Nothing in life truly surprises me anymore. I’m typically a neurotic person, constantly anticipating the intrusion of a creepy crawly or the downfall of a staple kitchen appliance. I’ve been trying my hardest to be more of a “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants” kind of gal, but it’s not working. Two prime examples from my week thus far had me reeling and ready to throat punch anyone who just so happened to push the wrong button.

Let’s take the other day, for example. My day began with an early rising at the ripe hour of 2:30 a.m. I stumbled around, coffee in hand, attempting to look semi-presentable for a long shift at work followed by a full day of classes. You see, that’s the struggle of working almost full-time hours while simultaneously balancing a full class schedule and tutoring. I go right from one location to the next, a travel bag at the ready to freshen up and switch out a look, specifically my shoes.

I think we all remember the blogs about the fact that I have to wear orthopedic shoes, which by the way, my work shoes are a blinding shade of white and are not the most flattering footwear. I always have my sky-high booties at the ready to make an outfit pop as well as give me a little bit of a boost considering I’m so short. They make me feel confident and more professional.

After my shift ended, I rushed into the bathroom, changed into something less drab, and made a mad dash to my car because I only had 45 minutes to make it to class on time. That’s another thing that impedes my every day – I work about 40 minutes away from where I live and go to school. Therefore, most of my days are blocked out down to the minute. I am grateful, however, that my classes this semester allowed me to have my nights free. That is a true blessing … except that after a long day, I am not motivated to sit down and read 100 pages for class the next day or start a paper due at the end of the week.

This is the biggest struggle I face as a young adult. I want to be the type of person who can work eight hours and then go out with the girls or go on a date. Actually, I probably wouldn’t go on a date – men aren’t really tickling my fancy these days. They’re either boring or rude or expect things that I’m not willing to give them because it will compromise everything I stand for and my sense of morality. However, I always want to go out with the girls and shop or see a movie or get food or just drink wine and catch up. But, I’m drained. I’m so frustrated that I can’t be as carefree and available as those around me.

I see women and men my age constantly out on an adventure or relaxing or just to put it simply, having fun. I feel like I’m stuck in a place that’s more adult, and I don’t mean to demean anyone or “throw shade” as the young people say, but it’s true. I’m working because I have to, and it really tries my patience when friends tell me or ask me to “just call off” because we haven’t seen you in forever. Like I said, I don’t work because I like to be this stressed. I work because I have real bills that I have to pay, and I’m attempting to save money for a huge trip I’m taking in a few months.

I have people telling me that I need to slow down, and here is where I have an issue with that statement. I have slowed down. This site, my story, was born out of a tragedy. I went through something that I wish on no one, and I’m not going to get into it. If you’re curious or new to my life then I suggest scrolling all the way to the first episode. There you will learn my purpose and how I discovered that while life is too short to wait around for things to fall into your lap, it’s also appropriate to take a step back, evaluate, and slow down. I have, however, one thing thing that I can improve on and that is time managing assignments better, which is a tedious process, but I think I found a solution.

Anyway, I know this seems like a pretty significant digression, but it all ties together into a sloppy bow because I think that’s an accurate representation of my experience as a young adult. It’s messy, and if anything depicts that better than a sloppy bow it’s this. So, after I rushed to campus, I briskly walked to the class building and went straight to the restroom because my bladder is the size of a pinhead. I looked in the mirror, attempting to tame the wild frizz that is a result of this wacky weather we are still experiencing. I noticed something odd, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I went to class, and as I was sitting there marking things off my lengthy agenda, A BUG FLEW OUT OF MY HAIR.

I was so stunned, I sat staring for a hot minute, then I jumped, and then I started repeatedly hitting it with my agenda until it was dead. That incident threw me off for the rest of the day because I was convinced there was a colony of bugs living in my hair. I was also experiencing that itchy sensation you get when you find like a mosquito on you; I thought there would be more exciting surprises so I was on edge for the rest of the day.

Once I left classes and came home, I lit my fall candles, and because my day was a wreck, I needed something to pick me up and make me feel better. You would think that would be alcohol, but instead, I wanted bacon. I laid out a few pieces on a lined baking sheet, preheated the oven, and … nothing. It turns out my oven is broken as well as one burner. So, I had to make my bacon the unhealthy way on the stove.

It was just the kind of day that had me waiting for even more to go insanely wrong. I won’t even have a working oven until next week because that is the earliest that maintenance can come to look at my faulty kitchen appliance. You see, my life is in shambles.

Actually, my life is pretty great. I have the best support from family, and I recently started a brief internship where I get to tutor the most amazing girl. She’s carefree and loves life and has taught me so much about myself and my career as an educator. That’s what I love most about teaching – it’s a two-way street, and I’m constantly filing information away because each unique child brings something different to the table.

While my week was not the best, I did accomplish a lot. I get that my way of life is different than most my age. I come from a family of hard workers – we were never handed anything in life. I’m also from a small city that praised a few and pushed the rest aside. If you had a well-known name, you had specific opportunities, if you didn’t you had to work harder. I’m a firm believer that good things will come to those who put in the work to get them. I guess that’s why I’m constantly on the move, and it’s why I started this site. I wanted to share my struggles because they’re real.

It’s not like Instagram where the best parts of my life are displayed through a smiling photo. While I do post only the best version of myself there, I post the ups and the downs here. That’s why I’m a writer because words capture depth in humanity. I struggle mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. That’s the beauty of life. We’re tested so that we can make changes and become the best versions of ourselves.

I will continue to live my life the way it is; I just want everyone to understand that I work a lot because I have to, and I write and study a lot because I have to. My free time is most likely going to be for me and not you. I still see friends when I can, but at the moment, I have responsibilities that take up a lot of my time. I try to balance work and social life, but it is what it is. Eventually, it will get better, but I love what I do academically and I do what I do at work because it’s a bridge that closes the gap between what I have to do and what I will be doing in less than a year.

As always, coffee is my number one sidekick, and the abundance of new creamer flavors have me spicing up my life one day and one cup at a time. Even though my life appears to be in shambles right about now, I know that there is a reason for all the madness and in a few months, I’ll be sightseeing through Europe, so I have a lot to look forward to.