Rome is an intense city, and when six loud uncultured Americans attempt to take on the city, nothing goes as planned. Because we slept in this morning, we missed our 9:30 a.m. tickets for the Colosseum. Now, this is an important detail that I would like all of you avid readers to remember as we progress through this chapter of the European adventure.

After taking our time this morning to look presentable, we trekked to a little breakfast spot. My sister and I decided to swap shoes, and I regretted this decision as soon as her pointy black booties suffocated my horrendously wide and fat feet. You see, her shoes looked better with my outfit, and I was willing to suffer the day to look fashionable … until about an hour into the journey when the cobblestone streets began to aggravate the neuromas on the balls of my feet. I have the feet of an 80-year-old woman; so, I was a hot mess. We ended up switching shoes once again in the middle of a tour at one of the very many ancient structures within the city limits.

We stopped for breakfast at a little café that was not suitable for large families. Six loud humans crowded around two miniscule tables munching on pastries while sipping freshly squeezed orange juice. I wasn’t even sat at the table; I was sat perpendicular to my father. Literally, my knees were squared up against his left forearm. Again, I was a hot mess. Also, I did not in fact have coffee today, which explains why I was drunk midday in the middle of Rome … but we’ll get to that little tidbit in a moment.

Once we scarfed down our breakfast, we walked to the Pantheon and toured the immaculate structure. Then we visited a few more ancient structures in the city including the Colosseum. This was the most hectic part of the journey thus far – even more intense than witnessing my older brother drive in Milan.

We made our way through the clumps of pedestrians until we could see the queue for entrance. My mother needed to get to an information desk to see if we could exchange the tickets for a later time, but of course, there was only chaos.

There were “workers” wearing various “uniforms,” all of varying colors and types. We were being stopped left and right by people speaking broken English, each telling us contradicting information. One was saying that our tickets were still valid, others were saying the opposite, and then a man got handsy with my father. I already mentioned how he is a no-nonsense man; so, this was intense for all involved. The “worker” kept following and harassing him until my father yelled an expletive and the aggressive man backed off. We did not enter the Colosseum today, but I’m glad because my anxiety was already through the roof after that almost international incident. I won’t do well in a foreign prison, and I can’t imagine anyone else in my family would either. While this was crazy, it gets even better.

I have a bad case of RBF, and I tend to walk with a purpose and zero eye contact because I do not want to cause a scene or attract unwanted attention. There are random people all over the city of Rome attempting to give out “free” items until they slap a cheap beaded bracelet on your wrist after aggressively grabbing it without any indication that you wanted them to hold your hands. And then they ask where you’re from, show you random pictures of an alleged sick child, and then badger you for money. This was the second time this has happened in Italy, and I don’t know if I can handle another one of these situations.

But no matter – we made it out alive. We made a point to take numerous photos and visit many a structure before settling in a restaurant for a proper meal. In American culture, we are used to abnormally large portions; therefore, our breakfasts were not filling enough, and we were famished. This is where the story gets interesting because after the day we had up until that point, we were all in need of food and drink. And this is where I got drunk for the first time in my life amidst family in the heart of Rome.

For some reason, both my mother and I ordered a liter each of sweet white wine because of course we didn’t realize how large a liter is in comparison to my tolerance. I rarely drink; so, after two glasses of wine on an empty stomach, I was sloshed. Every time I turned my head, it was as if my eyes took twice as long to follow suit. I was missing my plate, and when it came time for dessert, I managed to get my delectable chocolate cake all over my hands and on my skirt. I was living up to my title of “hot mess.” Mind you, it was only about 2:00 p.m., and I was living my best life.

It was probably the most entertaining experience with my family to date. We were all drinking, and I was acting a fool. It was the most relaxed I’d felt this entire trip; so, I imagine I’ll dabble in more alcohol as we continue to travel from country to country.

After our meal, we went back to the apartment for a short stint before walking to the Vatican. It is the most beautiful little country I’ve been to, and St. Peter’s Basilica is the most amazing cathedral. As we were walking through, there was a subtle choir of men’s voices echoing throughout the church. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget.

From the Vatican, we walked an hour to the train station for a bus tour throughout the city of Rome. While it was a frigid experience, hearing the history behind the obelisks, statues, basilicas, and ancient structures was worth an uncomfortably full bladder and blistering wind. From the bus tour, we snagged a cab back to our apartment, and this was a nerve-wracking experience. Watching people drive through the compact and congested city does wonders for my anxiety, but we made it in one piece.

We decided to eat one more meal at a restaurant a few doors down from the apartment. An interesting concept in Italy is outdoor heated seating – we ate outside and laughed and drank before stumbling up the marble steps to catch some shut-eye before our early train ride back to Milan. Next stop, Venice! Be sure to grab a steaming mug, and enjoy these little excerpts. I know I’ll be finding some coffee early tomorrow morning before braving the train and a long car ride. Stay tuned!