In a world where men walk around with a confidence that is not always earned or deserved, women like myself are stuck fending off the masses of overtly crude, obnoxious, and self-absorbed schmucks who think they run the world. Clearly these idiots haven’t tuned in to the radio in about seven years, because Beyoncé definitely said it best; girls run the world in their own unique ways, especially when it comes to dating.

As you avid readers already know, I have had the absolute worst luck in the dating department. I’ve been ghosted twice, I have sat through a tedious hour across the table from the worst kind of human – it could have been a topic on 60 minutes, and I have had to delete, block, and report so many men from every ounce of technology I own. Will I ever catch a break?

I guess I shouldn’t be shocked considering my options and the sad, sad fact that almost everything runs on the evil balance of social media and online dating sites. I’m losing my patience because of the lack-luster quality of the men who just so happen to click, swipe, and snap into my life.

I get so hopeful when I match with an above average looking human who appears to have a job and/or a degree. My hope meter rises a smidgen more when the quality and range of photos is as far from Myspace as can be; there are even bonus points if none of the photos contain a sports car, a truck that looks like it’s trying to compensate for something, or a woman who is clearly not a niece or a nephew, a sister, or a mother. Hope even exceeds all bounds when the conversation flows and the man contributes more than one-word responses and flirtatious musings. I’m not going to lie, I can tell from the moment a man messages me whether I’m going to feed into his one-liner or if I’m going to give him mirrored one-word responses until the “conversation” fizzles into the nothingness it derived from.

When scouting out the prospects and lining up potential dates, I initiate “the week test.” This test includes a thorough perusing of all known social media accounts. I am a firm believer in this part of “the week test” because a man’s social media reveals a generous amount about his character. For example, quite recently, I was initiating “the week test”, and I happened to discover that a potential candidate appeared to already have a girlfriend. That was a fun discovery, and I immediately made it clear to the two-timing individual that I was not interested in his company.

The second phase of “the week test” is conversation. If a man can hold a decent, intellectual conversation for about a week, then I will gladly agree to a date. Some may say that a week is too long and pointless considering that the first date is supposed to be the awkward “getting to know each other” stage. I will disagree until the day I die because I still end up with the worst type of humans even after initiating “the week test”.

In my opinion and experience, men like to put on one heck of a show during “the week test.” They act all sweet, caring, and interested, and then after the third date they abruptly exit your life without an explanation and you’re left wondering what you did wrong to deserve that kind of treatment. Or, they are persistent in inquiring about a date, and when the day finally rolls around … radio silence, and you never hear from them again.

When these types of situations occur multiple times, it really makes you wonder if you’re the problem. I’ve sat dumbfounded, wondering if it was something I had said or done to make the guy go running for the hills. But then I took a moment to sit back and reflect, and I realized that I shouldn’t have to change anything about myself to fit the wants of a man. I think this is where the problem lies. Men enter my life with certain expectations, and when I clearly express from day one of “the week test” that I am not interested in games or selling myself short to make them happy, they play the part until they feel they’ve performed long enough. After this, their true colors bleed through, and I don’t have time to deal with it anymore. Don’t hide your intentions; if we are looking for different things, so be it. All I ask is that you tell me from the beginning so I don’t start generating a hope that will inevitably be shattered by the end of the week.

All in all, I still hate dating. I think it’s tedious; however, I guess it’s necessary because life is not the fairy tale I wish it would be. Prince Charming isn’t going to saunter into my life and sweep me off my feet. Instead, I’m stuck sifting through online dating profiles, which is like sifting through items on a clearance rack from last Christmas. They’re seemingly unsellable, but I’m determined to make one work, even if just for a short stint. And if no one strikes my fancy, at least I can say I’ve tried. With coffee as my tried and true loyal sidekick, let’s see if any of this week’s candidates make the cut. Until next time …