Life comes at us in waves. All my life, I’ve felt the current, the molecules pulsing around me; however, I’ve never known where I’m going, which paths I’m meant to take. A series of choices have been presented to me throughout the years. Voices from those around me have always tried to influence my choices … I’m so glad I never listened.

My voice is the only voice that matters when it comes to reaching milestones and crossing big ticket items off my bucket list. I can now officially cross off another milestone – high school English teacher. That’s right. It’s official.

This morning, during a shift at my current job, I accepted an amazing opportunity to teach in the 2019-2020 school year. I have a big girl job in a career field I love. Will it be a challenge? Absolutely. Am I ready to accept this challenge? You better believe it.

But before I start the celebration train, I need to first walk all you lovely readers through the events leading up to this turning of the page because it has definitely been one to remember. Sit back, grab your steaming mug, and enjoy this new insight into the next chapter of my Truth About Coffee.

Validation. I’ve always been a lost soul looking for validation from others because I could never reach deep enough within myself to find what I was looking for. Professionally, personally, I was lost. I had this big dream of going to college and getting a degree, but never in a million years did I think I’d actually hear my name ring out amongst my peers as I accepted the degree I’ve earned.

You see, “earnings,” that’s what stumped me in life. I saw others whom I presumed just received because they were special. I did not know their stories or what paths they had traveled. I made assumptions and became bitter. Bitter to everything in my life with a pessimistic view about my own future.

I lived that life for four long years in high school. I then watched some of my students live that same life during my student teaching experience. I knew the stone cold stares and flippant attitudes all too well. I sat in the same position not long before them, and I couldn’t just stand by and watch them internally suffer because outward emotion was too much to bear.

Just yesterday, I received an envelope in the mail containing letters from students I taught during my student teaching. When I left, the teacher assigned a written activity where students had to write to their favorite teacher in either essay, letter, or poem format. Four of my former students wrote to me. I was touched to even see four letters let alone their contents.

I sat, snuggled into the couch – with coffee of course – and read a series of sentences that I needed to hear. Validation. I received letters from students I hadn’t expected to impact in the way that I did. As an educator, and as the crazy human that I am, I doubt my every move and decision because I always think that I can do something better, that I can be better. But what I learned was that I made a difference, and that is my sole purpose: to guide students who sit in those uncomfortable desks with stone cold stares and flippant attitudes to a level of acceptance and success worth feeling proud about.

Teaching to me is a gift. When I was choosing a major four years ago, people in my life told me that I’d be stupid to go into teaching because I wouldn’t make any money. What kind of life do you have if you don’t have a lot of money?

I’ll have a life full of insightful conversations about Shakespeare and mythology. I’ll have endless nights grading papers as I validate the work that students put into their own learning and futures. I’ll have endless laughs about funny nuances in the English language and the goofy ways in which kids interpret literature. I’ll have a life worth more than the amount of money in my bank account.

I’ll live a life doing what I love. English is my niche – it’s where I find comfort in a world of chaos. In literature, I find peace. I grew up slipping into different realms, different times because reading was an escape. Reading for me is now my reality. I write. I research. I put my story out there in this chaos because it’s real life. It’s not the fabricated loveliness I became so entranced by.

I now find myself writing poetry, and I always said that I never would. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the fact that I could never understand it, but now, it’s become one of my favorite forms of expression. And, while this blog is heavily rooted in the professional … in the fact that I can now call myself a high school English teacher without feeling the looming pressure of not having a job, I do need to slip into my personal world for a minute.

My path as a professional has been rooted in the emotional side of my being, which is exactly where we’ll find my personal life. You all know I’ve had a rough go of things in the dating world. You’ve read the stories about bad dates and guys gone rogue in their efforts to make me hate them even more.

But, recently I found validation – the word seems to be a running theme in the opening pages of this chapter. I met someone who I’m so afraid to write about. I’m afraid that if I put the words on paper that I’ll jinx happiness in my life. This is not a fear that randomly manifests; this is a fear that stems from the little girl with a stone cold stare and a flippant attitude. However, I’m willing to take a leap.

I keep my private life private … for the most part. What I share in these excerpts redacts the names of those who’ve hurt me because I’m not that vindictive. So, I will never reveal a name or give an impeccable description, but what I will say is that I met someone, someone surprising in the best way.

We knew each other in passing almost a decade ago. We never spoke; we never interacted … until recently. I knew I recognized him, but I couldn’t exactly remember how. And then it clicked. I could picture his boyish face amidst the kids we grew up with. I had doubts at first, and I definitely left a memorable first date impression (a story for another time), but I care.

As a woman with a guarded heart, it’s hard to tell genuine hearts from masked hearts. But, I knew in an instant that his was genuine. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all you get to know. But before I wrap up this monumental chapter of the next step in my life, I’ll leave a little poetry to sum up and provide background about my dating history and the mystery man in my life …

Time

People enter your life for different reasons,

Forever changing the pace, like the seasons.

Some break the threshold with an agenda,

And you think they’ve arrived to mend you.

But time and time again they’ve left you broken.

Instead of feeding the machine, they’ve siphoned every token.

Of feeling and confidence and grace

So much so that you’ve had to harden your face.

Stone cold amidst the masses you walk,

Shy and reserved, listening to others talk.

And then one day there beams a light,

Letting you know that you’re worth the fight.

Not the fight that man makes to get woman,

But the battle you fight to feel human.

To feel worthy of respect and conversation,

Your smile now reaches from nation to nation.

A sunflower golden in her prime,

Ready to take each day one step at a time.

Until next time …