is “absolutely not”, but I have a feeling that I may be painstakingly pressured into making the guests happy rather than enjoying a day I’ve been waiting for my whole life. While this “happily-ever-after” sentiment is cliche, I won’t lie and say that the literature queen inside me hasn’t been secretly planning this day since I was a little girl. Every girls’ dream is different, and I know many factors play a role, but aren’t I entitled to bringing my visions and dreams to life at the end of the year? Only time will tell, especially as I begin to document 2021 in the same fashion I documented 2020. Here’s to hoping there is more light instead of darkness. Until tomorrow ...

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A "Happy" Pandemic Christmas

As warm smells of cinnamon and nutmeg fill the air, I cannot help but ponder how we landed at the end of 2020 so soon. It feels as if yesterday we barricaded ourselves in our homes to spend the better part of the year “slowing the spread”. And now, 10 months later, we are still masking up to brave society. For me, these threats of invasive germs are a bit closer to home, considering my grandfather - who has not left his assisted living facility - contracted COVID. What irks me about this whole situation is that while we cannot even see him this holiday season, and we have not visited in about a year, others felt the need to take their loved ones off the premises, effectively bringing germs back in to find viable and vulnerable hosts. At this point, he is fairing well, stringently monitoring his temperature and multitude of preexisting conditions, and let’s all pray that he can fight the germs he did not ask for.

Because of the pandemic, Christmas - just like Thanksgiving - was a bit emptier than years past. Yesterday, Mr. Know-it-All made a good point: my immediate family has not been fully together in the states with our traditions since about 2016 or 2017. Let’s hope 2021 will be drastically different than this year, i.e. - a year where I get to become Mrs. Know-it-All. 

While there is still hope catapulting me into 2021, I noticed many different tunes slowly changing the melody of this Christmas: my dad being mandated to work another 8-hour shift because 12 someones decided they deserved both Christmas Eve and Day off more than others, and of course these were last-minute offenses. This was the primary offense because Christmas should be spent with family from sun-up to sun-down. However, do not assume that I am naive to the current state of the world. I fully realize the stakes, and I despise the fact that while most adhere to the rules to rid the world of ridiculousness, others find it perfectly acceptable to only cite rules when they apply to the masses rather than facing their hypocrisy dead in the face. 

I found myself angily scrolling through social media to see people traveling out-of-state only to then attend large gatherings, vacationing and returning to society as normal, while the rest of the world virtually celebrated across time zones or wore masks in the presence of their loved ones. Maybe it is a selfish act to let my anger win, but I’m frustrated just as much as the next person. I truly hope that the vaccine works and the world can return to at least a semblance of normalcy.

As I sat over the past few days cataloguing all the work I need to do this upcoming week before the break ends, I realized just how cumbersome this pandemic has truly made every little task. I’m thinking ahead to my novel and play units that will cap out the year, and I have realized that my dreams of escape rooms and mock-trials will be subpar at best considering either half of my students will be remote or we all will. That fact saddens my soul because virtual learning has hindered my creativity a bit this year. Revamping my predecessor’s materials to fit my virtual shells has become a headache enough that trying my hand at other means of virtual creativity has left me drained. I’m at a bit of a crossroads, and I hope this upcoming week sheds a little light for me on my next steps.  Even sitting next to the tree surrounded by my newly minted electronic devices, I cannot fathom how to make the next 5 months exciting learning environments. 

And yet, I am still happy. It’s odd that the thought of being truly happy sometimes still feels like I’ve lost my equilibrium. Or, maybe it’s because the world is still a teeming vortex of dark clouds and impossibility, but happiness should not be the overpowering emotion, right? No, I actually think that happiness should be the light, that little light that plows through the murkiness ahead. Today, marks 1-year until our rehearsal dinner, and let’s be real, it’s going to be the party of the year. All of the pent-up energies and desires to go out and experience life again will most likely culminate until December 28, 2021 when Miss becomes Mrs and all of our loved ones get to experience #OnceUponAThomas.

While Christmas this year was not what we had hoped, I am praying at full force that we can have the wedding we have been planning since May. I hope that 2021 breeds ground for new discoveries, a vaccine that works, success for all my loved ones, and the happily ever after I never knew I’d get to experience. 

And that is the final installment of The Truth About Coffee for 2020. Posts have been sparse, but the universe had other things in store for me. I hope to accomplish a lot in 2021, and maybe this time I won’t have to spar with her majesty the universe as much. Until next year ...

Thanksgiving in 2020: WIll it ever get better?

In a year like 2020, it’s hard to weave through the chaos to find moments to give thanks. In this time of Thanksgiving, I find myself struggling to pinpoint the things I’m thankful for … but only for a brief moment. Even with the threat of this pandemic looming over our heads like a never-ending darkness, there are a multitude of aspects of my life that I am thankful for. It would be ridiculous to assume that while the world itself appears to still be falling apart at the seams, that there have not been moments of light to pierce through those looming chambers of darkness. 

This year began as usual, with a hopeless and bandwagon-esque attempt at “changing” for the better. In January - like the rest of the naive populous - I made resolutions. Now, there has not been one year in my life I’ve upheld these mediocre resolutions, because if I really want a change, I’ll make a change. However, this year was different; 2020 began with a light so bright that I knew good omens were in my future. And then I remembered with my knowledge of literature that omens are almost always ominous in nature, and boy did the universe throw us a few curveballs. 

It’s as if the universe were playing tug-of-war with my emotions - with every bad there followed a “good”, but all the good appeared with a plus. When the pandemic began, I was sent home for 2 weeks, and that 2 weeks slowly became the rest of the school year. While I was glad to be home - to end the misery of a long-distance relationship, 303 miles one direction, and the unending stress of creating 5 courses from scratch as I taught them - I longed for the moment I could stand at the helm of my classroom once again.

Soon after the remote end of the school year reached its resolution, there came an engagement; we were now planning a wedding for December 2021. However, with that beautiful positive and moment of thanks for a man who accepts me beyond all flaws, came the task of finding a teaching position in the area we wish to live with the very real possibility that the 2020/2021 school year may be as hectic as the previous spring. 

I landed the job, and we managed to get all the way to Thanksgiving without having to go remote. Following a mandate from the governor banning the sale of alcohol from Wednesday night into Thursday morning came the news from administration that we would be remote teaching our students for a week. Now, I think all educators, especially those who have been remote teaching all year thus far - know how much more work that entails. It drains you even more mentally, emotionally, and physically because the work day never reaches its close. It’s a nonstop cycle, and when the students were informed during our half day Wednesday, their faces fell and concerns arose because all they want is to learn in an in-person environment. It is unrealistic for politicians to assume that teachers and students alike will be able to adapt to these new measures and learn at the rate they should be in the given school year. However, even with the unrealistic nature, we of course will push through as we always do because we love what we do. We would do anything for our students because it is our job to guide them down pathways of success. 

Once again, even with the news of remote learning, there is the positive that without being bombarded with coverage requests, I can actually get ahead in my planning, I can return home before night falls, and I can hopefully relax. Although, relaxation has never really been my strong suit. 

As I reflect on this year, I realize that there has been more darkness this year than I can ever remember falling into the laps of the general public; a darkness that has clutched the souls of many and fed on the isolation and fear instilled by outside forces. And unfortunately, even though I’m doing everything at the request of the CDC, the PA Department of Health, and the governor and his team of advisors, it’s still not enough. And, I’m fairly certain - based on the trajectory of what feels like the worst attempt at a science experiment - that it will never be enough. 

Many Americans are spending the holidays away from their families through tiny LED screens, which from experience, doesn’t replace the feeling of having everyone home for the holidays. Many Americans are spending this Thanksgiving jobless, penniless, and without hope that “things will get better” because there is no beacon of light at the end of this endless tunnel. Many Americans cannot visit with their parents, grand-parents, or great-grand-parents because there is too high of a risk that germs will spread to the most vulnerable. Many Americans will not get the opportunity to see their Servicemen “until further notice”, after already being without physical contact for weeks, months, years. Many Americans now fear what the future holds, and that is a phrase I never thought I’d write in my lifetime. At 24-years-old, I’ve experienced my fair share of tragedy, but the downfall of this year feels almost more personal, like no matter how stringently we oblige, the result is already fixed. 

So, even though this Thanksgiving felt a bit empty, with less seats at the table, missing laughter over ridiculous jokes, siblings that instead are oceans away facing more lockdowns and travel bans - I’m thankful for the opportunities presented before my family and I this year. I’m thankful for the health of my loved ones, as we continue to go out into the real world each and every day because locking ourselves inside like recluses isn’t an option. I’m thankful that this hopeless and chaotic year is soon coming to a close, because another year like this will leave irreparable damage to the economy and the daily livelihood of Americans as we know it, more so than has already been done. 

This Thanksgiving, I remember the little lights that have flickered and led me through the blackouts this year. Without some good to counter the bad, I’m not sure what my world would look like. And to be quite frank, I don’t want to find out. Dwelling on the past isn’t something I frequent; instead, I look toward the future, espresso in hand, Mr. Know-it-All and Fred by my side, as we brace for the ascent into 2021. Until next time ...

Life updates: classroom moods and house hunting

Maple, apple, and cinnamon notes flood the air and create an ambiance of warmth in Room 405. Peering around the corner, you’ll notice ghoulish glows from beneath the SmartBoard ledge, crisp leaves littering the window sill scattered between supplies, and spooky skulls and gravestones lining the whiteboard in the back of the classroom, adding to the eclectic mixture of fall and Halloween. In short, it looks like a Michael’s Craft Store threw up in my room, and maybe I got a tad bit over-excited for my favorite time of year. 

I decided when the school year began that this was my time to settle in. This was my time to stake my claim and create an environment I enjoy entering each day at the ripe hour of 6:15. I needed to establish an aura that would calm the quelling anxieties and nerves built up over the course of now over two months, which explains my essential oil diffuser and the students who marvel at its vapor amidst lessons on Irving and Dahl. 

I love my new job. The students are great and make coming to school each morning a joy. However, I still struggle - as I imagine most educators do - with the uncertainties of this year and the tug-of-war inside us as we remain openly available for families and as creative and interactive as possible in our lesson plans. I need a reprieve within the confines of Room 405 to keep me sane throughout the day. Therefore, I created a little zen corner with a bamboo plant, my diffuser, and a Keurig stocked with my favorite fall blends for when I need a midday pick me up. I even enlisted the services of Mr. Know-it-All, seeing as he has a knack for meme making. He compiled pictures of our goofball of a dog, Fred, and now my whiteboards are crawling with memes showcasing some of my favorite phrases from students thus far. 

I’m happy, and I think that is the most important takeaway from this much needed excerpt. My life is crazier than it ever has been before: wedding planning, endless hours of lesson planning and grading, a commute of over an hour to and from work, attempting to maintain a semblance of a personal life, and house hunting. But, I’m happy. I’m excited for the future, and I thoroughly enjoy the gifts placed before me each day. While at times these “gifts” seem more like insane obstacles from the universe to destroy my routine and cause a panic attack, they are ultimately moments of laughter I can then relay to the world. 

One moment in particular rings reminiscent of a bad date, like someone you never want to see again because his pictures on the dating app you were ashamed to use were misleading to maximum capacity (a 10 online and a 4 in person).  This moment, speaking of house hunting, is what I can only imagine as the absolute worst showing in the history of showings. Mr. Know-it-All and I were excited to view a house that also had a church on the lot only because the photos made it appear to be a perfect fixer upper with endless amounts of space. It is important to know that we went into this tour of the house knowing that it needed work. We were not prepared for the unique persona who met us at the door. 

Upon arrival, we noticed the realtor sitting in between the two building structures. She greeted us, and offhandedly made a comment about the barking dog typically being kenneled when she shows the house. Once we entered, I could already tell that this was not my forever home in its current state. But, as we moved through the kitchen, which was significantly smaller than it’s misleading photos, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. 

And then we walked into the dining room. It looked like it belonged in a rectory, like a priest sat at the lightly stained, blond breakfast nook nestled atop plush blue carpet with a pair of slippers perched at the helm. Not my style, but maybe it could be renovated. 

Oh, my goodness, you scared me! yelled the realtor. I didn’t know you were going to be here. Did we wake you?

I’m sorry. What? There is a human here while we are traipsing through their house? Of course there was. Clad in plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt that looked as if it had been used to clean the floors, the owner of this eye sore was sitting on the raggedy couch looking at us with an expression of utter confusion. I guess I would be confused too if random strangers and a realtor entered my home during my even snooze.

Needless to say, we obviously did not make money moves on this house. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what deterred me most … the stairs fit for a toddler, the overwhelming smell of cat pee, or the bathroom that had enough space for you to go to the restroom, wash your feet, and clean your hands all at the same time. However, I think what sealed the deal for “no, thank you, we’ll keep looking” was the realtor herself telling us not to buy the house. After an almost unfortunate run-in with a long, black snake, she repeatedly told us to move on. While I can appreciate this warning - although, with the looks Mr. Know-it-All and I shared for the 30-minute duration of the showing, I think we came to that assumption all on our own - I’m not entirely sure she did her due diligence. 

Alas, the house hunting game is just that - a “what if” scenario that causes knee-jerk reactions or painful patience as you watch houses plucked from the market each and every day. In our second attempt at a potential forever home, we fell in love with the mix of Victorian architecture and updated interior, and this gentle wooing of the structure led us to make a rash offer on a house we knew we could not afford, only after making an offer and seeing what the taxes would be a year. Therefore, tails between our legs, we reneged our offer and took a hiatus from making rash decisions. We do have a year before anything really has to be finalized.

And yet, this is still such an exciting time. Scheduling items for our wedding next year has my excitement bubbling to the surface, picturing every facet of the day in my mind. Spending time with Mr. Know-it-Al and Fred make up for the weekly stresses, even when Penn State loses in a game with one of the worst calls I’ve ever witnessed. Granted, I’m a newly minted fan, but I’ve quickly become engrossed in this culture. I know the boys by name; I can see a bad play coming, with help of Mr. Know-it-All’s spot on analyses; and I get even more amped for each kickoff. 

In short, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. My goal is to grant myself grace as the year picks up momentum. It really is like starting all over, even though this is my year 2. I’m making my way through the muddled mess one day at a time, with an espresso in hand, heels on my feet to give me a semblance of importance, and the notion in my mind that once the day ends, I get to go home to the people I love. Until next time ...

Life Updates: The Job Search And PrepaRing For The Classroom During A Pandemic

Summers for me generally include vacations on the hot sand, endless excursions to new restaurants, museums, and plays, and time spent ruminating about how I'm going to tackle the next year of my life. This summer has been a stark difference to those before it, not only in the progression of activities, but in the way my much-needed 3-month break began. Let's reflect now, shall we …

When the second semester of the 2019-2020 school year began, I knew it would be an arduous journey; however, I did have a lot to look forward to in the next few months that would most certainly get me through the day-to-day. I would be assisting the Drama club with their Spring production of Beauty and the Beast, I was wrapping up the most challenging year of my life both personally and professionally, and I had so many trips planned for the summer. Sanibel Island in July and Japan at the crux of August when hopefully I'd be in full planning mode for my next professional adventure were the glue keeping me patched together, along with Mr. Know-it-All, of course. 

And then, when I was coming to terms with the fact that the second semester always slows to an agonizing crawl, the world shut down … for what is now going on month 5. Therefore, all of the aforementioned glue dried up, and all I had was … my neurotic dogs, peculiar cats, and hours upon hours at my dining room table figuring out life. At the beginning, it was more tolerable because the language used by leaders in our country was "slow the spread, flatten the curve," and then I guess all would return to normal, right? Wrong. Oh, I wish I knew how wrong that sentiment would be because once again teachers are flipping the switch left and right as teaching protocol changes like the tide daily. But, I'll get to that later. 

As the progression of the 4th quarter became evidently apparent that remote learning was how all students and faculty would go out, I switched my teaching style to fun project-based learning to keep my kids engaged. Then, as May dwindled in hours left, I filmed a send-off video for my students - my kids - not only because they would each advance to the next grade, but because I would not be returning come fall. Seeing as this was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make, it simultaneously broke my heart and made it swell with the outreach from my students as to my departure. As an educator, I never actively seek out affirmation from students that I'm doing okay for me and by them, but I'd be lying if I said that those emails, messages, cards in the mail, and Zoom sessions didn't affirm my vocation for me. 

I left a small parochial school is south-eastern Ohio knowing that accepting that position the summer prior was meant for me. I needed to be surrounded by students who cared and loved with their entire hearts, a faculty welcoming and inviting, and the hardest curriculum I've planned from scratch. I needed to do that, to experience a real first year as an educator, to finally come home. What I didn't realize was that coming home happened sooner rather than later.

About a month into quarantining - April to be exact - I heavily began searching for a job. During this time, my family helped me move everything out of my quaint apartment, I scheduled fingerprinting and background checks, and I filled out numerous applications, all in the hopes that by some miracle I could land a job. 

Searching for employment can be difficult in any social and economic environment, but I was looking during a global pandemic. I knew the odds were stacked against me, and yet I was calmed by 2 factors: 1) I had a year of teaching under my belt, and 2) That same year of teaching occurred at the outset of said global pandemic. 

I waited for months, until finally in June I received word from another private institution about a phone screen. Mind you, I had never participated in a phone screen before. This was only my second professional interview since leaving undergrad. After the line cut out, I knew in my heart it didn't necessarily go in my favor. I convinced myself that this large institution with stricter teaching measures was meant for me. The eventual rejection crushed me; once again, I'd be lying if I said it didn't. 

But then, I received a call about an in-person interview. The world works in mysterious ways because I can recall a conversation with my dad about how sending a paper application is a more personal approach in that first step in the job process. The kicker is that this was the only school that required a paper application opposed to the now standard common application online. 

I was psyched because this was a school in the general area Mr. Know-it-All and I will eventually settle, and something about the mission and vision felt right. In college, I had to come up with my own belief, mission, and vision statements, and it's a true treasure when they align so perfectly with a sought after institution. 

At the height of my excitement, I crafted a 15-minute lesson about writing, which was the parameter for the interview. I toyed around with a few ideas, texted former coworkers, and eventually I landed on something creative as an introductory lesson for Lord of the Flies. I saw it on a curriculum list for the school, and I taught it this past year; it felt like the right choice. I was going to teach a group of adults how to do a Think. Draw. Share. Talk about a risky move. 

When I entered the interview, I could tell they had been at it for a while, and after teaching my lesson and answering a few questions, I just felt like it didn't go well. Have you ever cried after an interview … the whole way home? Well, I did. And guess what, my tears were all for naught because I received a call the following morning about a second interview. That sigh of relief cured all my anxieties and apprehensions because after interview number 2, I was offered a position. 

The second interview was to be an introductory lesson for A Raisin in the Sun, and I mapped out a 30-minute lesson that included baggies of raisins and grapes, "Harlem" by Langston Hughes, background on the Harlem Renaissance, a Langston Hughes bio summary, and a Lorraine Hansberry bio summary. I was so proud of this lesson because it reminded me of how creative planning can be and how much I miss the classroom. It's my stage, my niche, and I cannot wait to step back into the spotlight, even with the restrictions for this year. 

So, yes, my avid readers, I will be teaching English and Film at Halifax High School this year. I am beyond excited to dive back into what I love most - showing students that literature and English can be fun, no matter how much they initially fight me on it. Since I received the news mid-July, I have been brainstorming, prepping, and teaching myself how to use each online outlet. It has been a journey, but a journey I am so grateful for. Like I said, it was a tough time for those seeking teaching positions, and I'm certain that those who channel their creativity, especially in the times we now live in, will succeed, with a little hardwork and determination, of course. 

While this year may look a little different, especially because I'm new to the students and all they'll really get a glimpse of are my eyes and hair, it is a challenge I am willing to accept. My job is to teach, and teach I will do. Hopefully, I can stay more active on The Truth About Coffee. I'm confident that the stories I'm harboring for larger projects will meet the masses soon enough. But, I also know that in my crazy life, there are bound to be story-worthy moments to share with the world. Here's to my second year as a high school English teacher, and my first year planning a wedding, house shopping, and living my best life. As always, coffee carries me through each and every day - especially a good whipped coffee - and I guess Mr. Know-it-All plays a substantial role in my sanity. Until next time ...

Future Mrs. KNOW-IT-ALL

It's funny how life changes in the blink of an eye. I truly find myself meditating on the past year, and it never ceases to astonish me at how much we miss when time glides swiftly by. And especially this year, time always felt as if it were in a tug-of-war in the thick of it all, but there are a multitude of moments I now remember as I sit and reflect. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

May 18, 2019

Love is stupid. I've been on so many failed attempts at a date - let us not forget the psycho who broke every dating rule known to man - why would this be any different? Well, I know why. This man seems to actually care. You see, he opened conversation with casual banter about dinner and a movie. I was intrigued by his inviting smile, and I noticed a few faces in his photos from my high school days, which made me think I might know him. While this fact - familiar faces - made me a bit skeptical, I decided to encourage conversation.

One of the first qualities that caught my eye was his ability to write. Yes, as an English nut, the first thing I looked at was etiquette when crafting thoughts. He joked with self-deprecating ease and showed a little piece of his heart with every story and insight into his life, his journey.

Not soon after our incessant chatting and daily snapchat streaks, we decided to go on a date. Now, it may seem odd that the first date consisted of me basically inviting a "stranger" to my house to cook dinner with me and watch a Marvel movie, but I decided to take my chances. Plus, we had already established that we went to school together throughout our childhood, but fate never allowed us the opportunity to cross paths ... until now.

When I opened the door, a thousand-watt smile met my nervous gaze, and I could tell he was anxious. His eyes did not leave mine until the movie, which we'll get to in a moment. I remember he was wearing shorts, a polo, and flip flops, and I could not get over how wonderful he smelled. But, I was still skeptical.

While we were able to chat for hours on end through the median of a phone screen, I wanted to make sure that translated to in-person connections. During dinner, we simply made conversation about our summer plans, and when he learned I would be traveling to Sanibel Island in mid July, his whole demeanor perked up even more because as it turned out, so would he.

Again, my mind was telling me to remain timid, but my heart was saying, "it's okay to feel some type of way on day one." When dessert and dishes were cleared, we settled on the couch to watch that movie he promised in our first conversation. But first, he read me a poem, a poem I still have to this day because it meant so much to me that he would craft such artistic flare after knowing me for 0.3 seconds. And then, he kissed me. I'll never forget how polite he was by asking first because no one had ever done that before. I was so used to the take mentality that courtesy seemed and sounded so foreign.

Then the movie began ... and of course I fell asleep a quarter of the way through. I couldn't help it, ladies and gents. It was late, I'm a grandma, and I was comfortable. More importantly, I felt safe. But, my dear readers, falling asleep made it appear that I didn't care about our date. You see, it made it seem like I wasn't interested, and because I have always shielded my heart before letting it feel, I decided to air on the side of caution and display my apprehensions.

Our first date turned into a conversation until 3 a.m. with a lot of tears from me, and sullen confused expressions from him. My lack of a fairytale spark made him feel worthless, but somehow, when he left at 3 a.m., we were on good terms. I had miraculously convinced him that I just needed to know he had good intentions. He read my nonexistent poker face and encouraged me to talk it out, and I could not be more grateful that he ultimately took a chance on my crazy persona. I will never live that first date down.

Last Summer

The entirety of last summer had a bittersweet air surrounding every excursion, every moment. Sunday drives and shopping trips, binge watching movies and shows together, hiking, strawberry picking, swimming, bowling, beach trips, NYC trips, Knoebles, and more filled my summer with so much joy. I never truly believed I would find someone to make me feel special, to love every aspect and fiber of my being, and to see me without judgement. He did, even though I warned him that once August arrived, I would be heading to Ohio to start my first year teaching. He decided he was willing to see this through, and early into our relationship, I knew he was the other half of my soul.

When it was finally time for me to leave, the unease built up to the brink, and saying goodbye in his house after a day in New York almost broke me. The 15 minute drive home was filled with my sobs because I wasn't ready to face life again on my own. Leaving was the hardest decision for me because I put 313 miles between us, and I felt like it might destroy what we had.

The School Year

A long distance relationship coupled with trying to create a curriculum for 6 different classes my first year teaching, almost broke me once again. When the distance began, we both thought we would be able to handle a few weeks apart at a time. However, a month or so into the school year, I had my first break down. It was most likely an anxiety attack, and Mr. Know-it-All had to drive 3 hours to me after already driving 2 to a Penn State game to comfort me for 12 hours before having to drive all the way home. From that point forward, we knew we wouldn't survive the year without seeing each other every weekend, alternating road trips.

This saved me. I was able to take on the challenge of a first year teaching because I knew every Friday, the same smiling face, familiar smell, and all consuming hug would greet me at the door. We made so many memories in my apartment watching Penn State away games and screaming at the top of our lungs at bad calls by the refs or terrible plays by the offense. We went shopping, found new and interesting places to eat, attended mass together, and took many a trip to State College.

When I would drive home, we spent quiet weekends together, took trips with our families, and soaked in as much time together as we could. This is what kept me going when work bogged me down or homesickness drained me.

As the year progressed, I got more involved in school activities, and it made me so happy to see my students flourish in the extra curriculars they loved. In March, however, my first year teaching got turned completely on its head. This was when quarantine took the world by storm, and every professional decision was made weekly because no one had the answers. While this left me with more uncertainties, I knew I needed to tackle quarantine at home. So, I packed for 3 weeks, and went home. Each week after, an extension was added to isolation until finally, state officials called for a shutdown of schools for the remainder of the academic year. At this point, I made the decision to move home for good, and Mr. Know-it-All and my parents helped me clear out the apartment with many memories in one day during a global pandemic.

To say I was happy, is an understatement. Now, I don't want this to be misconstrued as a sentiment that I hated my job and preferred remote teaching. In fact, my sentiments favored the opposite. I was called to the field of education because I thrive - just as much as the students- on in-person instruction. Banter, rapport, and interaction make education so much more fruitful. But, every time I came home or Mr. Know-it-All left me, a piece of my heart left with him. On a personal level, I was a shell, and when I came home, even though my professional world was tipped upside down, I was happy and overjoyed. I quickly realized that I needed to think about my future. As questions raced through my head and my nighttime prayers were consumed with pleadings for guidance, I finally found my answer.

I felt in my heart that I needed to stay home and further my career closer to where Mr. Know-it-All's career path was leading him. This was not some decision I made on the fly; it wracked my brain for months, and it weighed heavily in my heart. I will never forget this first year - all my students, their growth and creativity, the professional relationships I've built, and the school spirit and community I'm sad to leave. But that's the thing about teaching - those moments and memories never leave you. They will never leave me.

I grew so much this year in my career knowledge, pedagogy, technological platforms, and subjects. I fell in love with teaching literature and guiding my students to a similar appreciation. They pushed me to be a better reflective practitioner, and I will always remember these experiences as I build my professional portfolio. And, as the year comes to a close, I find myself reminding my students of how much they have grown academically and how they have blessed my life this year. Making a send-off video made my decision more real, but I know it was the right choice, and I am honored they are the first stop on my professional path.

May 17, 2020

As the school year winds down in the next week or so, I find myself stressing about the world as it is now and the world as it will be come fall. But, I trust in His guidance as I proceed this summer.

However, today marks one year since that first, almost disastrous, date. While I don't particularly like to remember that day because of how I acted, I cannot believe it has been 365 days since Mr. Know-it-All and I began our journey together, a rocky road, but a road that was worth going down. It has been such a wonderful trek through distance; in fact, the distance made us stronger in our bond.

But today is special, not just because it is our one year anniversary, but because I was told to be ready at 1 p.m. and the rest would be revealed to me in due time. Of course my morning consisted of a lazy lounge with my coffee, but fate would not let me get through this special day without at least one disaster. When Mr. Know-it-All isn't here at my house, I like to wear his gigantic slippers around the house, and on this particular day, I happened to trip. His size 13 men's compared to my size 8 women's foot didn't bode well for my equilibrium because I tripped and slammed my left hand into the door frame. Immediately, my hand began to bruise, and I spent the next two hours icing my hand.

When Mr. Know-it-All finally arrived and my hand had gone down in swelling, my surprise began. First, I gave him my gift to him after 365 days of knowing me. I learned that Penn State merchandise is always a win, along with a few gag gifts along the way. Plus, I always incorporate a few sentimental gifts, like poems, embroidered sweatshirts, etc.

But then my surprise began. You see, his creativity and thoughtful nature knows no bounds because he made a board game for us to play that highlighted some of our favorite moments from the last year of our lives. We ate Creamery ice cream while watching that same movie from the first date. We set up plastic bowling pins in my hallway, and he beat me in a five round match. We went "strawberry picking" to craft a poem that intertwined some of the most iconic lines from each poetic expression from the last year. We had a dance party, and we reminisced about all of our favorite moments. And yet, the game only built to something much bigger.

After the movie, dinner arrived with a few familiar guests- his parents. When I walked outside, I timidly stood in the doorway because I knew something was fishy here. As I stood in the doorway, he pulled up a video that brought sobs to the forefront. This video captured moments when our love for each other shinned the brightest, and he timed it to the song that embodies us to a tee, Better Together.

When the video concluded, and we hugged for a minute, he got down on one knee. My first reaction was shock, which then led me to get one quick punch in before saying yes. This was the happiest moment in my life, and I cannot believe that I get to become Mrs. Know-it-All, a feat not many could acquire, but I think I'm the woman for the job.

And that's The Truth About Coffee. There have been many ups and downs this year, but coffee has gotten me through with Mr. Know-it-All's unfailing presence through thick and thin. Until next time ...

Seclusion: Day 26

My days are blurring. I'm never entirely sure whether it's a Monday or a Friday anymore while being confined to my parents house, nestled in a small village. The only sounds are the fire crackling in the yard and the sporadic yipping of our three Yorkies as I sit and ponder the last 26 days. That's how long I've been home, and I don't think I've adequately processed how drastically my life did a 180 since March 12.

I remember the date specifically because I had the scare of a lifetime, and little did I know it would foreshadow the following day's new's brief. I had been stretched thinner than a sheet of paper extending beyond the realm of just teaching and dabbling in extra curriculars. I was the oboist for my school's production of Beauty and the Beast, and it was proving such a joy to A.) rekindle my love for music, and B.) see my students flourish onstage in ways I never thought only having them in class for 45 minutes maximum.

I bore witness to beautifully in tune voices, an organized student-led crew, intricate sets, fun and energetic dances, and talented musicians. It brought me back five years to when I last participated in my own high school's productions. It may have taken me three quarters of a year, but I settled into my job and discovered a whole new level of joy in education because it always blends beyond a wooden desk and a dry-erase marker. Education exceeds the bounds of those four walls and reaches students in more ways than we educators probably even realize.

Now, more than ever, I second this sentiment because the world changed that day, March 12, in a span of 48 hours. And of course, I fell ill. The day before, I sat through a faculty meeting, and when the topic presented was COVID-19, I was a little shocked. I was aware of wordly affairs only in the context of what my military siblings were sharing from their environments in South Korea and Japan, but for some reason, this felt entirely out of left field. Not even the sanitation buckets delivered to each classroom were enough to tip my brain off that the situation was getting serious. But, we were informed and briefed about what could happen. And then, my little sniffle turned into extreme fatigue and a cough, and I knew I couldn't risk work.

I spent my day in a clinic, just checking to see if they could determine what illness was plaguing my body. At this time, no one really had access to tests, especially not a clinic, but as soon as I said that I had travelled to New York in the last 14 days, immediately I was handed a mask. My body began shaking. Mind you, I was by myself because it was the middle of the work week. My entire family was five hours away, and all I could do was deep breathe and update my loved ones.

Finally, I was taken to an examination room and provided the great news that no one thought I had the virus; I could go home. I took my paperwork, walked to my car, called Mr. Know-it-All, and then ...

Excuse me, miss we need you to come back in to quarantine.

Im sorry, what? I thought I was fine, but I was led back into the building after a woman followed me to my car and took me back into that same examination room, alone for 10 minutes, without explanation. My entire body broke out in hives - the worst case I've ever experienced - and I couldn't stop shaking. I was furiously texting my mom and Mr. Know-it-All to keep them updated, and I could tell I was worrying everyone. Then, the woman reentered and said ...

Are you okay, hon? You've got crazy hives. You're not quarantined; I just had to check with a local hospital about procedures.

A sigh of relief left my shaking frame, as well as a few whispered expletives, but the important thing was that I got to go home. Long story short, I had a really bad sinus infection, and I had to self-quarantine for the last three days of the 14-day period after potential exposure to make sure I didn't develop a fever. One trip to the pharmacy, an emotional break down in my car, a painful phone call to the prinicpal with updates, a masked trip into my classroom to grab materials, and a trip home brings us to the last three weeks.

I have been conducting online instruction remotely for three weeks now, and it has been the ultimate challenge. I never thought my first year teaching would be packed with so many challenges and twists and turns, but at least I'll be prepared for anything thrown my way in the future. I mean, I think a gloabal pandemic is about as bad as it could get, right? In the early stages of this process, I realized just how much work and support educators provide, and I couldn't be prouder to have been called to this profession.

It has been a little nervewracking adjusting and adapting, but it's a system. It's not perfect by any means, but I'm learning how to better remotely teach each day. I feel as if I've learned more about some of my students since quarantine began because teachers have opened the lines of communication even further to assist and guide any way we can.

The monotonous structure of my day has, however, been quite depressing in a sense, but I have definitely found ways to make life more interesting. Daily walks with my parents and dogs provide much entertainment, especally because with Yorkies, it's always an adventure. I've been cooking and baking, as well as deriving inspiration from weekend binge sessions of The British Baking Show with Mr. Know-it-All. I have to accredit a lot of my sanity to him in these times of uncertainty. He's here for me in ways I never thought possible, and I am forever grateful.

I'm reading and writing more, which is something I have not had enough time to do. I finally feel as if parts of myself that I have lost touch of a little this year are slowly creeping back onto the scene; I'm learning how to better manage myself and my profession, and it is an exciting journey. I have also ordered embroidery materials to teach myself another craft, and yes, the seclusion is turning me into more of a grandmother. But, I digress.

Overall, I am happy. I am grateful. I will continue to thrive as best as I can because in seclusion, I've realized just how valuable time is when it comes to life. I think that the memories we make while home, while with our families, while making the best of our situations, are more important than ever. The memories are going to define this time in our personal histories in tandem with the history remembered through endless news briefings, mass hysteria, and unfortunate deaths at the hands of a virus, silently snagging patrons for a gathering no one asked for. I pray everyday for the safety of those risking exsposure to provide the necessities, as well as those in law enforcement, and all others around the world just taking each day as it comes.

My daily dose of caffeine certaintly gets me through the endless sting of maybe Mondays or Fridays. Even though I miss the thrill of parading around the classroom in my heels and sitting at my personified desk and seeing my students and fellow faculty, I'll settle for sweatpants and narwhal slippers today because I hope my future tomorrows contain a balance of both. Until next time ...

Travel Days: Yet Another Expedition

As the heavy cast over my eyes fades and a glimmer of light rises over the horizon, I find myself feeling more at peace with the fact that I'll have a substitute for two days. The worst thing for me about being a teacher is relinqishing control of your classroom over to a complete stranger, hoping that the lesson plans you spent a decent amount of time on are completed when you walk back through the door to room 207. The secondary complaint I have with agreeing to chaperone a trip to New York City with a group of seniors is that of course when I'm not in school and I already spent the time planning lessons, school is cancelled due to snow.

But, I digress. I guess I'll still have fun perusing one of my favorite cities, seeing a Broadway show, marvelling at the numerous and seemingly out-of-place cathedrals, as well as revisitng a few tourist attractions like the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. However, when I travel with a group of people - and yes, my definition of a group is anything above 1 other person, I recalibrate and switch into mother hen mode.

Yes, ladies and gents, I am the crazy lady with the giant purse, and while at times it weighs down my petite frame, I will never refrain from carrying what I deem "the essentials" around with me everywhere I go. My oversized, yet arguably still attractive bag holds within its form items ranging from Dramamine to snacks to 7 different lip balms in case I'm feeling something a bit different than the norm, to tissues, a fidget spinner to curb my fidgeting hands, etc. Basically, if you ever find yourself in need of a bandaid, a mint, or hand sanitizer, I got your back.

The reason I go overboard with "the essentials" is because I am by nature an anxious person who will worry about everyone and anyone. And since I am a chaperone technically responsible for 37 students, I'm going to be a nervous wreck. But, I guess I'll survive, right?

Another point of contention is the fact that I blend in with the masses at school already, still at times mistaken for a student. So, I'm thrilled about that fact as I embark to a city significantly larger than the one in which I live. As all you lovely readers can see, the sarcastic trill behind my words has not vanished, nor shall it ever, because sometimes it is just the only way to get my point across. I find myself slipping from my teaching voice into my more relaxed sarcastic voice more often, and for most of my freshmen, the sarasm skims their varying haristyles and leaps out the window. One day, the sarcasm will stick. Some argue that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and I will disagree until the day I die.

While sarcasm and caffeine course through my veins, nothing can curb the ache for a time when distance doesn't rip me open from the inside out. Everything now just feels like a distraction, no matter how hard I try to fully live in the moment. Recently, I wrote a little blurb about the very nature of distance as it exists in my life this year. I find myelf in this constant whirlpool, similar to Charybdis as she sucks ships into her underwater tornado. I yearn for a physical feeling of being whole in my relationship, yet I feel as if I've traversed the outskirts of that very same whirlpool to breach the divide between myself and God. One of my resolutions this year was to essentially reestablish a relationship, and before the new year started, I began to meditate on thoughts of Him and how he reveals himself to me in my own life. And, what I realized was that in those moments when I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders in every obstacle placed in my path, I did not realize part of the strength in me was His love reaching out. Only when I later looked back on these moments and let the philosophical questions roam free did I find the very answers I was searching for.

Now, every time I feel the weight of the world - the distance, to be exact - weighing on every thought and every action, I take a deep breath, and I think about all of the gifts in my life. I think about how lucky I am to have been led to this very position as an English teacher, where I get to meet and interact with so many talented and genuine and unique students everyday. I think about how grateful I am for my family and friends for being constants in my life when certain factors change pace. I think about how getting through each week is made significantly easier knowing that notifications bombard my phone all day and a phone call and a facetime await me in the evening. I focus on the love, because His love through the love of those around me is the fuel in my tank keeping me afloat on the water, even when the whirlpool picks up speed. I revel in the eventual calm after the storm and take hold of the moment, and hopefully this weekend I can embrace every second before it fades. Until tomorrow ...

113 Days

When I first noted the intricacies of literature, I fell in love with the characters I was reading about - their sorrows, their pain, their injustices, their happiness, their love. I got lost in the lives of Hardy's Tess and Jude, Dostoyevsky's Raskolnikov, Shakespeare's Lear, Claudio and Hero, and Beatrice and Benedict. The point being that I love to read about the intricacies of the Victorian period or the Mid-19th Century or even the Elizabethan Era. The writing expressed in these works is an art reserved for those whose imagination exceeds bounds and highlights the base happenings of the day-to-day to present characters worth reading about and fighting for or against. I've always wanted to be able to showcase a literary prowess worth reading for enjoyment or an indepth criticism or analysis. I've dreamt about the day I'd finally be able to capture the attention of an audience, no matter how big or small, with my words, my writing, my story.

And then I realized that, in a sense, I have already accomplished this feat. While my audience is small, it appears to be a collection of people who see my story as a little sip of The Truth About Coffee. Do I have more that I would like to say? Absolutely. Is it at times hard to find the right words to say without leaning toward a culture of offense or even just merely relatablility? Without a doubt, and these fail safes will always guard the words that flow from the tips of my fingers.

And yet, I am not deterred from this goal - of creating a work that twists the common tropes and highlights the difficulties of the world we live in. I've grown up in a time where political powers divide the people they are supposed to unite, where voices manipulate certain truths, where people feel as if they are owed something for nothing, where ideals are placed on a pedastal and reality is left to grovel at the plinth. Our time is drastically different in some respects from the contents of literary greats, but I would argue that the reason we still gravitate toward these sorrows, pain, injustices, happiness, and love is because they bleed throughout history and unite us. We can see the patterns appear in rare form across eras to present the modernality of the issues that make literature one of the most fruitful subjects.

This is another one of the reasons for my profession. I find such pleasure in showing students that the types of characters we analyze share a lot of the characteristics we ourselves at times emulate: pride, grief, heartbreak, misunderstanding, entitlement, joy, pain, etc. When I had more time to read for pleasure, I described myself as a hopeless romantic. I loved reading love stories, falling victim to the fairytale culture presented in these stories ... the happily ever after. It is a literature major's fatal flaw - accepting the seemily unrealistic love of our favorite characters while searching for that same ending in our own lives. And, I know this because it was almost my downfall.

I hid myself in my little shell - behind the great loves: Romeo and Juliet, Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan, Frederick Henry and Catherine Barkley, Newland Archer and Ellen Olenska. I then searched for a great love myself, or at least the sembance of one, a little taste. That was the great obstacle in my quest - searching. You see, they always tell you that love comes to those who wait, yet I was impatient.

Unnoticed in my teen years, I searched when I reached a certain point in college. In this search, I realized that I was holding these men to unrealistic ideals, to the codes of others' literary prowess. How could I find love if my checklist was created primarily by men (shout out to Edith Wharton for Archer and Olenska in The Age of Innocence)? How could I find love at all with a checklist, even if it was mine own? I couldn't.

Love is not a quest; it enters the room when you least expect it. It makes your heart flutter and your skin flush. It shows you that a checklist is arbitrary because it exceeds all bounds. Love entered my life at a time when a career came knocking. I accepted a job and fell in love at around the same time, which by proxy inserted 313 miles between us. While this has been difficult, I have found that it has strengthened my faith and assured me that everything will work itself out, which for someone as anxious as myself, is a necessity.

In this year alone, I have felt so much love that even this does not do it justice. But, what I have learned is that even though literature seemed to have made me a hopeless romantic, I am now the most hopeful, and yes, literature still plays a huge role. While 313 miles seems insignicant to most, it has made my life challenging, yet rewarding. And with only 113 more days until a fruitful and much needed summer vacation, I feel as if I might develop a bit more in my very own literary prowess. Until tomorrow ...

A Spiritual Journey: Finally Walking With Christ

Words are my therapy. They are ounces of expression that allow me to filter out the unwanted minerals and pollutants. Words are the most painful part of life because they inhibit vulnerability in our world where such openness is ridiculed. The weight of the words on my heart keep me from a weekly therapy session - the keyboard the couch, the screen the gentle scribble of pen on pad as a certified practioner takes note. It's as if my voice has been censored, told what to do and what not to do, all because of the fear that what I've always found solace in - blogging - will be drug out into the streets and put on display.

I crave stringing together my innermost thoughts and feelings because it is how I cope with all things in my life; it is how I've always carried myself - as an unwritten script ready to showcase the opening number. I fell in love with the idea of sharing my story, which keeps gaining traction as I keep experiencing the textures and colors of adulthood. But, something always stops me from cracking open my laptop and exercising my digits.

Except today ... today something came over me, and I found myself called to the screen for the first time in a very long time. I was drawn back into the light. For the longest time, I was writing to find myself. I spent a majority of my time as a teen and a young adult floudering on the inside while on the outside I seemed what at the time was considered my normal. I wanted to see for myself why everyone else around me was happy and excited and bright. I was always in contrast to my peers, and I wanted answers. Hence, The Truth About Coffee.

I began my journey in darkness, seeking light. What I failed to realize all along was that the light was with me all along, laced into the very contours of my heart, waiting for inward discovery. You see, I had been searching amidst the masses, in the outside world, seeking the happiness I thought I needed. Now, I learned to see this light inside myself.

At weekly mass this past week, I was listening to the homily by our school chaplin, and I felt the light consume me from the inside-out. I had always wondered - as a practicing Catholic - what it meant to really feel connected to God. I would hear stories of these physical manifestations of God through random acts and the appearance of His voice in answer to one's prayers. But, I had never experienced this myself ... because I was always searching instead of letting him speak through me.

It was all-consuming. And, I now understand the inability to express or vividly explain the experience in my own words. What was and still is to me the most striking is the overwhelming emotion. I felt everything - my worries, a long-distance relationship, the continuing stress of adapting as a teacher - consume me and then melt away, and all I felt was love. The purest love found only when one seeks God within oneself.

I am so grateful for having the opportunity to live out my vocation and teach the students I'm teaching this year, because without them, without this, I'm not sure I ever would have known what an endless love like His feels like. After teaching Augustine's Confessions and seeing the faith lived out amongst my students and colleagues, I now know why I'm here, in this spot, this year.

While this may be one of the hardest years of my life, it is still proving the most fruitful, with more love than I could have ever imagined. Feeling that spiritual connection - the tether I never noticed before - will make me a better friend, a better daughter, a better girlfriend, and a better teacher because I now know my purpose, my journey, and what exactly my mission is in this life.

I know I've been absent for quite a while once again, but my hope is that I can slowly get back into the groove of giving all you lovely readers a little dose of the Truth About Coffee. Until next time ...

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Adventures As A Classroom Teacher: Lightbulb Moments

After sitting at the helm of my wonderfully eclectic and personified desk for just about 4 months, I can confidently say that I have the most rewarding job ever. Something in me clicked about a week ago as I prepared for a mind-numbing week of midterms. (I've been grading nonstop for the past few days, and I am completely shocked that I am still capable of threading together coherent thoughts ... so far. I guess we'll see by the end of this blurb.) I realized just how fun - for a lack of a better term - it is to strut around my classroom and watch those little lightbulbs flicker.

Over the past few weeks, I've watched many a lightbulb switch on during my various classes that I felt it necessary to share a few of those moments that make me love my profession. Let us begin with my daily doses of grammar.

Recently, I decided to begin each and every class with a grammar conundrum. You see, as an educator, I struggle with finding the right time to teach grammar concepts; however, a coworker sparked my creative genius not too long ago, and now I have discovered the perfect way to engage my students in English class.

When I grace the halls at 7:00 a.m. and struggle to open my classroom door without spilling my coffee, (now that would be starting my day on the wrong foot) I oftentimes craft ridiculous sentences with many a misconstrued grammatical concept for all of my students to correct. While it may pain my soul to watch the red and blue lines appear on my screen as spellcheck catches every single mistake, the reward of seeing the excitement and eagerness of my students as their hands race into the air to get the opportunity to write on the Smartboard is well worth it.

These moments - our daily doses of grammar - are my favorite moments because it is that type of formative assessment that shows me those little light bulb moments when my students make those connections that educators drive students to make on their own. This has now become our routine, and I'll never forget just how fun it is to watch students do the mental math in their heads to figure out which number on the roster to pick that will force their friends to go up to the board. I'll always remember the way kids will argue you to the death about your awkward phrasing of a sentence and the persistence they show in trying to correct you even though you're right and they're wrong. Long live daily doses of grammar.

While I think I can confidently say that I have taught my students to love grammar, there are still moments that might outweigh those little bell ringers. Let's take my Drama class for instance ...

I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to end my day with a giant helping of creativity. I tasked my first semester Drama students with what at first appeared to be the overzealous task of writing an original One-Act play; however, they finished their script this week. When I started this job, I had no idea how to even approach teaching Drama. All I knew was that I wanted my students to come out of that class with a finished product. Even though this semester went awry, they exceeded my expectations and will hopefully perform their play in the next few weeks. I couldn't be more proud of their patience with me and their levels of creativity that blew me away as I played stenographer while they improvised their entire play. That's right, ladies and gents. My 8 Drama students improvised an entire One-Act play in a few weeks, and I cannot wait for their interpretation of characterization, set design, and lighting to bring their storyline to life.

Drama may outweigh my grammar conundrums, but I think the most recent instance to take the cake on the most significant lightbulb moment would be those moments that occur when tutoring. Recently, I worked with a student on outlining essays. This was a challenge for me -and I imagine any educator- because I felt as if I had exhausted my vernacular. It appeared that I couldn't find the right way to explain outlining a paper to a student. And then the student made a connection to hypotheses in science class, and we ran with it. If this student had never met with me or expressed confusion regarding the concepts I was teaching, I'm not sure I ever would have found the right way to teach this student specifically. I personally had the opportunity to watch the lightbulb flicker on throughout our various meetings, and that was such a joy.

I learned just how different each of my students are. I figured out a new style of teaching a concept I know like the back of my hand. I grew in my profession. I may be a teacher, but I learn more each and every day, which is why my job is such a fulfilling vocation.

I leave my classroom every day with more stories and laughs than any part-time stint I've had since I'm 17-years-old. I love that I have students who make my job worth it, because without their interactions, my job would be boring. I teach for their success, and they teach me how to laugh at myself, how to laugh with them, and how to accurately comprehend the "hip" lingo they try to pawn off as acceptable vocabulary sentences.

As always, coffee has continuously gotten me through this semester, as well as those wonderful people in my life who are constantly by my side to laugh and enjoy my job with me. And yes, that includes my coworkers. Oh, how they also make work so much more enjoyable. From secret Santa antics to free period rants where we let out spurts of frustration before jumping right back into our classroom routines, I'll always cherish these moments throughout the year. Until next time ...

A Weekend Together: There’s No Place I’d Rather Be

If you were to ask me what my life would look like in a year last November, I never would have envisioned my current day-to-day. I often find myself living in a series of flashbacks, comparing then to now, and giving thanks for all the tiny blessings in my life. For me, life always felt quite muddled and unorganized and unknown; however, now the muddled, unorganized, and unknown mess feels less like a negative and more like a positive influx of love and experiences I never quite imagined. While this year professionally is still proving to be a massive hurdle obstructing the pathway to the rest of my life, there are just some moments that make the race worth it.

Last Friday was one of those hurdles for me. It was probably my worst day as a teacher, and I felt like I could not continue chugging along the career byways for much longer. I'm already worn out and stressed, and with work continuously piled on last minute, I don't know how much longer I can last. But, I know that I must persevere, course-correct, and prove to myself that I can do this right now, but if I had the choice to stay or leave, I'd move on to bigger and better things.

I spent my entire drive back home to east-central PA stuck in a turbulent mixture of sobs and angry shouts of frustration from the day's antics. I thought the distance would do me some good considering I had to brace Mr. Know-it-All's extended family at his cousin's wedding weekend the very next day. However, I felt even more broken and defeated as the mileage decreased and my sobs matched the unending rhythm of the severe thunderstorms that blanketed the sky for the entire 300 miles I spent in the car between Ohio and my hometown.

The drive seemed endless as the rain beat down on my compact car, but I made it home in one piece even though at times it was a bit iffy. I spent a sleepless night trying to keep our two Yorkies calm, cool, and collected after their Queen left for an extended weekend getaway to Hawaii. I managed to squeak in a few minutes of blissful rest before I woke up to the rhythmic sounds of one Yorkie's dry-heaving. In an attempt to remove her from the pillowy premises, she urinated all over me at 4:00 a.m. Oh, did I forget to mention the best part? I had to be up and out the door by 7:00 a.m. to take the Pennsylvania English Language Arts Certification test in Bloomsburg a good hour or so away from my house. I was living my best life, and the day would only get better from there. (I hope all you lovely readers have caught on to my blinding sarcasm because Friday through Saturday consisted of a never-ending strain of hurdles that cause yet another mental breakdown.)

After I aced my certification test - an hour early - I decided to drive to my hair appointment in Hazleton so that I could locate the building. I remembered that the building was quite odd and hidden, and I wanted to be sure I gave myself plenty of time to put my nondirectional abilities to good use. Of course that portion of my Saturday was a disaster, and I will continue to go down in history as the woman who can never find the building no matter how the GPS redirects.

God bless Mr. Know-it-All and his dad because all of their attempts at finding this hidden hair salon did not go unnoticed. I drove around downtown Hazleton for about an hour going up and down each and every street in the general vicinity of the address to no avail. I was snippy and sobbing once again, and all I wanted was a haircut. But, I got to go home and spend some time with my dogs and cats before heading out to this wedding, which I guess was a blessing in disguise. I was able to complete some practical and menial tasks that made my Sunday a tad easier.

After I arrived at my doorstep and let the last few salty drops carve tracks into my cheeks, I made myself rehearsal dinner ready. I finished gathering all of my belongings, made sure the dogs were ready, took a few deep breaths, and left for what would be two days I'll never forget. This past weekend gave me so much more insight into the man I hope to marry one day, which sounds crazy, but when you know, you know.

I witnessed him make sacrifices that I'm not sure I would be willing to make if I were placed in a similar situation. I watched how he interacted with his cousin's children - the way that he explained matching games to a 3-year-old and attempted to console her after she fell off the chair onto the hardwood floor. I watched him as he watched me during the vows; his eyes locked on mine and his smile melted my heart. I noted the stark differences in his maturity compared to those much older than him, and I couldn't be luckier to call him mine.

I caught glances of him all day in his dapper tuxedo as he traversed with the wedding party and I spent time with his parents. Every now and again I'd catch that look that I hope never fades - the look that ends with "just taking it all in." He held my hand and introduced me to his family; he even managed to get me onto the dancefloor. Our combined lack of rhythm was quite a sight, but nothing beats his mother's dancemoves. They were high on the list of highlights from my weekend with my love ... long live the finger points.

All weekend Mr. Know-it-All kept apologizing for bringing me along, and my response remained consistent: "There's no place I'd rather be." I honestly couldn't imagine being anywhere but by his side. I had so much fun laughing and dancing and informally planning our own wedding. It was surreal being in that setting with the person you know you're wholeheartedly meant to spend the rest of your days with because it makes it so much more emotional. No offense to the bride and groom, but I couldn't keep my imagination from wandering to Mr. Know-it-All and all of the exciting times we have ahead of us.

The worst part about our time together is the day when we have to leave each other. That pain is worse than anything I've ever felt. My Sundays will always be the worst day of the week because I typically spend them agonizing over the distance as it gradually increases once again. Last night, before Mr. Know-it-All had to leave, I witnessed just how much the distance hurts him. I had assumed that I suffered more or that I let it show more, but last night I saw just how much Mr. Know-it-All loves me, and I'm glad that I did. Leaving the one you love behind is unimaginable until it happens. Letting go feels like forever, even though we know we'll see each other soon. However, I wouldn't trade our time together for the world because every time I see him I fall deeper in love. I never thought that possible. I'll never forget that feeling.

While last week was brutal, the weekend was worth it. I feel as if I can face this new week and prepare for whatever nonsense is thrown my way. With Mr. Know-it-All on one side and a steaming mug on the other, I can accomplish anything - unless, he steps on my foot again while trying to groove; then we might have an issue. Until next time ...

It’s Okay: Part 2

As the weeks continue to drone on in rapid succession, I find myself settling into the habitual ways of “the educator.” I place the profession in quotation marks because up until a few weeks ago, my profession felt like an unattainable projection of the person I had only hoped I’d become. Now, exactly 3 months later, I feel as if I’ve located my academic and professional identity.

Even now as I write in the midst of Diocesan Professional Development, I feel confident and proud of how I’ve handled the past few weeks. My job has sucked the life out of me at a gradual pace since I left home at the end of August. It has been a constant struggle to balance work, personal life, and self-care. The reality of my situation has been 5:15 a.m. wake-ups an 10-hour days in the classroom. Education has siphoned my sanity, and the only way to slake my thirst for rest and peace of mind is to alter my viewpoint on my job and situation.

I had fallen victim to the enslavement of my own mind and self-doubt. For some reason, unbeknownst to me and everyone near and dear to my heart, I blamed myself for every trial and tribulation at the helm of my classroom. I found fault after fault in my planning and assessment, so much so that my metacognitive qualities as a reflective practitioner consumed every waking thought, Even my subdued thoughts in the moments between nighttime tea, prayer, and a glorious REM cycle have been afflicted by the downward spiral of my own doing.

Last week near the end of my 40 plus hours was the first insight I’ve had into the notion that everything was going to be okay. I was going to make it through this year of 300 miles back and forth and endless sobs on a Sunday afternoon. The great irony here in my recent realization that I am in fact okay, and that I will survive this year I’ve concocted for myself is that it is exactly two years to the date since my car accident. Right around this same time two years ago, I posted a blog titled “It’s Okay,” and if that isn’t God himself blessing my life, then I don’t know what is.

When I was driving the six hours home after professional development last Friday, it hit me. As I got closer and closer to the accident site that truly rocked my world for the majority of my junior year of college, I had an emotional breakdown – worse than any Sunday sobs. First came the slight trickle of salty drops as they marred the residual makeup after a long day of presentations. Next came waves of hyperventilation as I watched the sun set and the miles reduce on the GPS. What followed were a myriad of flashbacks. I could hear the screech of the breaks and the crunch of the metal as my compact car rolled over and over on two lanes of traffic-ridden highway. I could feel the seatbelt slacken so that I could slip out of the car and avoid entrapment. I could see the tissue box fly up from the backseat and situate itself underneath the windshield right before it would have exploded in my face. By the grace of God, I survived that day, and with the guidance of my guardian angel, I live today, reflecting on the ways of the world.

We live and breath in cycles, and if I didn’t believe in a higher power, I wouldn’t notice the cyclic nature and progression of livelihood. I wouldn’t notice how vastly different my life is now compared to this horrible day, two years ago, a few days before my 21st birthday. Now that I am about to embark on my 23rd year, I know how blessed I am in this thing called life. However, it is only fair that I give credit where credit is due because without the presence of Mr. Know-it-All, I would not make it as a teacher or as a functional human being. He makes my life better, and together, we can take on the world. Our relationship is truly tested week after week, but I know in my heart that we will make it through. Especially after Friday night when I was still shaken from my trip down memory lane. He comforted me, and with one look, I knew I was okay and that he was in my life for the long haul … no matter how crazy I am or how crazy he is now learning my family can be.

You see, adulthood itself is a strange concoction of loneliness and fear, as well as a willingness to succeed in the societal constructs that exist today, one being success in the workplace. While I have people in my life who push me to succeed and recognize the work that I put into my career, I still have spouts of doubt. How can I succeed in my professional life if my personal life feels as if it will take years to make whole? I am so very grateful for my partner in this world; however, distance gets me every time. Even the logical and rational notion that the distance is only temporary cannot keep the tears at bay or calm my racing mind. Will this ever change … my mind, of course? Probably not. I don’t feel as if I’ll ever be able to silence the scattered and anxious thoughts that plague my mind each night.

However, because my personal and my professional identities have finally met and exchanged handshakes, the rest of my life appears more manageable. The unknown is less scary, and my life feels a tad less frazzled. Take this week, for example. I planned out my lessons and materials for an entire week in two days in an effort to stay ahead in my endeavors … and to prep for the anxious arrival of a day off. While it was stressful and time consuming, I did it. No one can match my levels of neuroses and OCD color-coordinated organization. This is the first week for which I feel the most prepared, and I won’t even be in class today. I can do this.

As I flesh out all my worries and musings and indulge in a little written therapy, I reflect on my weekend with my love. It was such a thrill to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of a Penn State white out, even though they should have won by a lot more than a touchdown. However, getting Creamery ice cream and huddling in the stands was well worth the frigid temperatures and overall exhaustion. This weekend is what got me through the last week of my life, even though my daily dose of coffee surely helped to bring me along through the muddled state of my affairs. Now, I have the next four days until I see my love again for a birthday celebration even though my birthday has a somber mood. A constant stream of delectable coffee will get me through … until next time.

A Year Of Patience: Just Taking It All In

Hopeless. I don’t think there exists a more perfect word for the swirling pit of despair deep inside my soul these past few weeks. Endless days on the verge of body-wracking sobs has left me feeling like quitting is the only viable option and cure to this “disease” that has consumed me since I began this job. And what hurts the most is the sheer fact that I love my vocation; I know in my heart that this – teaching – is what I am meant to do. I couldn’t imagine having to wake up for any other profession that confines me behind a desk or leaves me performing mind-numbing tasks for hours on end.

What hurts me more than I ever thought it could is being away from my loved ones. You see, I had done distance before. I chose to attend a college in Ohio, five hours from the normal routines and smiling faces I had become accustomed to for all of my life. When I hit the age of 18, I moved away. While this transition saddened me, it was bearable because I was constantly surrounded by people. I had friends and a roommate, and I was okay.

A few years later, I decided I needed my own space away from the overload of estrogen, and I found an apartment. This apartment had its ups and downs, for sure, but it was a space that I could call my own, and I still felt okay. But then college graduation came and passed, and now I needed to find a job. You see, ladies and gents, finding a job was harder than I thought, but, I managed to land a job at a private school near my collegiate alma mater.

I accepted this job, even though I had recently started seeing someone near my hometown in Pennsylvania. While our first date was not a shining moment for me in our story, I still knew that he – Mr. Know-it-All – was someone special. I accepted a job exactly 296 miles from the man I would grow to love over one of the best summers I’ve ever had. We spent so much time together just enjoying each others company – whether that be Wednesday nights at Trivia or Saturdays out with my family.

All summer, even when we were laughing and enjoying car rides to wherever we were headed next, for a split second amidst the sounds of the rumbles in our chests, I could feel the impending arrival of my departure. Try as I might, it gnawed at my heart for three months until the day arrived, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done … leaving.

I’m a rational being, and I knew I had to start my job and get a foot in the door with my career, but being the one to leave tore up my heart. Growing up, I had trained myself to stiffen at the sound of loving or caring words, and now, I had managed to melt at the words of one man. It sounds almost irrational, but leaving has opened up my heart to something so much deeper – a love and a trust I know I can only receive through Him in a relationship. Mr. Know-it-All inadvertently lead me to a deeper relationship with my faith, and this is how I get through the hardest days.

Last weekend was the lowest moment I think I’d ever experienced. A long week of grading and trying to adapt teaching methods and hoping that I’d feel comfortable at the helm of classes that are not my specialty forced me over the edge, and I broke. I had a complete and utterly horrible mental breakdown. I had let the overwhelming stresses eat away at my insides until they finally spilled over and consumed my Saturday. The most frustrating part of this emotional rollercoaster is that I could not pinpoint the crux of the issue. I was a weeping mess, doubting my every move and choice and intention for the past month.

If it hadn’t been for Mr. Know-it-All and my mother, I don’t know what I would have done. I was ready to throw in the towel on this job and come home. But, something deep inside kept telling me to stay, that there was a reason behind my choice to teach at this school away from everyone near and dear to my heart. I just kept hearing, “You’ll know when you know.” I knew then and I know now, that the reason for this year will be revealed to me in due time. This year so far is teaching me how to embrace patience because I know that everything in life happens for a reason.

So, even though last weekend left me a little broken, Mr. Know-it-All came all the way from State College, Pennsylvania, after scaling the bleachers when the 4th quarter ended, to comfort me for 15 hours before driving 5 hours home the next morning. I never thought I’d find someone who would ever be willing to do something as crazy and as rash as that.

Every time I see him, my love grows a little stronger, and while to some our relationship may seem fast, to me it feels as if I’ve known him all my life. Even this weekend, when he arrived at my door at 8:00 Friday night, I just felt as if everything was just as it should be. It felt so normal to greet him in Crocs and a sweatshirt as he stepped out of his car in business attire after a long day of work and travel. It felt right to walk through Kroger hand-in-hand as we gathered the ingredients for only the best dishes to accompany Saturday football. As we cooked and ate and joked and laughed, it felt like this could be my Saturdays for the rest of our lives – college game after college game and lesson plans and activities.

In mass this morning, as we sat together, hands clasped, I could feel him looking at me, and as I turned to ask him “what,” he said, “just taking it all in.” That will forever be my favorite phrase because even when he thinks I don’t notice, I notice, because I do the same thing. I cannot wait for the day when mass together doesn’t end with goodbye tears as I head back into an empty apartment and he drives home.

My apartment this year – yes, the same apartment from college – doesn’t feel as homey because home is where the heart is, and my heart lies with Mr. Know-it-All. For now, I’ll drink my morning coffee out of his mug (even though I have about 50 of my own) as I await the next visit. I keep telling myself that the distance is temporary because come May 31, my time here is finished.

I will spend the rest of this school year making the best of the situation by planning and adhering to the needs of all of my students. While I may be a tad broken, I need to remain strong for those students entrusted to my guidance this year. I feel better about this week as my students dive headfirst into thought-provoking novels such as The Confessions, The Iliad, and Lord of the Flies. Coffee and long calls with Mr. Know-it-All and my saint of a mother will have to do. Stay tuned – seeing as it has taken a lot of time and courage to post this last installment. Until next time …